For the Mr. Kites

So there hasn't been much of anything productive done lately, since I got back from Tahoe. Not that I'm complaining mind you, but I guess there just isn't really anything to do in little old Cupertino. I had quite an enjoyable Christmas, barely made it through the after-Christmas sale, and ingested lots and lots of pearl milk tea and other types of unhealthy greasy foods. Today was a rather failed exursion with my family too...We were planning to go to the De Young Museum in the San Francisco Golden Gate Park, but there were SOO MANY PEOPLE. The streets were packed in all directions and there was no parking to be found whatsoever :( And then we tried to go to Filoli mansion (shout out to choir kids!) it was closed. OH WELL.

Also, something I noticed while sitting in the car for 2 hours today...All the popular songs on the radio these days don't even have real WORDS! Take Pink's "So What", where the well known line is "Na na na na na na na". Or "Disturbia" by Rihanna, which is "Bum bum bee dum, dum dum di dum dum". OR, that ridiculous T-Pain song, "I wanna make love right na-na-na", or also that song about policewomen that I actually have no idea what the title was or who sings it...if that can even be defined as singing. SIGH. Music is ridiculous.

Thanks to the holiday break, USA has given me one of the best presents ever. There have been all day HOUSE MARATHONS, which I love love love love love love love. House is seriously one of my favorite shows ever, and the fact that it's on almost 24/7, and when it's not on it's NCIS which is also bearable and somewhat enjoyable, I have almost zero interest in leaving the comfort and warmth of my house and couch and the close proximity to blankets, my laptop, and any and all food. Christmas marathons plus the usual 3 hour run of CSI every day is absolutely great.

Anyway, I have a rather exciting week planned, which I really hope works out as planned. Fun incoming!!!

So I'm home again, this time for a long haul. My flight home was kind of miserable-I flew from Boston to Arizona first, and the flight was already supposed to be longer because we had to fly down to Texas and back up to avoid some jet stream, but the head winds were still like 100 mph, so we ended up landing an hour late anyway. We landed at 9:05, and my flight from Phoenix to San Jose left at 9:05. HMMMMMM. So yeah, hungry, sleep deprived, and cramping, I obtained a rather nice (discounted) hotel room and got some shuteye before taking the next flight back, which was the next morning at 8 AM. SIGH. People are very angry late at night at the airport...haha..

So I was back for a day or two and then my family and 3 friends went snowboarding at Tahoe. We got this cute little cottage about 10 minutes away from North Star and my mom cooked us food :) Snowboarding was REALLY fun...although frustrating and tiring. This was my first time, so I fell A LOT in all possible ways...hence the soreness. My muscles refuse to respond to me. One thing I can't figure out though, why do my shoulders hurt!??

Christmas is tomorrow, which is REALLY ridiculous. I seem to be spending a lot of money on presents this year, even though I'm buying for a lot less people...Hm...Curious. However, tis the season of giving I suppose, and I am boosting our dead economy, har-har. It's also really time to start thinking about what I'm going to be doing next summer. Internship? Learning chinese or teaching english in Taiwan? Getting a job? How scary :( I don't really want to think about it.

In other news regarding my future, I forgot that in college, your GPA is different if you get A- or an A. AND...it sucks. Basically my GPA is a lot lower than I expected it to be, and everybody tells me the first year is the easiest too. AHH what should I do!?!





I ran out of things to say. Merry Christmas!

Hi all, I've decided to blame all feelings from this past week to PMS. I know, just an excuse, and maybe that's not really it, but I don't want to hear about it. I've also decided to remedy this by trying to keep myself busy, blasting electronica at dangerously high volumes (into my earphones though, as it is finals week), and writing about it here :)

I'm starting to really like college. And really like, as in I don't want to leave for a month. Really like, as in I don't lie sleepless in my bed every night wishing I could go home. What is home, really? What's at home waiting for me? Thanksgiving was a good dose of home. I didn't want to leave by the end, but being back in Boston for only two weeks is too short. I don't miss home yet. I miss my dog, I miss certain eating places, maybe i miss some people, but not really. Or maybe, the reason I like college is because I don't want to go home.

I don't want to go back to my old life. As fun as that was, it's too up and down, it's too complicated. There are too many things that affect me in ways I'm not pleased with, due to too-complicated relations with too many people. I don't want to have to remember the bad times, because frankly I haven't really had any here at Boston College. College really can be the fresh start everybody wants. The only factor that decides everything, is you and how you go about things. College is the fresh start that I want. I'm getting the chance to start some sort of new chapter in my life with all the things that I wish I knew before, and I'm making damn sure that I'm not fucking things up.

But instead, being home and getting closer to home, there comes an anxious feeling instead. My stomach feels uncomfortable and my salivary glands go into overdrive; not quite the drooling or sickly sweet taste right before throwing up you'd imagine, but somewhere in between. I feel lethargic and slothy, my limbs get slightly tingly and I get unimaginably nervous. Over nothing. I think I know why, and it's a stupid reason. A stupid reason that probably doesn't even exist outside of my overactive out-of-control mind. I don't want to think anymore, so I pull out my trusty headphones and let trippy catchy beats overtake my mind. I can't get over this, and just when I thought I was free I realized I was still in the same stupid confines of my own head.

I want to say that life is too hard as an idealist. I want to believe that it would just be easier to be cynical and therefore never surprised when life disappoints me, but I don't want to give up what happiness I do have for anything. All in all, I want to keep hoping that all of my dreams of pretty things will come true one day, and that life doesn't suck as much as everybody else tells me it does. I want people to pleasantly surprise me when they finally change for the better, I want to be confident that my friends and acquaintances won't screw me over, and I want life as we know it to keep feeding me bits of happiness. Which makes it even harder to be down in the dumps, knowing that this is my choice not to be some unfeeling/depressed robot (Yes, an oxymoron, but go away). But I'm not going to lie, I can't wait until I am happy with everything again.



So until then (or whenever my chemicals decide to balance themselves), I will continue to hide in my Crystal Castles.

I wish I had a little more romance in my life. No, not love, not people who care, but romance. I guess this is the little girl in me talking, but it'd be nice to get flowers every once in awhile, to be taken out on a nice date on some Friday or Saturday night, or for anniversaries to actually matter. Or just somebody who's willing to watch Twilight with me, ha-ha. No, I'm not crazy for it but it's one of those romantic love stories that somehow has become a staple for every girl...although I am worried that the movie would ruin the book. I really liked the first book, but as for the others....not so sure, haha. But I digress...for real this time.

I know that this is a lot to ask; what kind of boy LIKES to spend money for something that seems unnecessary, and there are not many out there who have a romantic bone in their bodies. For most of the general population, romance has been beaten into their heads since birth instead, and everybody knows that those types of lessons never last. Like I've said before, despite my general practicality, I am still a romantic on the inside. However, I also acknowledge that this is something that is difficult to obtain, that the grass is always greener on the other side, etc.etc. Also, it is college and long distance is another giant obstacle that needs to be overcome.

I want to have my hand held in front of his friends. I want to feel like I'm making a difference in his life, and not only when I'm around. I want to not take him for granted, I don't want to be taken for granted, I want to be secure about everything, I want to forget the past.
But again.



Life is good, I have nothing big to complain about that is either of our faults. Distance is not even that bad, I guess. We get through it. There are many more ups than downs, and nothing is wrong. It's just that sometimes when I sit for too long and my mind wanders, I let myself wish for a little more than I have. I am happy though, and I know that the moment will pass.

However, if I had to say, this is my biggest compromise.

