For the Mr. Kites

This year, I really tried to develop a gung-ho attitude about life, and so far it's working. Of course I kind of ran out of steam over the weekend and I am definitely still overcome by the urge to just fuck around and do nothing, the fact is I have enough on my plate this year that my guilt and obligations manage to banish the slothiness after a couple hours at the most. Life is almost exactly the way I envisioned it to be this year, minus a job, but it's nice seeing all my plans in effect. Here are a couple of things I've been thinking about the past week...

The Religious Quest has been redefining everything that I thought I knew about buddhism. When I participated in a Buddhist youth group (Tzu-Chi, for all those asians out there who have probably heard of it), we were taught to have compassion and kindness and to help others, supplemented by monthly volunteer service. Of course, elementary school kids could not be expected to grasp the finer points of Buddhism, but growing up if I had to label myself religiously it would always be as a Buddhist. However, the more time that passes since those childhood lessons, the more I have started to question my own beliefs. More recently, the first doctrine of Mahayana Buddhism (similar to Zen Buddhism) is the wisdom of emptiness. Unlike the first form of Buddhism that we studied (Theravada Buddhism), they do not stress the impermanence of all things. Rather, they look past the impermanence of these things to address the fact that the way we perceive things is simply a projection of our own egos/selves, and that everything is a composite of smaller things that are constantly changing, and thus things are not just impermanent, but rather that they do not "exist" as we think of them at all. Confusing, right? I guess I am just not quite ready yet to accept that nothing that we think we know actually exists, because this also somewhat seems to me to mean that there is no purpose to life...which maybe there isn't but if that's true then I'd like to create one. Okay...sorry that was probably confusing.

On a somewhat related note, my health psycholoogy and Buddhism class have strangely been somewhat similar. Buddhism is all about finding your inner tranquility and looking for Nirvana. On the other hand, my cute little health psychology teacher has been discussing how today's society tell us that we CAN have it all, but if we keep trying to take it all we will eventually run our body's into the ground and run out of our élan vital, that is to say our life force. He also stresses the importance of compassion and letting things go, and he begins each class by asking us "What is the meaning of love?". The discussions that ensue are thought-provoking and always applicable to real life...I love this class. Anyway, I was going to write out my entire thought process but more pressing things are calling (first midterm of the year tomorrow! Stats :() so I'll just say this: New motto of the year = address problem, chill out, let it go, and move on HAPPILY :)

Also, on a scarier note, I've started figure out my life (GASP). After being hit with hardcore insomnia last night, I decided that if tossing and turning in bed for two hours wasn't going to let me fall asleep, then maybe getting up and planning out my life would. I talked with a really helpful professor today, and I think as of now I want to continue in my psychology major while minoring in Asian American Studies, hopefully taking writing and art courses on the side and going abroad to Japan next year. If possible/if I get accepted, I'd like to complete the BA/MA program here too, which would also give me a masters after staying at BC for a fifth year.


I keep wanting to write a really lofty metaphorical and symbolic post, but not sure what constitutes as comprehensible, or okay for a public blog lol. However, more to come on my thoughts on mixing friends with work.

[Note: I started this post a week or two ago but I seriously just have never had time to finish it....I'm trying!!!] School has started and things are geting more than a little crazy already. I ended up getting the exact schedule that I wanted so I shouldn't complain, but basically the only things I have time for are work, dance, CSA, and sleep. A quick rundown of what's going on in my life:

Japanese: My teacher is a tiny cute little Asian woman, albeit with ADD and maybe a little crazy. But we like them a little crazy. Lots of friends in the class, I'm really interested in Japanese and I need to practice more so that my characters don't look like random scribbles. I'm excited for this class! I love learning new languages :)

Stats: Yeah...not much to say about this. As much as I like math, stats is something different completely. Our teacher is really enthusiastic and I have a few friends in this class too, so it's not too bad, but then again, it's stats. If I didn't have to take this for my major I definitely wouldn't haha.

Classical Mythology: I absolutely love mythology. One of the first books we had at home when I was young (other than children's picture books and a slew of historical fiction....I know we're strange) was a big blue book on Greek mythology. I never had a chance to fit Mythology into my schedule in high school, so I'm really excited to take it now. Our teacher is really nice and funny and I love her already :) Also, she brings her dog to office hours which is basically awesome. This class is living up to my expectations, and I'm really excited for the rest of the semester...even for the two 6-page papers coming up. Her sample essay topics sound so interesting!

