For the Mr. Kites

A funny story:
So I brought my Mac to class for the first time 2 days ago, and proceeded to play tetris all period. The two guys sitting behind me were watching me play, and apparently in awe of my tetris skills because at one point I was about to die, one guy said, "Oh dude it's over" and then the other one responded with, "No dude, just watch. She's like Jesus" HAHAHA. That made my day :)

The past week has been rather intense, but in a good way. I had a history midterm on Wednesday so my Monday and Tuesday were full of studying...I even skipped Monday night beer pong!!! However, I hope I did well...I didn't not know anything but my essay was a little scattered, so we'll see when I get it back on Friday.

I realize that while I have mini-problems with a few of my classes, the only one I truly despise going to is Courage to Know. Now, I accept that this is not true of every student taking this class...but it is mainly because of my teacher. This class is supposed to be a seminar where we discuss social issues in America and otherwise, a sort of use-your-own-experiences-to-have-intellectual-discussions type thing, but my teacher is extremely overbearing and slightly offensive in her attempt to be controversial and prod us into reacting. Also, despite what she says, I do not feel comfortable expressing my opinions in class because she cuts me off and proceeds to tell me that what I think is incorrect and that I am just too close-minded/negative/cynical/naive. Those who know me know that I love to talk, I love having good thought-provoking conversations whether one-on-one or in a classroom setting. So, in order to make me afraid to talk and refuse an opportunity to discuss an important issue is truly an impressive feat.

But anyway, today she sent out an email saying that our class was slacking too much, saying that "And though it pains me to have to re-address problems that I had believed were behind us...it is once again time for me to send this message out in writing, as a warning, wake-up call, last chance, for those of you who for whatever reason, have not yet understood the significance and the process of being a freshman at a prestigious liberal arts Jesuit university". What the fuck? That's what I thought when I read this message. In no way did it inspire me to work harder, to care more about the class, or to basically like her at all. Her entire email was extremely condescending, referring to those who have "shown yourselves to be exceptional students and human beings"implying, or so it seems, that if you are a bad person in her class then you are a terrible human being.

Simply put, I just don't like her teaching style very much. Perhaps the reason that I don't care for this class is because I simply do not respect her, definitely not as a teacher and maybe not even outside of her occupation. That combined with the fact that it is an hour and fifteen minute long class at 9 AM just means that I do not feel inclined to go at all.

On another subject, I just checked my weather and saw this:

WHAT THE FUCK? YES, THAT SAYS SNOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I guess it's kind of exciting, but I'm expecting my toes and fingers to freeze already. Time to bust out the gloves!

Also, I attended a KSA retreat this weekend (Korean Students Association). No, I am not Korean but I didn't see any reason for that to prevent me from going, especially since a lot of my friends wanted to go as well. We went to this BEAUTIFUL camp called Camp Cody that was situated next to this enormous lake, and the place was really just gorgeous. I really miss wildlife...the lake reminded me of Stevens Creek Reservoir and just kind of made me miss home. But anyway, I digress.

The entire weekend was really emotionally draining as we slipped from one extreme to the next. The E-board (officers) all had really deep stories to share with us, but the nights were really ridiculous and fun. I learned a bunch of ridiculous games (everybody played games anywhere we went, basically any chance they had when they sat down in a circle) and we started the best frog game ever. The more serious side of the retreat manifested itself in discussions of issues and difficulties with being an Asian American and what this means not only at Boston College but also in our extended worlds. Coming from the bay area and a school that was 85% Asian, I had my eyes opened to a lot of things that I had never given much thought to. Also, coming to the East Coast, I think that I am more bothered by racist comments than the rest of my Asian friends here simply because I am not used to it. But that's life right? And the question now is how do I and we react to this? The mini-break from Boston College was much needed though...At the end of the three days I wasn't too ready to head back to the hectic college life yet.

On a side note, everybody at retreat was amazingly talented. So many people could dance, sing, beatbox, and play guitar...and even rap! Amazing!!!

