Whoops

Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 6:28 AM
Wow, I really dropped the ball on this thing huh? I haven't written in a month and a half, probably a record or something for me haha. I guess nothing really grabs me anymore; no finals or essays to procrastinate. Also, I think of bunches of things to write about but don't feel that I can really do the topic justice, and then while I think about it the moment passes and I don't really feel like writing about it anymore. That and I haven't really been near a computer for the past month or so.

On one hand, I guess this means I'm too busy living my life to actually write about it, which I suppose is a good thing. And I tend to write when I'm in deep contemplation or just not too happy, and it's safe to say that the past month and a half I have been pretty content with my life - another good thing! On the other hand, I guess I do miss writing kind of, maybe. Debating switching to tumblr so I can repost things and upload some songs that I love and what not, but we'll see. I kind of have a soft spot for Blogger...we've been through a lot.



Let's see, my life in the past month or two in a nutshell: Done with half of college, okay grades, a lot of packing/unpacking/repacking, BC graduation (really depressing), my sister graduated from Brown, dog got hit by a car (but is okay! just stitches thankfully), moved to a new house in Los Altos, now in Taiwan until Friday. Plans for summer are a part time internship, lots of chilling, hopefully a part time job too.

Not much to say, life is good.

Suspended Between

Tuesday, April 27, 2010 at 1:10 PM
I need to get some sleep.

I keep dozing off at random moments and suddenly I feel my consciousness ripping away from my surroundings and for a brief second or two or three, I am no longer in a stuffy classroom but at a bus stop, or running through the woods, or listening to my teacher from an alternate reality lecture in nonexistent languages. During these strange few moments, I am suspended in between two worlds-the physical one that binds me to this earth and the fantastical one that flies me away into the whirling imaginations of my mind. I am at once conscious yet dreaming, and during these lucid moments I have the choice of either continuing on my just-begun adventure or yanking myself out of, well I suppose out of myself, and back into awakening.

This is what falling asleep feels like to me. That strange limbo in which I always want to press onwards into my dreams and yet sometimes, even when I am safely and rightly in my pajamas in my own soft bed, my consciousness jerks awake for some unknown reason and then my eyes are wide open, staring but now actually seeing. Other times I am awakened by some loud noise or the realization that yes, I am in class, and the meager beginnings of whatever exciting hallucination that might have been flits away from the edges of my awareness, leaving me with a vague impression of having just teleported back from the bus stop that takes me to my dreams.

I can't wait to board whatever bus is waiting for me tonight.

Ladeeda.

Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 10:44 PM
Starting to get a little more homesick as time goes by. It's not the crippling depressing type of homesick though...at least not yet. More of a I'm happy the sun is coming back but I'm so excited to go home for the summer!!!!


In other news, I got the Special Initiatives Director position with our student government at BC!!! And I got placed into the Ethnic Studies team, which is basically exactly what I wanted. The Special Initiatives Directors work closely with the president and vice president on the issues that their platform was about, and for the president and vice president next year they are really emphasizing race issues on campus and better student support (for study abroad, living off campus, academic advising etc) and I really want to do something about both of those topics. The Ethnic Studies team is basically in charge of further developing Ethnic Studies majors/minors on our campus, and I must say we are SEVERELY lacking in this department. I'm not even TECHNICALLY minoring in Asian American Studies, because there IS no Asian American Studies minor, but just an Asian American concentration within the American Studies minor. SAD RIGHT?

Anyway I'm really looking forward to working as a director and on the team next year. When I get back from Japan life I am going to hit the ground running!! Although I'm kind of sad I won't be a part of the CSA E-board next year, I'll have other awesome things to fill up my time too :)

Back to the Future

Friday, April 9, 2010 at 3:00 PM
I've been filling out a ridiculous number of applications recently, trying to decide my future or something like that. Plans for this summer and next school year are so tentative right now, but I'm excited nonetheless. I'm finally pulling out of this strange funk (seasonal depression?) that I've been in for the past month or so and I'm getting back that old drive to accomplish great things. However, this means that I'm a little short on time... But better short on time than long I suppose! :)


In other news, it's finally getting warmer!! It was 90 here yesterday...HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT? People keep remarking that I am suddenly so tan...just from sitting outside for a couple of hours :) AWESOME.

Frustrated

Thursday, March 25, 2010 at 1:23 PM
Kind of frustrated, I got a C+ on my Religious Quest midterm, which is 40% of my grade. DAMN IT.

Granted, I wrote this in a hurry, and granted the material covered in the midterm was taught during February, aka culture show month, aka during class I would be frantically sending out emails instead of paying attention, but still. Last semester, I got an A+ on the final and the midterm...so this is slightly irritating.

Even more frustrating is the fact that I don't know why, I just don't GET it. I was completely on top of it and so in synch with the authors when we were covering Buddhism, but the moment we switched to Christianity, it's like I just have this mental block that keeps me from being able to really be able to grasp what's going on. Fast forward to the comparative part of our course, and I literally am just lost. Every time I raised my hand I knew I was saying the wrong thing. The professor would give me that awkward look and say "Hmmm...Riiiiight, not exactly...Let's try and flesh it out a bit more" and then call on somebody else. These lofty ideas are just floating around my head, and I can't seem to see them clearly. I can't push myself past the boundaries of my current thought to get to the level that our professor expects.



I just want to do well again this semester, and it's irritating because it's not just that I'm not trying hard enough. Oh well, going to see him during his office hours will help, hopefully.

Driven

Monday, March 22, 2010 at 11:58 AM
Sometimes, I get so ambitious, or I want something so bad, that I can't fall asleep because I want it so much. Usually when this happens I get up and try to be productive, because I'm clearly not sleeping.


I have such big dreams, I'm so scared that I don't have the drive to actually accomplish them all. I'm trying so hard to prove myself wrong....WORK MODE ON!!!

Insert Witty Title Here

Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12:33 PM
I can't put together a coherent post right now, but here are a couple fun facts about my life recently to tide you all over.
  • So my roommate's boyfriend is on spring break, and has thus been living in our room for the past week. I have gotten sexiled so many times, it's not even funny. Entertaining for the first couple of times, but now just slightly irritating. At least the week is almost over!
  • Spring break was warm, fun, and much-needed. Disneyland on a Tuesday is AWESOME...no lines = hitting every ride (except Matterhorn :( it was closed) in both parks in about 8 hours, and Space Mountain TWICE. Yeeeuhhh.
  • ...And now I'm thinking that maybe I want to stay in California over summer, with trips to the East Coast and hopefully Taiwan in between? Currently applying to internships at organizations aimed at providing counseling services for Asian Americans. I got into my Taiwan intensive program, but not sure if I want to do it anymore. Updates to come!
  • Saw Alice in Wonderland last Friday...must say I am slightly disappointed. The graphics and the characters were amazingly done, but the plot was somewhat lacking, and rather flat. Even the climax wasn't that exciting.
  • I'm getting back into work mode and it feels good. I love being productive!! Setting goals for myself at BC, for the summer, and for more personal things as well.
  • Dance is slowly taking over my life again. I'm okay with that.
  • Got a bunch of new music...I really like (well done) dubstep, and Sneaky Soundsystem is pretty great too. Check out their song, "Kansas City". Although I like many different types of music, I can never stray too far from EDM (Electronic Dance Music). Electro has my heart ♥