Religious Quest: This was the last class in my schedule to fall in place. BC, being a Jesuit school, has a theology requirement and the Religious Quest sounds like the most interesting. As a comparative theology class, my section is comparing Buddhism (which I really like) and Christianity (which is unavoidable). My teacher is a lama (as in Dalai lama, not the animal like a lot of other people thought) and he really knows what he's talking about, but he kind of has a soothing sleepy voice haha. I really enjoy the content in this class, and the readings are actually stirring deep thinkings regarding my own beliefs in Buddhism, whether or not I agree, and my own interactions with life. More on this later..

Health Psych: Another fun old little man teaching this class. Although I originally wanted to take Adolescent Psychology, apparently that class requires 15 hours of volunteer service a semester and I unfortunately don't have that kind of time this year. I ended up signing up for health psych at the urging of a friend, and seeing as how it first nicely into my schedule and it's about the psychology of stress (something I can use this year), I thought why not. This is actually a really interesting class...the professor works at the Cambridge and MIT medical centers and he supplements his lectures with little anecdotes from his own experiences. The class doesn't even feel like two hours! Again, probably more on this later on in the semester.

CSA: So e-board is off with a bang, and I love it. Again, it helps that I actually enjoy the company of everybody on my board and despite the fact that I see these 8 other people 24/7, I am still not annoyed at anybody. Even though this is sucking all of my time, seeing the results of all of our efforts is so satisfying!!! I guess in the end triapsing all the way to Newton and Upper to knock on the doors of 140 freshmen was totally worth it...even if they thought we were creepy for knowing where they live (WHICH WE'RE NOT...anybody can find where you live by looking on the BC directory :D). And as chaotic as setting up for the first general meeting was, with only 3 members of our eboard available at a time to fry 400 dumpling and carry a billion things to the room as well as the problem with the room rec, so many people turned up and people actually laughed at our really awkward/creepy video, which was extremely gratifying. There's so much going on even within the next month that I am looking forward to, especially finally adding the last 4 members of our e-board, the 4 freshmen reps that we're picking at the end of the month. I'm excited for all that we can accomplish as student leaders and more :)

Conspiracy Theory: I'm trying my best to dance as much as possible, but after the crazyness that was last week along with my newly-lost ipod (FAIL...:( so sad.), I haven't gotten that many chances. Hopefully that will change this week though!! I tend to be in a worse average mood when I'm not dancing, and plus I want to get ridiculous at waacking. There was a jam last weekend on campus which was really fun to watch and just to be there in the vibe with a bunch of dancers. The popping battles were sick, the bboys did unearthly gravtiy-defying tricks and overrall it was a success, even with the minor dramz that went down behind the scenes.


So the first week of school was amazing but the second week so much. Just a slew of bad luck (or bad karma I guess..harhar) that included lots of lost things, immaterial and not, a car crash (everybody involved is okay, but both cars are no longer driveable), getting lost (kind of) and a severe lack of sleep that just made everything that much worse. However, the weekend was mostly fun, and nobody can watch Cirque du Soleil and stay in a bad mood :). Also, Regina Spektor last night was absolutely amazing...she sounds better live than on her CDs (if that was possible) and she's so funny and sweet and slightly awkward.

It's a new week and I'm trying to stay on top of my stuff and keep my head up... Nothing's perfect (definitely including me) and I'm trying hard to fix things. After all, all the effort we put into our relationships with other people and the world shouldn't be for nothing, and nobody should have to go through life alone and disliking where they have ended up. Wish me luck!

2 full weeks into the school year, I certainly do owe a lengthy back-to-school reflection and what not, but I have absolutely no time on my hands and certain events seem to be sapping my energy from me faster than I can refill it.

I was supposed to keep on this stringy old bracelet until Boston felt like home, and over the past couple of weeks I have seriously contemplated it, but things just kept happening that would change my mind. With the events of the weekend I took it off...not because it had finally happened but rather because I was tired of seeing it on my wrist and knowing that it hadn't. For now I keep it safe in a less conspicuous place in the hopes that if it's supposed to happen it will.

This weekend was so much fun, an escape from the real world. Fantasy worlds are fun but when the show's over dreams are still only dreams...Back to real life I go. about 9 hours agoFantasy worlds are fun but when the show's over dreams are still only dreams...despite how real they actually feel. On the bus back I was just wishing that the ride would somehow become longer, because getting back to Boston meant getting back to everything that had happened before I left. Things will pass but I don't want to wait for it to do so. Back to real life I go.....