So everybody around me is freaking out like crazy over finals....Why I'm not I'm not quite sure, but I just can't seem to induce a panic attack by myself. Except when I wake up from a nightmare, like last night. I've done absolutely nothing today except get the notes I missed, and that was a massive fail too. So I typed up the notes along with another day's notes where I had written them into a wrong notebook, printed them out, and pasted them into the notebook. EXCEPT. I PASTED THEM BACK INTO THE WRONG NOTEBOOK. SO BASICALLY, I JUST FAILED. Ripping them all out and repasting them back into the RIGHT notebook = 1 stick of glue....I am now in dire need of adhesives.

So since I have nothing to do and I do not follow Stylista, which the rest of my floormates are watching, I shall entertain you all with interesting things that have kept me amused over the past 5 hours or so. Also, have you all seen Britney Spears' new video for circus? I have to say, I am extremely underwhelmed. The idea of a circus is a really good metaphor for Hollywood and also led to very cool set designs and what not, but I am rather disappointed in Brit Brit herself. She really seems to have lost that spark; her dancing is lackluster, there wasn't much dancing in general, and I was just BORED by the video. I'm really cheering for her, but she's not giving me much to work with.

My sister also recently posted a youtube link on my wall that led me down the path of fond childhood memories and ridiculous anime. That's right, I'm talking about Sailor Moon. This shit is OLD, but good. I remember we bought all the Japanese comic books too even though we couldn't understand them, just so we could look at the pictures. One thing that baffled me even back then though, is why don't the bad guys ever run away!??! Whenever Serena started to use her barrettes and sceptars of awesomeness, the villains always just stood there screaming for 5 minutes while the energy beam slowly made their way over to kill them.

Also, a brief digression...This is kind of embarrassing but as long as I'm entertaining you guys might as well go all the way. When we were small my older sister would always get to pretend to be Sailor Moon while I was relegated the role of the cat or some other similarly miniscule role. One afternoon, she told me that she was REALLY Sailor Moon...which even in my 6 or 7 year old mind I pronounced as bullshit, but she swayed me after many minutes of convincing (more like 5). She told me that that night was the Midnight Ball and she was going, and obviously I fell to my knees and begged and pleaded for her to take me too, which she agreed to grudgingly. She told me to wake her up at midnight and she would open the magic portal and take me to the Midnight Ball...the rest of the day passed slowly but normally. Now at this time we were remodeling our house, so our entire family slept in the same room. My sister was on the top bunk while I was on the lower and my parents slept on their giant bed which was pushed up right next to ours. So we go to bed, and midnight comes and my eyelids spring open as if an alarm was ringing in my ear. I proceed to climb over my dad to try to wake up my sister on the top bunk, which of course wakes him up, which wakes up my mom, and they ask me WHAT in the world I am doing. All this commotion FINALLY wakes up my sister, who slowly realizes what's going on and proceeds to laugh hysterically for the next couple of days....or months....or years. This is a sample of what my childhood was like.

Speaking of my sister, she uploaded pictures of our dog recently. And for those observant enough to notice, yes, she is very into photography so the photo is of extremely high quality (as it should be, as she is using a $560 lens). Also, I guess that wasn't really a digression up there since I never went back to my original topic, but oh well. I digress again.


This is my dog. He is the cutest thing I have ever seen.


Also, to further amuse you all, here is a picture of the Mexican Walking Fish. According to Webecoist.com, "The Mexican walking fish is on the verge of extinction. It’s a caecilian (more about that in a bit), and it lives in - where else? - the waters off Mexico." I think it looks like a pokemon.




And saving the best for last (I'm lying, I liked these things all equally), I present to the the Fainting Goat. Also according to Webecoist.com, apparently they were bred as decoys to save the more valuable sheep from the preying wolves. That's kind of depressing to think about, but now they are also loved for their novelty and kept as pets :)



That is all. I hope you have all enjoyed this post.

I've loved being home. I like that when the sun is out it actually means it's warm, I like that I can go into the forest or up to the mountains anytime I want, and I also extremely like my car. Oh, my friends too. But maybe I came back for too long. 9 days is long enough for people to get sick of me, and vice versa sometimes as well. While everybody may deny this and say, nobody got sick of anyone! during this week, their body language and attitudes say differently. While they become my first priority, I am shuffled lower and lower down the list, and all of this time managing leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth and my returning insomnia. Other people we know we should see, but forget to call or try to avoid, because after all we're coming back in 2 weeks anyway. This makes me wonder-what type of relationships are these when it's only good when I am 3000 miles away? After not being able to see these people I care about for 3 months, you would think that we would all have a higher tolerance for each other, or at least we would value our time more. But I guess not. Winter break is going to be a trying time, I can already tell.

My flight is in 11 hours, and I guess I am ready to go back to Boston. Sure, I'll miss the sun and what not, but in the end college seems so much more simple. You are who you present yourself to be, not who they've already dissected and observed in the past. Small things are small things, get involved with them as you may wish. Despite the infinite number of creepers, there are still a few people I'd like to see again and missed this week.


Moving on, Boston here I come!
On the bright side, it's not snowing yet.

SO I am back under the beautiful California sun, and I fucking love it. My flight back was okay, JetBlue has personal TVs which is super cool and I slept through half o the flight. A little kid sat behind me though...not too good. Being at home is really weird though-It feels like college didn't happen at all and that it was all a dream. Everything else seems so far away? I know I missed a bunch of stuff this weekend (parties, events, etc.) but oh well. I don't know why, but everything seemed shorter too when I first got back. I thought I grew taller, but everybody else just laughed at me so I guess not :(. But yeah, being home is good. Drivers are not crazy, the sun is actually warm, the toilet paper is softer, my bed is more comfortable. It's weird using a PC again, and I also don't have a problem with falling asleep anymore! Something that plagued me terribly in Boston.

Home is pretty quiet right now since most people don't get back for a few more days, but that's okay. The love and the furious are both still around, so there's always something to do. Verde closed down, depressingly, but that's okay. ALSO, I gained no weight in college and then I came home and gained a few pounds. WHAT? Also, I have this great urge to go shopping and buy shitloads of things...namely cute winter jackets and the like :) We shall see how effective my self control is over the next few days. I'm definitely avoiding the crowds on Black Friday though.

I have a sty in my eyes and it fucking hurts...ONE IN EACH EYE TOO. It's really uncomfortable and I don't know why, but my eyes are super watery and stuff lately too, which makes me rub them which then leads to the sties (really weird plural word). ARGH it hurts to blink!! :(


I have jetlag. I am very tired.

So I am currently sitting in Terminal 11 of JFK international airport, waiting for my 7 hour flight to finally get back home. Yay for JetBlue Hot Spots and free Wi-Fi!!! And also for going home...:) I am however exhausted...Last night I went to bed at 1:30 and couldn't fall asleep until 5:30. I lay awake and restless until 4 AM, at which point I rolled out of bed to chat with some other nocturnal friends until 5:30, at which point i collapsed back into bed before waking up around 8:30 for my 9 AM class. SIGH. As a result I am kind of in that so tired I'm awake stage....everything is very clear vision wise and there is a sort of pulsating in the back of my head, but NO WORRIES. I'M ALMOST HOME.

More thoughts about sleep, Asians at BC, and home coming up soon.

So I just got an email from my professor saying that my 9 AM class is cancelled tomorrow....Needless to say, I am extremely pleased. Apparently my floormates and some people outside could hear me cheering, but they are just party poopers. As a result, all productivity has halted and i am sitting here writing an entry as I wait for my Easy Mac to cool. Oh, how I love you Easy Mac :) Once, my roommate said to me, "You eat that stuff like it's your job"...HAHA. whoops.

I have discovered a new feature on Blogger (thanks to an icon of green people saying 1 follower! which was Neri) that apparently we can follow other blogs now...much like Subscriptions on our dear friend Xanga, I would say. How useful! So if my last fooling arounds on Blogger didn't alert you to your secret stalker, now the green icon will.

