For the Mr. Kites

So I am currently sitting in my Intro to Psychology as a Natural Science class, and I must say Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12-1:15 has officially become my most unfavorite part of the week. It's not so much that the content is uninteresting-on the contrary, it's very intriguing to get a biological background for all those silly psychological theories that I learned about last semester. I think I am biased though...The teacher was my advisor during orientation and also during schedule sign ups, and he was completely and utterly useless. He speaks really slowly and stutters, and speaks as if we're 5 and don't understand anything. During signups, he refused to let me type myself, insisting on using his 2 index fingers to slowly tap at the keys while the other students around me speedily entered their courses and got the schedules that they actually wanted. He also refused to let me sign up for the classes that I wanted, saying that they were definitely full and I shouldn't waste my time. UMM. YEAH.

So yeah, aside from the previous dislike, I guess he's not a bad human being. He's nice, he tries to make the lectures funny and he probably actually does know the material he's teaching. The problem lies in his communication of these ideas, using extremely wordy powerpoint slides that he cycles through way too fast for us to write down anything, other times spending much too much time on one slide that explains something that I had assumed was basic knowledge. Basically, he's kind of just a dinosaur.

Okay, I'm done ranting about psych. something else that has been on my mind lately though...Since coming to Boston College I have met a lot of different types of people. Some I've really enjoyed the company of....others...well let's just say I've never met anybody creepier. Now, there is one specific person who actively forces his way into my life, and while it's not so bad anymore, he used to deliberately make me uncomfortable when we were in the same vicinity, to the point that I felt uncomfortable making conversation with others or looking around as I normally do.

Now keep in mind, I am not specifically mean to him either. When he waves hi, I wave back. When he asks me questions, I answer. However, I will not wave excitedly, nor will I answer at length or in great detail. Basically, while I am not mean to him, I am not particularly nice or friendly either. This has caused a lot of our mutual "friends" (if you can call them mutual...) to give me shit for being "so mean" to him. This coming from guys who actively make fun of him to their face, while they think he doesn't know what's going on. This coming from guys who use him as some sort of social joke to provide entertainment for them when they are bored. Aside from the obvious hypocrisy, it also really bothers me that they feel the need to impart their "wisdom" on me.

I tolerate him. I am not too mean. I do not generally ignore his existence. So I've wondered a lot...why should I go out of my way to be nice to somebody who makes me feel like when he looks at me, he is somewhat undressing me with his eyes? I know this reaction is not unreasonable; every other freshmen girl who has interacted with him (he's a sophomore) feels exactly the same. It's as if he feels like since we're younger, we won't realize what a fucking sleazebag he is, and therefore somehow be ignorant to the clear lack of social skills and be swept off our feet or something. Why should I put up with somebody who makes me so unhappy and uncomfortable? People tell me I should be nicer...but basically, why should I be nice to somebody who doesn't deserve this? Now maybe the "kinder" people out there will feel uncomfortable with this conclusion, and feel it necessary to perhaps reprimand me for being a bitch, but honestly? I don't really care. I think my personal comfort (in a reasonable sense) comes first in priority to making other people feel good. And I refuse to tell him that it's okay for him to stalk me and my friends around campus, at parties, and take pictures of us when we're not looking. UGH, whatever, he's a creep.



This class is finally almost over. We're talking about the low asian tolerance for alcohol, and how apparently it's because asians are more likely to have a variant of a gene that metabolizes alcohol into a toxin, therefore leading asians with this gene to drink much less than caucasians, and even other asians. Does this explain asian glow? haha. I'm very hungry, and my stomach is growling extremely loudly...I hope nobody around me can hear it :X I'm actually in a good mood today, I promise. I've just been thinking about these things over the past few days and finally felt like blogging about it haha.


More on my recent confusion and the weather later.

Happy Chinese New Years all! Although I never paid particular attention to this holiday before (except for the red envelopes of course :D), now that I'm far away from home, it seems much more important. All my Asian friends called home today, some are going home for the giant dinners and what not. I guess being in an environment that's so less Asian than I'm used to, I end up feeling a lot more Asian than ever before, if that makes sense. Also, the cute old chinese man at the dining hall cashier said happy new year's to me when I got dinner....hehehe. And my parents like to skype me now :) and they have also found this blog haha. Hi mom, hi dad.

So...Boston College is kind of a shit show. If I choose not to drink, then I end up witnessing the drunk messes that I usually run by on Friday and Saturday nights. Which is entertaining, I guess. Until the girl next to me on the bus throws up. Until I'm tired. etc.etc. Drinking too much does make me really tired; I don't particularly enjoy hangovers, although I don't think anybody does. Just an interesting note...I guess there's not much else to do in Boston haha. And it's WAY too cold to be running around outside.