Alas, it is 9:03 PM and I have some reading to do before Monday night beer pong beckons, so I need to get on that. Some last thoughts...The Of Montreal concert is this Thursday!!!! I am so excited to see them live, but I think I would give that up to watch Hard Haunted Mansion in socal this weekend...:( OH Justice and Crystal Castles, how you tug on my heart strings. Also, Halloween is this Friday!!! I am ridiculously excited and hope that my costume gets here on time. My birthday is NEXT Friday, and I'll finally be 18!! After that, just 2 more weeks until I finally get to go home!!!! Oh how I miss the California sunshine <3

It is currently 4:32 AM. Why am I awake? I did not drink tonight, I did not go crazy or go out or get dressed all cute or mingle with many people. The most exciting thing I did tonight was attend the football game against Virginia Tech which took place in 30 degree weather, and truly it was freezing. It was very fun to watch though, and we won, so hooray.

It is currently 4:32 AM. I have some songs playing that take me back to the long stretch of Highway 5 with a van full of sleeping friends heading back home after a fun weekend excursion. I just watched a video that takes me back to a dark room in a friend's house, watching a light show in wonder. The voices ooh-ing and ahh-ing and cheering in the video could almost be mine, and I know exactly what it's like to be seeing what they are.

It is currently 4:36 AM. I miss my old life. I miss being able to fuck around all the time and do whatever we wanted to without too much worry for consequences. I miss the group hangouts, the one-on-one talks, the little things about each person that make them unique. I miss driving my car through familiar streets to get some nice pearl milk tea on a cold night. I miss defining cold as some 50 degrees, instead of freezing point. I miss the close proximity of everybody I really cared about, and the fact that we were even in the same time zone at all. I miss my good friends and how I could talk to them about anything without them assuming some undertone that really doesn't exist, or without them judging me for my faults. I miss knowing what I was doing and where I was, figuratively and literally.

It is currently 4:39 AM. I don't know why I'm thinking about this right now...Life at Boston College has gotten drastically better, and I am no longer seriously considering transferring, which I suppose is a good sign. Maybe it's because I'm a lot further from the city than I thought (a 30 minute train ride which closes at midnight) and because I'm even a lot further from the main campus than I thought (on a separate freshmen dorm on the law school campus), but it's harder for me to call this place home. After a pretty terrible first month, things are looking up, but I haven't felt this...strange, in quite awhile. I thought that I had gotten over it, but I guess not. Hopefully it'll fade?

It is currently 4:43 AM. I miss my old life. I guess you could call it high school, as in not the education reference itself but rather that time period. I miss people, special one(s) in particular. Life is not being cruel, this was my choice. Change is inevitable, but even though I try to accept that fact and embrace it instead of hiding, sometimes it's hard. I want my old life back. At this very moment, I would give up the whole dorm college life, partying every weekend, meeting new people, to be singing, dancing, working hard and seeing results, and being with my friends again.

It is currently 4:45 AM. I am going to bed. Good Night.

So Columbus Day weekend has passed. The past week and weekend has been very good, and even though I didn't manage to make it to all my classes as I'd hope I would (blame the lack of sleep...) I did rather well on one of my midterms and my history paper, and waiting on the others to get handed back. Oh Monta Vista, how you prepared me. To be honest, after taking APs at MV, the classes here are really not that difficult...I mean yeah. I'm doing as much work as I did senior year, maybe even less haha. Oh well! I'm not complaining. This weekend was also really good, just what I needed I think. I'm glad to know that things work themselves out eventually, even though the rest of campus was a fucking ghost town since everybody here is either from New York, Jersey, or just the general Massachusetts area...and everybody went home for the weekend. Nothing was going on at night whatsoever, but at least I had company :)

In other news, I realized recently that I am missing underwear. Not only does this slightly creep me out, but it also pisses me off, kind of. I liked my underwear!! And now I had to go out and buy more that I like much less than my previous pairs, and yeah it's just kind of a hassle. I mean either somebody stole it out of my laundry, or I forgot to get it out of a machine or something...I don't know. How annoying.