My weekend was rather exciting-I watched Quantum of Solace on Friday with my floormates, and went to the football game and partied with the basement guys on Saturday. Sunday was spent on math hw, which took 4 hours (I haven't spent that long on math since like Freshmen year...) and one of my essays. Quantum of Solace is really quite an excellent film. Although many hard-core Bond fans will be disappointed, as it is not a typical Bond movie, Daniel Craig is still one BAMF. And the action doesn't disappoint either...So lesson, just watch it as a great action film.

I have a lot of work to do this week, partly cancelled out by and also caused by the fact that I am going home on FRIDAY!!! Basically, I called my mom and begged her to change my ticket home from Wednesday afternoon to Friday afternoon, and now I have a full 9 days to bask in the Cupertino sunshine :D. I am ridiculously excited by this fact, so excited that I guess I can overlook the 3 chapters of psych and book I need to read, the 3 2 papers I have due (just finished one 2 hours ago! YAY) and the math assignment, all due by Thursday. I suppose it's not that bad, I just have to focus.....says the girl waiting for Gossip Girl to load. I am sooooo SOOOOO sooooooooo excited to finally be going home.

Other side notes....
-I love Boston as a city
-I wish I was watching Vampire Weekend on 12/7, but alas there are no 2 tickets left
-a lot of people here are really inconsiderate and undependable....sad, and I would elaborate, but I am in a good mood and don't want to think about it
-I bought furry moccasins and slippers and a hat from target...I am extremely excited to get them
-it is freezing in Boston...and predicted to snow next week

So I realized that I read a lot of people's blogs, some of whom probably don't realize that they are being stalked. Not that I'm creepy, but I noticed this really cool blog thing that everybody else had that listed who they followed, and of course then I wanted one too, but then I realized that getting one reveals how many people's lives I consistently read about.....

Not that I'm creepy, or that I try (which I don't, I promise) but I think I found all of these blogs as a result of some homesick night and random linking from Tiffo's blog. I guess it's just nice keeping up with thoughts of people in situations very similar to mine, and just makes me less homesick knowing that I'm not the only one missing home and 300(o) miles away. But basically, a reiteration...I'm not creepy, just curious. And everybody I stalk, I like to think that I kept a positive rapport with during high school and that we talked at social events, even if it was not that often and even if they don't agree...not that I would know if they don't, haha.

So um...yeah...the secret's out I guess. Hello friends??


Also, this layout is driving me nuts because it's not wide enough to accommodate all the things I want...SO I'll be changing that too.


EDIT:
okay, I think I fixed it.

Shit, I had this really witty blog post (topic) planned out in my head as I was riding the bus, but then I forgot.

Okay, so I haven't updated in awhile, sue me. Wait, don't because I am a poor little college kid. But really, this past week has been ridiculously busy so it's not my fault. On a side note, I have been dubbed tetris queen in psych class. Heh. Okay, I'll retell my life chronologically.

1. I saw Of Montreal at the Orpheum Theatre on the 30th!!! And truly, they are amazing. So I pregamed a little too early and almost passed out during the opening act, Gang Gang Dance, but Of Montreal was invigorating! Gang Gang Dance is good too, really creepy sounds (which...I love. hehe) and the female singer was haunting. Of Montreal's set was so great. They are seriously so absurd and funny, and in the middle of the show they brought out a vegan cake for one of the band's members :) And the entire theater sang happy birthday to him!

2. Halloween! My floormates dressed up as ball players, or gold diggers (aka their hos :P) and I was the ref! We stayed in our dorms for a bit, took pictures and ran around the building visiting friends. Some guys from the second floor were Arnold, Gerald, and Quailman!!! They were very cute running around together :) Of course, there were a ton of Jokers, not many very well done though. We travelled over to main campus around 11 at which point I left my floormates and hit up a dance party with my other girlfriends, which was fun but SO NASTY!!! It was ridiculously hot and the sweat even CONDENSED so it dripped on me as I sat on a couch. GROSS. Despite some minor problems that carried over into the weekend, the night itself was a success I suppose.

3. They offered flu shots on campus on Wednesday, so I excitedly tried to get one...and after waiting in line for almost an hour, I get to the front and I can't get it because I'm not 18 yet, even though my birthday was in 2 days. Fuck my life.

4. My birthday was on Friday!! and I am finally 18, and it feels GREAT. The happiness started around 10 PM the night before because I just decided to not do any work and clean my room and move around the furniture. Okay, that's kind of weird but doing that always puts me in a great mood, even when I was small. I used to clean my room/move around my furniture when I couldn't sleep at night haha. And I got a few really thoughtful presents and my parents sent me balloons and a cake!!!! Which was really cute. :) I performed at an open mic night, which was really amazing b/c of all the ridiculously talented people, and then we went clubbing! Which was fun until we got kicked out, ahaha. I feel like there's some stuff I should think about about that night, but I'm just not going to haha.


5. NOTRE DAME GAME. The rivalry is pretty fun and interesting, especially all the anti-ND shirts that were being sold. It was raining on and off throughout the night, but the game was actually really fun to watch!! Maybe because it was a really short game, but I didn't really get bored. Our last football game!! I'm glad we won though :)

Okay, so my hell week is over. Some other interesting points...Election Day!! I wish I was in California for this election, but oh well. I think this election divided our country in terms of rivalry between Obama/McCain supporters, but hopefully the outcome and his actions can unite us. I got a 92 on my history midterm!! Woot.

I don't know what to think about the people here at BC yet...Definitely, there are people I love to death, but there are others that display certain traits that make me iffy about them. Maybe it's the result of being at a "rich" school, but a lot of people here have been raised so that they never have to think about the consequences of their actions. Or, I don't know if that's right, I can't necessarily blame their parents or their lifestyle...Maybe they are just the more irresponsible and undependable type. Which sucks, because I need people around me that I can rely on.

I'm so excited to go home.

A funny story:
So I brought my Mac to class for the first time 2 days ago, and proceeded to play tetris all period. The two guys sitting behind me were watching me play, and apparently in awe of my tetris skills because at one point I was about to die, one guy said, "Oh dude it's over" and then the other one responded with, "No dude, just watch. She's like Jesus" HAHAHA. That made my day :)

The past week has been rather intense, but in a good way. I had a history midterm on Wednesday so my Monday and Tuesday were full of studying...I even skipped Monday night beer pong!!! However, I hope I did well...I didn't not know anything but my essay was a little scattered, so we'll see when I get it back on Friday.

I realize that while I have mini-problems with a few of my classes, the only one I truly despise going to is Courage to Know. Now, I accept that this is not true of every student taking this class...but it is mainly because of my teacher. This class is supposed to be a seminar where we discuss social issues in America and otherwise, a sort of use-your-own-experiences-to-have-intellectual-discussions type thing, but my teacher is extremely overbearing and slightly offensive in her attempt to be controversial and prod us into reacting. Also, despite what she says, I do not feel comfortable expressing my opinions in class because she cuts me off and proceeds to tell me that what I think is incorrect and that I am just too close-minded/negative/cynical/naive. Those who know me know that I love to talk, I love having good thought-provoking conversations whether one-on-one or in a classroom setting. So, in order to make me afraid to talk and refuse an opportunity to discuss an important issue is truly an impressive feat.

But anyway, today she sent out an email saying that our class was slacking too much, saying that "And though it pains me to have to re-address problems that I had believed were behind us...it is once again time for me to send this message out in writing, as a warning, wake-up call, last chance, for those of you who for whatever reason, have not yet understood the significance and the process of being a freshman at a prestigious liberal arts Jesuit university". What the fuck? That's what I thought when I read this message. In no way did it inspire me to work harder, to care more about the class, or to basically like her at all. Her entire email was extremely condescending, referring to those who have "shown yourselves to be exceptional students and human beings"implying, or so it seems, that if you are a bad person in her class then you are a terrible human being.