On a side note, I watched a Pink Floyd synchronized laser light show last Friday in the city...which was AMAZING. I mean, of course everybody in the planetarium had a little help being happy, but the show was really ridiculous. They played the entire dark side of the moon album, and we shot through space, and honestly, it was great. If anybody reading goes to Boston, you should go check it out at the Museum of Science. They also have this cool mythical creatures exhibit that I kind of want to see...hehe. I'm a nerd at heart.

Also, I never really noticed the impact that dance and choir had on me. Until I started teaching this dance haha...shh. I guess that I am really conscious of my body and its parts, and the way I move? If that makes any sense haha. I can tell when my body feels really awkward and how to fix it (which I thought was normal, but I've received proof otherwise haha). I can imitate a pose or move rather easily, and I listen to music more carefully. I can pick up key changes in songs, mimic them, and I guess my general "musicality" is above average? or I hope so at least. Anyway, I don't really know how to describe the specific effects, but I am very thankful for the way that dance and singing changed me :)

ALSO, a dilemma. SO I've always had an appreciation for nice kicks (thanks a lot, george. haha) and I wanted a pair of high top nike dunks. I picked out the one I like, and looked around for the cheapest, and found an Ebay-esque site that had it for $60, which obviously excited me since its like $100 everywhere else. I clicked purchase to see how much shipping and tax was, and APPARENTLY ITS A BINDING CLICK, so regardless of the fact that I had not given payment info, since I created an account in order to see the complete cost, I was now "legally bound" to pay for the shoes. So regardless of the fact that I was about to buy it from a different site, I'd bought this one on accident instead. Which I thought was okay at the time, but several days later i realize...
1. the user is from china
2. somebody else had asked if the shoes were real, and he had commented on their personal pages saying no.
SO UMMMM. WTF. too late, he's shipped them, and will only give me a partial refund ($30) if i ship them back to china (which is another $20-30), so itd basically be like $60 down the drain, plus another $90 for the legit pair. SO WHAT DO I DO?? I really don't want to rock fake dunks, and i REALLY want a nice pair of sneakers (nobody here wears vans!! :( Guess it's a coastal thing) but I don't want to waste so much money... :(



On a more serious note, coming back to Boston I've had to readjust. I honestly get along with guys a lot better than girls...and thus the groups of friends I had back at home were all guys and I had separate good girl friends from everywhere else. Here, it's the complete opposite. I have a few group of girl friends, and a few good guy friends in between. Now, I'm not saying that I don't like the girl friends I have, but seriously, it is too much estrogen. I miss guy humor. I miss video games. I miss the chill vibe, no drama, no screaming, no crazy antics. SIGH. Still on the search for good friends in general....I forget a lot that the people that I'm leaving in California, that I had at least 4 years to handpick them. Connections like that don't appear in a semester.


I miss the sun, I miss a lot of things but I'm still going to be okay. :)

This past week has been completely unexpected. A lot of things have happened that I never saw coming, and even more that I did. Regardless, I have come to several conclusions about my life and life in general that I am going to try extremely hard to hold onto. First off, everybody needs to grow up, and everybody deserves a chance to do it on their own. No matter how much I would like to stand there and wait for them, growing up is a personal journey that requires its own space, and sometimes that means alone. Secondly, somehow in the course of the past year or so, I forgot myself. I forgot some of the most basic guidelines that I have always tried to follow, and I forgot that in the end, I will always be okay. I do not really like change; I go along with it because I realize that it is inevitable, but god damn it if I don't like it I am going to fight it every step of the way. But I also forgot when to let go. I did stupid things, I did smart things, and even if this seems to be too fast to be possible, I am okay again.

I am not saying I will be okay forever. This is not permanent in the least, and I have a lot of up and down moments both, where the ups seem too good to be true and the downs seem like they will never end. I still wish things had ended differently, wonder if they had to end at all. I still wish, but I no longer hope that things will go back to the way they were, nor that I will be able to control every single factor leading to the conclusion. Time are a-changing! But I'll take what I can get, and I'm trying my best to move on.

Feelings are hard to describe.


On a much bigger scale, I watched the inauguration (along with millions of other people) and I have to say, I'm pretty impressed. I missed the music acts unfortunately, and I thought it was funny when Obama/Roberts messed up on the oath, but the latter half of the speech was quite moving. My favorite quotes I think are "Your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy" and also "We will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist". I'm optimistic but realistic as well. I think everybody deserves hope, but there is still a lot to be done.