Simply put, I just don't like her teaching style very much. Perhaps the reason that I don't care for this class is because I simply do not respect her, definitely not as a teacher and maybe not even outside of her occupation. That combined with the fact that it is an hour and fifteen minute long class at 9 AM just means that I do not feel inclined to go at all.

On another subject, I just checked my weather and saw this:

WHAT THE FUCK? YES, THAT SAYS SNOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I guess it's kind of exciting, but I'm expecting my toes and fingers to freeze already. Time to bust out the gloves!

Also, I attended a KSA retreat this weekend (Korean Students Association). No, I am not Korean but I didn't see any reason for that to prevent me from going, especially since a lot of my friends wanted to go as well. We went to this BEAUTIFUL camp called Camp Cody that was situated next to this enormous lake, and the place was really just gorgeous. I really miss wildlife...the lake reminded me of Stevens Creek Reservoir and just kind of made me miss home. But anyway, I digress.

The entire weekend was really emotionally draining as we slipped from one extreme to the next. The E-board (officers) all had really deep stories to share with us, but the nights were really ridiculous and fun. I learned a bunch of ridiculous games (everybody played games anywhere we went, basically any chance they had when they sat down in a circle) and we started the best frog game ever. The more serious side of the retreat manifested itself in discussions of issues and difficulties with being an Asian American and what this means not only at Boston College but also in our extended worlds. Coming from the bay area and a school that was 85% Asian, I had my eyes opened to a lot of things that I had never given much thought to. Also, coming to the East Coast, I think that I am more bothered by racist comments than the rest of my Asian friends here simply because I am not used to it. But that's life right? And the question now is how do I and we react to this? The mini-break from Boston College was much needed though...At the end of the three days I wasn't too ready to head back to the hectic college life yet.

On a side note, everybody at retreat was amazingly talented. So many people could dance, sing, beatbox, and play guitar...and even rap! Amazing!!!

Alas, it is 9:03 PM and I have some reading to do before Monday night beer pong beckons, so I need to get on that. Some last thoughts...The Of Montreal concert is this Thursday!!!! I am so excited to see them live, but I think I would give that up to watch Hard Haunted Mansion in socal this weekend...:( OH Justice and Crystal Castles, how you tug on my heart strings. Also, Halloween is this Friday!!! I am ridiculously excited and hope that my costume gets here on time. My birthday is NEXT Friday, and I'll finally be 18!! After that, just 2 more weeks until I finally get to go home!!!! Oh how I miss the California sunshine <3

It is currently 4:32 AM. Why am I awake? I did not drink tonight, I did not go crazy or go out or get dressed all cute or mingle with many people. The most exciting thing I did tonight was attend the football game against Virginia Tech which took place in 30 degree weather, and truly it was freezing. It was very fun to watch though, and we won, so hooray.

It is currently 4:32 AM. I have some songs playing that take me back to the long stretch of Highway 5 with a van full of sleeping friends heading back home after a fun weekend excursion. I just watched a video that takes me back to a dark room in a friend's house, watching a light show in wonder. The voices ooh-ing and ahh-ing and cheering in the video could almost be mine, and I know exactly what it's like to be seeing what they are.

It is currently 4:36 AM. I miss my old life. I miss being able to fuck around all the time and do whatever we wanted to without too much worry for consequences. I miss the group hangouts, the one-on-one talks, the little things about each person that make them unique. I miss driving my car through familiar streets to get some nice pearl milk tea on a cold night. I miss defining cold as some 50 degrees, instead of freezing point. I miss the close proximity of everybody I really cared about, and the fact that we were even in the same time zone at all. I miss my good friends and how I could talk to them about anything without them assuming some undertone that really doesn't exist, or without them judging me for my faults. I miss knowing what I was doing and where I was, figuratively and literally.

It is currently 4:39 AM. I don't know why I'm thinking about this right now...Life at Boston College has gotten drastically better, and I am no longer seriously considering transferring, which I suppose is a good sign. Maybe it's because I'm a lot further from the city than I thought (a 30 minute train ride which closes at midnight) and because I'm even a lot further from the main campus than I thought (on a separate freshmen dorm on the law school campus), but it's harder for me to call this place home. After a pretty terrible first month, things are looking up, but I haven't felt this...strange, in quite awhile. I thought that I had gotten over it, but I guess not. Hopefully it'll fade?

It is currently 4:43 AM. I miss my old life. I guess you could call it high school, as in not the education reference itself but rather that time period. I miss people, special one(s) in particular. Life is not being cruel, this was my choice. Change is inevitable, but even though I try to accept that fact and embrace it instead of hiding, sometimes it's hard. I want my old life back. At this very moment, I would give up the whole dorm college life, partying every weekend, meeting new people, to be singing, dancing, working hard and seeing results, and being with my friends again.

It is currently 4:45 AM. I am going to bed. Good Night.

So Columbus Day weekend has passed. The past week and weekend has been very good, and even though I didn't manage to make it to all my classes as I'd hope I would (blame the lack of sleep...) I did rather well on one of my midterms and my history paper, and waiting on the others to get handed back. Oh Monta Vista, how you prepared me. To be honest, after taking APs at MV, the classes here are really not that difficult...I mean yeah. I'm doing as much work as I did senior year, maybe even less haha. Oh well! I'm not complaining. This weekend was also really good, just what I needed I think. I'm glad to know that things work themselves out eventually, even though the rest of campus was a fucking ghost town since everybody here is either from New York, Jersey, or just the general Massachusetts area...and everybody went home for the weekend. Nothing was going on at night whatsoever, but at least I had company :)

In other news, I realized recently that I am missing underwear. Not only does this slightly creep me out, but it also pisses me off, kind of. I liked my underwear!! And now I had to go out and buy more that I like much less than my previous pairs, and yeah it's just kind of a hassle. I mean either somebody stole it out of my laundry, or I forgot to get it out of a machine or something...I don't know. How annoying.

Also, something that I've been thinking about ever since we got here...How do we define personal space? On the buses here everybody sits at least with one seat in between each other when the situation permits, and when somebody breaks this rule the poor victim sits uncomfortably for the rest of the ride looking down or towards the front of the bus awkwardly trying to keep their thighs from touching the strangers' or trying to avoid any eye contact whatsoever. This applies to walking too. I have found myself, on numerous occasions, speeding up or slowing down to maintain my personal space, letting people pass or passing others so that I do not find myself walking side by side with somebody who I have never seen before. Also, I am generally not a noisy walker. However, I find that when I am walking alone behind someone, I will shuffle my feet or cough or something to let the person in front of me know that I am there so that they don't turn around randomly at some point and get the shit scared out of them by me, which I think would personally also be an equally traumatizing experience.

On the flip side, sitting by yourself like an island in a class full of 200 people is kind of lonely.



Countdowns to some (fun) things:
2 days to the ice cream social
11 days until the sexual chocolate/synergy show (stepping/hiphop crew :D)
12 days until spring registration for classes starts
16 days until the of montreal concert
17 days until halloween (what should i be!?)
21 days until election day
24 days until MY BIRTHDAY
43 days until thanksgiving break

Some things just never really leave you, you know. You think you're over it and then weeks, months, years later you remember and the bad memory just kind of socks you in the stomach all over again, and despite thinking that you didn't care anymore suddenly you're just as angry/sad as the first time it happened. What do I do now? Just sit and wait for it to pass, I suppose, and hope that nothing gets in my way.

On a brighter note, I saw Death Cab for Cutie on Friday!!!! And it was amazing. St. Vincent opened up for them, they sounded a lot like Rilo Kiley, maybe a little bit of Feist? The main singer had a much creepier shrieking voice though. I love love love love Ben Gibbard. He is amazing. except the set was MUCH too short...only an hour and a half so we were out by 10:30 (it started at 7:30). The first half he would play one song off of the new album (which isn't that good) and then one old song, so it was okay. But the second half....SO GOOD. Apparently they're re-releasing Transatlanticism because it's like the 10 year reunion of the album or something, so the second half was all from that first wonderful EP. I'm glad I went! And I got this awesome t-shirt :).

This weekend has been pretty fun, I guess. Many close calls with RAs and cops, but nothing quite as panic-inducing as the first time. I need to improve at beer pong! Harhar, an acquired skill I guess. It's kind of disappointing though when you realize that somebody you really liked isn't quite as cool as you thought, or people display kind of unattractive traits when inebriated...or just in general. Oh well though....:/ We keep looking, I guess. Also, if I had to guess, I'd say that it's not that healthy to sleep at 5 on the weekends and wake up at 2 and then sleep at 1 on weekdays and wake up at 8, but that's just my guess. I love to sleep, what can I say!

3 tests and a paper due this week. I am not very excited. I should be heading into a fun Columbus Day weekend though, as long as I can get my wind back from being punched in the stomach...again. We'll see, but yeah. A day off from school is never a bad thing :).

This week flew by so fast! Last week seriously took freaking forever...so annoying. But yeah! Tonight is the first general meeting for KSA, tomorrow is the Death Cab concert, and the weekend should be exciting as well! Yay :) Then, next week is crazy :( 3 tests and a paper due, so I guess I'll just have my share of fun this weekend so I can buckle down and be all hardcore about school next week haha.

I saw the Blue Man Group on Saturday with my family, and I must say it was rather amazing. The musical talent is through the roof, and the show is thoroughly entertaining, albeit a little slow when they disappear into the audience and what not. I won't describe anything in case anybody wants to see it in the future, since this is something that definitely shouldn't be ruined. But...GO SEE IT!

Um, yeah. I don't really have anything interesting to say, harhar. Except that I ordered rainboots and a northface jacket online, and my mom is sending me ramen from home so I'm super excited for all my packages coming in the near future!!! I've been wearing flipflops while it's been pouring and I keep slipping on the sidewalk in really public places, which is super embarassing. I love getting mail anyway so...WRITE TO ME!!! That also reminds me, I was cleaning out my inbox earlier and I saw an email saying Victoria's Secret Shipment Confirmation, and I forgot that the word secret is a part of the store name so I thought somebody was secretly sending something to me, so I got super excited and then really disappointed when I realized...Darn :(


It's October already, and I'm already picking my classes for Spring semester...Time is just flying by, really.

Thank Fucking God it's Friday. I am really living weekend to weekend here...I don't know why I've lost all enjoyment in weekdays, har-har. But anyway, rain has descended on Boston like the locusts on the ancient Egyptians...that is to say, in a very destructive and annoying way. I really really need rainboots. Good thing it's parents weekend! My parents have flown over from little old Cupertino and Yasmine is coming down from Brown, and we're going shopping tomorrow as a family followed by watching the Blue Man Group, which I am pretty excited for. Sunday we take Yasmine back to Providence, and just hanging around I suppose. I really need a lot of warm winter clothing, and RAINBOOTS. Good lord, how I need them. Fine, laugh at me you weakly Californians...I refuse to sucumb to this weather!

Several random notes from the week:
-Why do hotel pens always work the best? They are smooth, nice rollerball pens, usualy in black, and they are SO nice to write with!!! So why do people spend $500 on really nice pens when I can just steal an excellent one (although probably not equal in quality) from whatever hotel I am residing in for the night? As I thought about this, I was writing with my Holiday Inn pen. Doubletree ones are equally as great, perhaps even better.
-Something that REALLY REALLY annoys me...So in our public bathrooms in our dorms, we have plastic shower curtains, and really high power shower nozzles. Sounds normal, no? NO. When you turn on said shower nozzles, they are so high speed that apparently they create gusts of wind from the water shooting out, and this creates a breeze that affects the shower curtains. As in, while I try to shower, the shower curtain somehow blows towards me and sticks to my legs, which, for anybody who has never had wet plastic stuck on their skin before, is truly a disgusting feeling. And it persists! No matter how many times I bat the stupid curtain back, it blows back, determined to grab onto my legs.
-In lieu of rainboots, perhaps it would be better to just wear flipflops and roll up my jeans. It's not that cold now (it was in the 50s the past week), just wet. So with flipflops, I could just wipe off my feet instead of having wet socks the entire day. Hmmm....

I'm sick and somewhat miserable. I took a day off school and slept for 18 hours, and felt significantly better after that, which is nice I guess. Another problem with not living on the main campus is that I'm just so LAZY to get my ass on that bus to go to class. And, nobody here cares if you miss! Self-motivation is a tricky tricky thing, my friends. And it's too easy to just get the notes from somebody else. Obviously, I am showing up for tests and classes that take role and what not, but honestly? Even in one of my small classes the teacher doesn't know my name. We have 20 kids in this class, come on. I haven't been to a full week of school in awhile...and considering I've been here for a month...

After the first not-so-great month of college, things are looking up. Like I mentioned before, living weekend to weekend is better than living break to break, I suppose. I am rather excited though. My family is here this weekend, I'm watching Death Cab for Cutie next Friday, Of Montreal on October 30th, and hopefully there will be a terrific (I just thought about Charlotte's Web, haha!) Columbus Day weekend too. Many things to look forward to! And if all else fails, there is Thanksgiving break. :) College is finally fun (most of the time), like it's supposed to be.

So, it has definitely been one hell of a week. And just as I thought things were getting better, crazy nights become too crazy, and I end up talking to cops because my new friend is going to the hospital. I had met her at a bbq earlier in the day and we along with 2 other girls went together to some party on the main campus. It was fun, and it was a dance party, and then she disappeared at a party for an hour or two and we found her drunk as fuck on the stairs as we were leaving. She couldn't stand and threw up everywhere on the way to the bus stop, so the cops saw and took her...She's okay now though, and I'm not getting written up, for anybody who cares.

Last night was fun as well, some nice beer pong before heading into the woods behind my dorm to smoke. So we're sitting in a circle on the ground just hanging out, and we see these two figures coming towards us and we all freak out completely and start sprinting the other direction. However, my friend had dropped her phone when she started running, so we went back to find it, therefore having to talk to the strangers. So it turns out they are holding giant sticks (that looked like spears...) and weren't even students at Boston College, and they wanted to hang out with us for the rest of the night....Keep in mind, it is so dark that I couldn't even see what they looked like. I only remember that the taller guy was wearing a black windbreaker jacket that said boise on the back in white. So the shorter guy is extremely creepy and says things like, "You know all of this simply makes me more desirous to know your names," while stepping forward towards me and the other girl. Yeah, there are a lot of creepers here. Somehow the guys we were with managed to tell them to go away, at which point they turned and walked deeper into the forest...and we spent the rest of the night wondering where our friend had went (he had sprinted away and hopped a fence and then proceeded to disappear) and whether or not they were stalking us and getting ready to kill us. Yeah....

College is insane.
Hopefully though, it will be better for all other college newbies, not as homesick or lonely, and no cops or vomit or severe emotional distress involved. The first month is hard! I can testify to that..but you know, everybody gets through it...or transfers, har-har.

It randomly just started pouring here, and I love it.
Aside from the humidity, i love the weather here in Boston :).
I have cramps, it really sucks, I'm not going to lie.

Also, people make fun of me for saying hella, booo. Honestly, saying something is "hella cool" sounds so much better than saying something is "mad ill"....which is kind of painful to my ears. I've been getting some new music from friends (since I can't download anything here..) and it's nice to get some new stuff in.