And here, as promised, are pictures of the beautiful Boston College Campus:










Signing off, hopefully more mature than I was last week.

Today is day one of the rest of my life.




And I refuse to not make the most of it.

So I'm back in beautiful Boston after a good flight (half the plane seemed to be Boston College kids, 5 of which I knew :D), which has been covered with a glistening blanket of snow in my absence. It's gorgeous here any time of year really, quite enjoyable if I must say. I'm not quite used to that giant snowbank right outside of my window yet; I still keep thinking that when I look out it'll just be fields of dead grass haha. It's not that cold here so far, but it's supposed to plunge down to 0 degrees sometime this week...apparently it hasn't been this cold since 2005, so my Boston friends inform me. This is such a huge jump from the 60s (now 70s, so my California friends inform me) from the bay area or the ridiculous 80s of Long Beach during my connecting flight. I like the snow, for now at least. You can ask me again in a month. I will include a picture once I find my camera charger, or until the new one I bought arrives.

So since Boston College is Jesuit-Catholic, the week of Easter we get Thursday-Monday off. Because of this extra break, my spring break is earlier than every other school's, happening the first week of March. My spring break is in a month!!! Isn't that ridiculous? I land in San Jose on the 28th of February...LOLZ. But yeah, since nobody else (besides the furious) is going to be in Cupertino, I'm flying down to SD & LA for the 2nd half of the week to see friends :) I'm so excited!!!

UMMM...School starts tomorrow. I'm really not doing anything besides online shopping to waste time...Something I shouldn't be doing anyway since I spent probably around $500 in December on presents and clothes, but that's okay!! Chinese New Years is soon >:] hehehe. I guess being back at school is kind of nice, and my roommate cleaned her room for the first time since summer so my room feels more spacious than ever. I will also have to get used to not having a TV again...It feels like my break was either out with friends or in front of the TV with my laptop and some snacks haha. I've never watched that much tv before in my life.

Unfortunately, along with Boston came the news that one of my extremely good friends here, let's call her S, is transferring to Cornell next year :( She got in along with Boston College, but opted for the one further away from home (she lives in New York). However, BC is just too expensive for her parents and many of my other friends. The college she's transferring into in Cornell is associated with some state school, and she will also be getting much more financial aid so she'd be paying a state school tuition for an Ivy League education. This makes me incredibly sad- While I now know a lot of people here, there are not that many whom I hope I will stay close to for the next 4 years. For a lot of people, they still seem stuck in that high school mode; lots of drama, shit talking, and inconsideration. I'm almost scared to make friends; another cool person I know is supposedly transferring to Columbia next year as well. However, Boston College is what it is, and a $50,000 price tag is a bit much, especially since they are quite stingy with financial aid. I will miss S greatly :(

So ummm, a summary of break. Well as previously stated, tv and friends, and lots of sleep. I started going to the Verde in Castro after the one by quiznos closed down :( I realized that it simply is not worth it for me to spend $3 on a drink that I don't even really like that much, and that the drive to Castro is not that long and completely worth a hot steaming cup of verde :D. Went tipsy to a guard competition, lots of beer pong and other things. I think I have ascertained my poison of choice...Maybe that's not a good thing but it's nice to know I guess haha. I'm at my limit anyway, no more experimenting with new sunstances. But anyway, my BC friends tell me I got skinnier and paler, both of which make no sense.

Also, I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but my friend asked me to choreograph a dance for the annual CSA/KSA Culture Show, which I agreed to do. So I'll be doing the chinese fan dance. I sat at my computer for a couple hours today browsing youtube videos of traditional chinese dances looking for inspiration and a good song, both of which I found. I also used GarageBand for the first time today to edit the song!! Which was very fun and satisfying haha. But I digress. I miss dance. A LOT. I miss chinese dance, I miss modern, lyrical, maybe even ballet. I miss my daily dose of endorphins, I miss being flexible, I miss losing myself in movement and music.

I guess, I miss the opportunities to do whatever I love without having to be a superstar. I want to sing and dance, and do volunteer work, all without having to beat out 100 other hopefuls for maybe 2-3 spots. As a result of this yearning and asking around, I resolve to make use of the empty studio on main campus to dance my heart out whenever I want, and also the soundproof piano-equipped booths in the music building to belt at the top of my lungs without feeling self conscious (dorms have very thin walls, I have learned). I refuse to lose the things that make me happy.

There are a lot of other things I wanted to blog over the last couple of weeks...I was just too lazy to write a legit post instead of just a paragraph about one thing, but now that I've forgotten all of them and this has become a monster post, maybe I should start doing that..hahah.