Okay, I can't form any cohesive, smooth, or witty sentences. Sorry all, you have to bumble through this. Hopefully, more exciting things will happen in the coming week that I can blog about, or I will have some random thoughts in class that I can put down in a funny and interesting way. Until then, my dears!

Somehow, in the past 24 hours, my life has turned into one big fucking soap opera.
I hate it.

At some point, making others happy, doing what you want, becomes overpowering, taking away your overall happiness as some terrible horrible cost. Where is this point? I wish I knew. I wish this didn't happen.

I don't understand, why people do the things they do. I think, if I can resist, if I can do something, then why can't they?


It was morning, and nothing has changed. Nothing is better, I feel exactly the same. Why would you do that? Why would you go and do something like that, to me?
It's so hard to stop shaking sometimes.
What do I do now?

Sometimes, somebody puts a pit of deep shit in front of you twice, and after the first one you don't think it'll happen again, but then you fall into the second one because it was in your path. What do you do now? How the fuck am I supposed to get out of here without getting dirty? What do I do now?



Maybe, it's my fault. I should've watched out for the second one and just saved myself.

I am really tired of being labeled. I mean, of course though, if I didnt enjoy the football game it's because a girl and i couldn't possibly care even an ounce about the sport, if I hang out with all asians then we're invading and if I don't hang out with asians then I'm the token asian girl, or whitewashed. This is something that irritates me to no end. Last night, a couple of friends and I (we all happen to be asian, yes) were grabbing some food before a concert and we proceeded to the only 4 seats left in the cafeteria, that happened to be next to a humongous table of asians. as we attempted to sit down, the girl next to us told us that one of the seats were taken, so no big deal, my friend went to find a chair to pull up to the table. As he left, the girl's friend said, "Oh wait they can sit there, our friends can just sit next to us," to which the first girl replied, "Oh, oh well whatever, asians are invading anyway," as she glanced pointedly at the table next to us while gathering the empty box of the highly overpriced shitty sushi that our cafeteria sells, which she probably thought was the best sushi she's ever had in her life.

This is not the first time that this has happened while I was with that group of friends, and I am damn sure it won't be the last. I never knew that this would be a problem here. Our school is actually quite diverse, which I've touched on before anyway, but of course, that just means that asians are invading. White people usually hang out in groups too, and the same with black kids. But if asians do it, then it's suddenly not okay, and we get whispers and not so quiet comments on our ethnicity as we walk through campus. It's fucking ridiculous, and actually really bothers me. It's really sad how in this day and age, at this type of school, that is still a problem. But anyway...


So I didn't make a capella, or dance ensemble, unsurprisingly. Another surprising fact...If you are not amazing at what you like to do, then you have barely any opportunities to do it. Where am I supposed to dance b/c I am not a hip hop star, or a primo ballerina? When can I sing if I did not make a group? Maybe it's just because the things I enjoy are all audition-required here, but I am kind of disappointed. I hope I find somewhere to go, and something to do with all my free time. Maybe this is the time to learn how to play ultimate frisbee, har-har.

On another note, UC kids are leaving soon too. Weird!!! Everybody has had an extra month, and now it's their turn to frantically pack and be nervous and excited and what not. College is not the great perpetual funfest it seems to be, but that does not mean that it is unenjoyable either. Probably just me, but I have been really moody here....maybe not for any particular reason but a mix of several, I think. There was a concert for The Roots yesterday though, which was really fun, except my throat hurt when I woke up this morning, and I did not regain my hearing for quite awhile after we got out. I came back to my room last night after the concert like a good girl so I wouldn't be tired for dance auditions this morning, but tonight is a new night with no obligations tomorrow to keep me in!!! Fun ahead, hopefully.

Acapella auditions were yesterday afternoon, and I think they went okay. My nerves don't affect me mentally as much, only physically...which is even more embarrassing I think. After the first one, I was shaking so hard and I couldn't stop, even though I didn't feel anxious at all. I wish I could sing in front of people as well as I could dance....but oh well, practice I suppose. We find out about callbacks within the next day or so, and I really hope I make it. I know that acapella is really intense on the east coast, but it is honestly the only thing that I truly want to devote all of my time to, and I don't know what else I could do to fill up my time that would be nearly as enjoyable. Well, news to come!

Our first home football game was Saturday afternoon, and it was miserable. Everybody (including me) thinks the east coast is SO MUCH colder than the west coast, but this is in fact not true. This is another type of heat, the humid sticky disgusting heat of Taiwan, for those who have been there. True, it is 20 degrees cooler than back home, but there is no air conditioning in my dorm and I feel like I am bathing in sweat all the time. But I digress. Saturday afternoon was particularly brutal. The clouds and the air were swelled with even more water, as storms were predicted for the day, but during the football game the blazing sun prevailed. So basically, I stood on unstable silver bleachers squished by hundreds and thousands of other people sweating for 4 hours to watch out team lose. It was a miserable miserable experience. It poured later in the day and my evening was spectacular, so I guess it has nearly erased that memory from my mind.

I realized that although all of my teachers are very amusing and interesting, there are a few that use that as a cover to hide the fact that I'm not learning anything!! Thank you Monta Vista, you have prepared me well. Classes are not that hard here, at all, actually, and I no longer feel satisfied if I am not learning. Okay, fine. I am a bookworm. I like to learn and be intellectually stimulated, and right now I'm rather ridiculously bored because I'm not, in several of my classes. Not that I don't like the teacher, but rather that they are good people, not teachers. I'll have to consider my classes more carefully for next semester, I suppose.

On an interesting topic, not quite triggered by anything...Whenever we get really deeply hurt, we suddenly manage to delude ourselves thinking that what we had done had been good and wholesome and simply misinterpreted. In the onslaught of betrayal or whatever we got, we forget any ulterior motive that was possibly "not right" and sink into self-righteousness, because nobody deserves to hurt like that. We manage to convince ourselves that we did it for them, or we meant no harm, when in reality we just didn't think it through, or knew something was slightly off but ignored it because it was easier. We do anything and everything we can possibly trick ourselves into believing, because with something that cuts this deep, we wouldn't be able to stand it if any part of it was our fault.


More thoughts on life and college to come. I hope I make it!

Okay, so I miss home. That may or may not be because I am pretty much the only one on campus right now and not at some welcome week boat cruise, but nonetheless! I procrastinated getting tickets and then made other plans to explore Boston that fell through because of a ridiculously long dorm meeting and then there were extra tickets but I didn't want to have to rush to get ready because of the aforementioned long meeting. So now I'm sitting at my computer, having watched every person I am possibly acquainted with here walk out to the buses to go on the cruise. OH WELL. I guess staying in for one night isn't like a terrible thing, although tomorrow looks to be kind of slow too...since classes START the next morning!


Something I was thinking about but forgot to blog about during orientation....my parents are WEIRD!! Like they are really absurd people haha. I think as my sister and I have grown up, my parents are allowed to show more personality now and it's kind of weird (my mom more than my dad), although that explains a lot about me and Yas. Case in point, my mom "allowed" my dad to buy a really nice car for his 50th birthday or something, and they came home from the dealership with this really nice 2 door BMW with red leather interior. Now, this thing is sexy, and my parents get in the door and my mom says, "Yeah, I'm driving that." Okay, so my dad is kind of a pushover when it comes to my mom, but yeah. She told us she hates gray and only picked it because of the red. WHAT? Some more examples...(imagine these in broken chinese and just chinese in general)

(while I was taking a survey for freshmen)
me: mom what did I get on the SATs
mom: i don't remember, why?
me: well i need it for this thing
mom: OO make it up and make yourself sound really smart!!

(after I got a flat tire on the way to school)
mom: HAHA the triple A guys' eyes bugged out when I drove up to meet him at your car in the BMW!!
me: ...omg mom.
mom: Yeah he was really impressed and I even flirted with him a little to get the tire change for free
me and my sister: OMG MOM
dad: (quietly eats dinner)

I know there was a moment here in Boston with my dad that when it happened I thought to myself OMG I AM TOTALLY BLOGGING ABOUT THAT IN MY WEIRD PARENTS BLOG but I forgot, so oh well. Maybe next time!


In other news, it's like drugs don't exist at Boston College. The general consensus is like OMG IF YOU DO DRUGS YOURE A TERRIBLE PERSON, and nobody even talks about weed, although I did smell it at like 2 AM last night. At the meeting earlier tonight they made charts on the powerpoint to show penalties for certain things and our 3 strikes rule, and we went over the alcohol chart in GREAT detail, questions afterwards and the whole shebang, and then we completely skipped the chart for the drugs. I guess drug culture is pretty much nonexistent here, which isn't bad but kind of a change, I'd say. I mean this is the weekend before school starts, pretty much the 3rd day and so far, many things have happened already: party busted in the other dorm, party busted on the main campus, girl drank way too much and got alcohol poisoning so the cops and ambulance came, guy arrested and kicked out of the dorms...Go class of 2012!!! HAHA.


Also, relationships are never really what they seem are they? Everything is so fragile and complex, why did we ever have to label them to begin with? Who made up the rules that we're all supposed to follow? Life is too short to be envious, even though it's hard to resist sometimes. I'm satisfied, if not happy, with the way my life is...and that's enough, I guess. How do people change so fast, so easily, so often?

So I've been at Boston College for about 4 days now...Orientation is done with, and I am finally allowed to sleep in. I'm not quite sure why, but I fail HARDCORE at college. (A bit of background information....I'm on Newton, which is the freshmen campus that is like 2 miles away from the main campus. I have to take the bus to get back to school everyday, which comes every 15 min or so) My alarm clock has failed me miserably so far, and I missed one bus by about 2 minutes, and the other decided to turn off at my bus stop and not move for 20 minutes. I have gotten destroyed by dodgeball (I am currently sporting a bruise the size of my thigh on my thigh and a strange rash on my chest/throat from getting the wind knocked out of me there). I missed a lot of mail that the advisors tell me is very important and I've left everything else I received at home.

I really hope this isn't symbolic of my next 4 years.


As of now though, I get to (kind of) relax, and not have to rush to make the bus for another 5 days. It's kind of lonely in my room since my roommate doesn't move in until Saturday, but I guess this is where my social skills (if any) are put to the test. Enough about me, more about Boston. This place is absolutely gorgeous. The architecture here is much more gothic, and everything seems kind of old (but not decrepit) and made of brick, but with multicolored brick, which creates a very light effect versus the I'm a hick on the farm effect. The campus is huge, but I am assuming that I will learn, eventually. My classes are satisfactory with nothing before 9 and nothing I despise, but starting everyday at 10 does sound quite appealing...hehe. My orientation was pleasantly surprisingly diverse, but that could just be because all the travelers came to this one (ie all the really intense kids from South Korea and every other international school kid). The guys here are built like trees, which is something I'll probably have to get used to (No offense, tree-like men). Everything is just, different, to sum it up in the easiest and most obvious way.

I do miss home. I don't have much time to think about it, but in the random moments where another priest is giving us another lecture on another service opportunity (not that I think they're stupid, just that we've heard it all 3 times already), I snap out of it and realize I was thinking about how one of my friends would react to all this, or what I would be doing if I was back in time 3 hours. By the time I'm back in my dorm, most of my friends are out and about, and when I wake up and am bored I have nobody to text lest they chew me out for waking them up. Like I've said before, it is hard to be away first and so far, but yeah. Life goes on!





Some people are lucky to get cute texts everyday and requests for songs, and basically a try-hard form of contact. I know, I shouldn't be bitter, this was after all my choice too, but it's hard when I like to make an effort while its easier for another to just put it out of their mind, and basically not think about it (or me?) at all. I have to remember that I don't have a say in anything anymore.

People are leaving. People have been leaving. I am leaving. One of my really good friends moved to San Francisco today...when he pulled up onto my driveway with all his stuff in tow, jumped out of his car and gave me a hug, I really wanted to cry. He has been a colossal component of my past 4 years, and the first person I interact with on a regular basis to leave this tiny town. It's really starting to hit me now, that I will be leaving in approximately 34 hours and also, that I am still helplessly unpacked. Okay, so I procrastinate. Whoops. I didn't get to see a lot of people I wanted to, but this summer I was strangely okay with that. Even from the beginning of senior year, everybody pretty much started drifting in their own random directions, and it's about time too. Life goes on.

(On a separate note, if anybody would like to see a copy of my packing list feel free to ask!)


So with life comes changes right..?

I know, all in all, that I like being in a relationship. Monogamy suits me, for some strange reason. I love having somebody to spoil, I love working hard to make things work, and even though obviously fights are miserable, I like working through it. I can't help it! I guess, despite the cliche or what not, i really love being in love. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to let go? I am not the type that wants to play around and have drunken hookups...I like having somebody to come home to. However, I am also in an extremely transitional period of my life...I am after all only 17 (I know, being young blows.) and who knows what type of person I will be in 4 years, or even in 2 and a half months? Cross my fingers and hope for the best, but forcing something is a bad idea. Going with the flow, letting things go, taking things more lightly. Big picture! I try to remind myself.

If things go well, hopefully I'll come back a really trendy East Coaster that laughs in the face of these little California rains having the time of my life and doing the things I love with the people I love. This includes but is not limited to; joining/making an acapella group, dancing more, deciding on a major, a sweet schedule that means that I don't have class on Friday nor do I have to wake up before 7, new friends AND old friends, and basically just lots and lots of fun. I really hope I make an acapella group.

It's almost goodbye!

So as of today, I have 1 week and 3 days left here. People are already starting to leave, which is CRAZY, and my sister left last week to go backpacking for Europe for 3 weeks. Since she isn't getting back until the weekend before both of our schools start, that means I won't be seeing her again until after we're both at college...STRANGE. I really admire what she's doing though. Despite some initial problems, she is finally backpacking through Europe, something that she has wanted to do for who knows how long. And her backpack is relatively light too...she showed me yesterday and I can't believe that there are literally 3 weeks of stuff in there. So yeah, I hope she has fun with her new very straight teeth and partying it up in Amsterdam and pretty much every other European country.

I wish I knew what I was doing....hahah darn. It's time to start packing and buying things, and I feel like there's so much left to do before I leave. But then again, I think about whether or not I would rather have an entire extra MONTH of summer, and I wouldn't particularly enjoy that either...or would I? Hm...CURIOUS. Oh how those little decisions and words back in October made such a big difference. Although if I had to pick between leaving first and leaving last, in the end I would still want first. ALSO, I finished AlcoholEdu today, which was mostly ridiculous but I guess kind of interesting....not really.

On another topic...anger is so fickle. It's strange how little it takes to set me (or anybody for that matter) off, and despite the fact that even in the moment I know that I am overreacting or being unreasonable, I can't stop my face from burning or my throat from choking. Even much later on, when I have long since gotten over it, when I remember the situation I can still so clearly remember how furious I had been...or even in some cases relive it. I'm not sure which is better, to be honest. Would I rather have unwarranted crazes that when I look back on, I shake my head at myself, ashamed at how violently angry I had been? Or would i rather take what i have now, a constant understanding of how I had felt at any given moment...which while means that I have never gone absolutely batshit insane, I constantly carry those emotions and memories with me, ready at any time to rise up and take over my current mood. It's hard! While this empathy with myself obviously helps me to better understand myself, it's also hard to deal with things that I know no longer matter yet I can't get rid of.

On another note, with everybody leaving so soon, I feel like all the silly high school drama which gripped people's lives is so far behind me, or us. While there were obviously people that I avoided or disliked, in all honesty that itself was just something to do. My annoyance fades quickly with time, and just because I do not want to spend excess time with them does not mean that I need(ed) to be cruel. Oftentimes, it was and is gossip that creates rivalry. It's hard when people ridicule others and look at you as if you agree, and even when you don't they will tell others that you hate the topic of discussion. How hard is it to get along with people? It's so unfortunate that humans feed off negativity and therefore create it so they can satisfy their own inadequate lives, but that's something we are all prone too. Whatever though, I suppose. It doesn't matter anymore! And it's time to better ourselves and pick better friends from a bigger range of people, ha-ha.



Oh gosh, in a week and a half I will never have curfew again. I've been waiting so long for this...hahahhaa. Oh me.

In preparation for my trip to Taiwan, I went music-crazy and downloaded all these albums that my friends recommended...including Steve Aoki, Vampire Weekend, Girl Talk, Ok Go, Crystal Castles, and the Midnight Juggernauts, among others. The entire duration of my stay in Taiwan I had my Recently Added playlist on repeat, which was very pleasant and set a pretty sweet soundtrack to the the city. I tend to like really creepy songs...(please, at this point, look up Noah's Ark by Coco Rosie) and I don't know. Songs that make you feel something...even if I don't know what it is. But as I shuffle slowly through these songs whose singers' voices MEAN something to me and seem to be calling out for something more, it makes me appreciate music all over again.

Over the past year, substances (illegal and otherwise) seem to have crept into my life more than I ever thought possible. For me, everything in moderation seems to be okay...except very few people seem to know where that line is. Perhaps it's because it's summer and people just generally have a lot more money (sometimes) and time and in Cupertino, there really isn't that much to do if you don't try hard to keep yourself occupied. Oftentimes, everybody is too lazy to try, to poor, or just too unwilling. I don't know what to do about this. What can I do when everybody around me just sinks into the convenience of some substance that makes the hours fly by....everyday? It's weird, how this is a problem now. What happened to good, sober fun? However, I can't say that I am squeaky clean either, so who am I to pass judgment here?

Which brings me to my last point. I want something more out of my life than what I and apparently everybody else is settling for. I want to be satisfied with my life, and I don't want to waste any bit of it. There's so much out there, and I want to better myself and not accept anything less, from myself or others. How do you improve the quality of life? I'm not sure...we work hard, we play hard, and just...I don't even know anymore. Haha...I don't know. It's hard to get frustrated at a lifestyle that even I perpetuate...Is it possible to not be a hypocrite?





I want everything to work out amicably, if not the way planned, and for people to just be happy...substances unnecessary.

In 6 hours, I will be heading for the airport and therefore heading home. This is my last time visiting Taiwan in who knows how long, since growing up means having my own agenda (Actually, I could be lying...apparently we might be taking a Taiwan/Japan trip with the family next May..haha). When I get back, it will be August 2nd, which means I will be finding out my roommate and rooming (I hope I get good ones!), and that I will be leaving for Boston in 23 days. That's a scary thought, considering I still have no idea what the heck I am doing, or what I need to buy here or over there and what I need to be prepared and what specific classes I want or....yeah. I'm excited but nervous, and also not ready to go...There are definitely still things left in Cupertino that I need to accomplish, wrap up, or figure out.

With that said, as I slowly say goodbye to Taiwan, some interesting notes:
-My mom protected me from a lecherous (drunk?) old man on the bus the other day. Even though he was holding on to the pole on the other side of the bus, he was standing so ridiculously close to me (I was on the other side of the bus) that I couldn't turn around...ALSO, SORRY OLD MAN but it's kind of apparent that despite your midget height you are looking down...that is definitely NOT your eye level.
-Taiwan is really beautiful, in it's own tropical way. Typhoon or burning sunshine, the jungle and the mountains and even the nightlife and the city lights are beautiful, and I will miss it despite the extreme weather.
-I got on a bus yesterday and heard John Mayer :). Similarly, somewhat, I was at this asian version of Costco the other day and the CD section was blasting hyphy music.
-The McDonalds here is open 24/7 and delivers to your door at any hour. Now, if this was available in America, potheads across the nation would rejoice, having finally found the cure for their munchies at 2 AM as they cry against the just-closed drive-through of Jack-in-the-Box.
-George, my cousin, and all of their friends have been really nice to me and taking care of me here...since my mother treats me like a fussy toddler who needs to be taken everywhere hand-in-hand. But, regardless...THANKS :)

I am excited to go home. :)

So now that I'm starting to blog regularly for the public again, a question arises regarding how personal my posts will be. Seeing as how I have no idea or no control over who reads this, how much of my life am i really willing to let the world know about? Actually, I guess the previous statement only applies assuming that people will read this..har-har.

I have always been a more public person, I guess. I mean, I don't think I have any deep dark secrets, just more of shit that I would prefer not the entire world to know about...but I guess even if they did it wouldn't really matter. With that said, I guess it also matters even less now. On the threshhold of college and leaving high school behind, the people that I directly interact with on a regular basis are about to change drastically...and to be honest (if not blunt), I really just do not give a shit about high school drama and the people who perpetuate it, regardless of whether they read this or not. I mean, sure, they'll try to create something, but they are more unimportant now than ever...COLLEGE is waiting for me bitches. Sorry :)

What is really stopping me from just laying it all out though, is the fact that the people that I regularly interact with are the ones that affect me, and thus would be blogged about. I can definitely name at least one person who would be VERY displeased if I wrote about them on here...just because they like people not knowing about their business. Also, I have to consider that our deepest darkest thoughts are often very different from the ones that we let other people view...that people we care about, despite your relationship as it is, would be very hurt to find out what you're keeping to yourself. And even though I recognize their faults and am hurt by them sometimes, or I make observations to myself (and maybe in my writing) about these people, I still love them dearly and have no wish to offend them. They are what they are, and no need to rub it in. I respect them, and thus, I will still exercise discretion.

So I guess my original question must be answered with a to-be-determined. While I realize that personal insights are probably the most interesting thing to read, I also have to consider the effect that posting these things might have on my daily life. HMMM....what a dilemma. I guess there's nothing to do about it, but to wait and see I guess. :) Because giving some bullshit answer like, "I will definitely try to the best of my ability to be honest here while not offending anybody" is stupid, and completely impossible.


In other news, the typhoon is RAGINGG. I am stuck inside all day, and there's not much to do. My cousins are so big now!! I remember we used to play with them when they were so small, and now theyre in 7th grade. RIDICULOUS. Then I remembered that I'm in college now, and I felt even more strange. I love Taiwan food. :)

So today, I logged out of my xanga account and when I tried to log back in, I didn't remember my password. Not panicking yet, I clicked the convenient "Forgot Password?" button, and promptly sent my password to my registered email. So, a bit of time passes, and no email containing salvation arrives. I check all of my accounts, nothing. And then, a sinking feeling. I realize that the email registered to my xanga account was deleted. NOW WHAT?

So, lucky me, on my lovely mac Safari browser I am still signed into Xanga. However, in order to change my registered email, I need to enter my password for "extra protection", which is screwing me hard instead. While I can still access xanga there, maybe it is time for a change...God knows I've had that xanga since 2005, back when it was all the rage.

So welcome to Pet Monsters and Fat Cats...my now daily blog. I always did find writing to be quite therapeutic, so I guess I will start posting regularly for the public again, here or on Facebook. Lovely, no?