Also, something that I've been thinking about ever since we got here...How do we define personal space? On the buses here everybody sits at least with one seat in between each other when the situation permits, and when somebody breaks this rule the poor victim sits uncomfortably for the rest of the ride looking down or towards the front of the bus awkwardly trying to keep their thighs from touching the strangers' or trying to avoid any eye contact whatsoever. This applies to walking too. I have found myself, on numerous occasions, speeding up or slowing down to maintain my personal space, letting people pass or passing others so that I do not find myself walking side by side with somebody who I have never seen before. Also, I am generally not a noisy walker. However, I find that when I am walking alone behind someone, I will shuffle my feet or cough or something to let the person in front of me know that I am there so that they don't turn around randomly at some point and get the shit scared out of them by me, which I think would personally also be an equally traumatizing experience.

On the flip side, sitting by yourself like an island in a class full of 200 people is kind of lonely.



Countdowns to some (fun) things:
2 days to the ice cream social
11 days until the sexual chocolate/synergy show (stepping/hiphop crew :D)
12 days until spring registration for classes starts
16 days until the of montreal concert
17 days until halloween (what should i be!?)
21 days until election day
24 days until MY BIRTHDAY
43 days until thanksgiving break

Some things just never really leave you, you know. You think you're over it and then weeks, months, years later you remember and the bad memory just kind of socks you in the stomach all over again, and despite thinking that you didn't care anymore suddenly you're just as angry/sad as the first time it happened. What do I do now? Just sit and wait for it to pass, I suppose, and hope that nothing gets in my way.

On a brighter note, I saw Death Cab for Cutie on Friday!!!! And it was amazing. St. Vincent opened up for them, they sounded a lot like Rilo Kiley, maybe a little bit of Feist? The main singer had a much creepier shrieking voice though. I love love love love Ben Gibbard. He is amazing. except the set was MUCH too short...only an hour and a half so we were out by 10:30 (it started at 7:30). The first half he would play one song off of the new album (which isn't that good) and then one old song, so it was okay. But the second half....SO GOOD. Apparently they're re-releasing Transatlanticism because it's like the 10 year reunion of the album or something, so the second half was all from that first wonderful EP. I'm glad I went! And I got this awesome t-shirt :).

This weekend has been pretty fun, I guess. Many close calls with RAs and cops, but nothing quite as panic-inducing as the first time. I need to improve at beer pong! Harhar, an acquired skill I guess. It's kind of disappointing though when you realize that somebody you really liked isn't quite as cool as you thought, or people display kind of unattractive traits when inebriated...or just in general. Oh well though....:/ We keep looking, I guess. Also, if I had to guess, I'd say that it's not that healthy to sleep at 5 on the weekends and wake up at 2 and then sleep at 1 on weekdays and wake up at 8, but that's just my guess. I love to sleep, what can I say!

3 tests and a paper due this week. I am not very excited. I should be heading into a fun Columbus Day weekend though, as long as I can get my wind back from being punched in the stomach...again. We'll see, but yeah. A day off from school is never a bad thing :).

This week flew by so fast! Last week seriously took freaking forever...so annoying. But yeah! Tonight is the first general meeting for KSA, tomorrow is the Death Cab concert, and the weekend should be exciting as well! Yay :) Then, next week is crazy :( 3 tests and a paper due, so I guess I'll just have my share of fun this weekend so I can buckle down and be all hardcore about school next week haha.

I saw the Blue Man Group on Saturday with my family, and I must say it was rather amazing. The musical talent is through the roof, and the show is thoroughly entertaining, albeit a little slow when they disappear into the audience and what not. I won't describe anything in case anybody wants to see it in the future, since this is something that definitely shouldn't be ruined. But...GO SEE IT!

Um, yeah. I don't really have anything interesting to say, harhar. Except that I ordered rainboots and a northface jacket online, and my mom is sending me ramen from home so I'm super excited for all my packages coming in the near future!!! I've been wearing flipflops while it's been pouring and I keep slipping on the sidewalk in really public places, which is super embarassing. I love getting mail anyway so...WRITE TO ME!!! That also reminds me, I was cleaning out my inbox earlier and I saw an email saying Victoria's Secret Shipment Confirmation, and I forgot that the word secret is a part of the store name so I thought somebody was secretly sending something to me, so I got super excited and then really disappointed when I realized...Darn :(


It's October already, and I'm already picking my classes for Spring semester...Time is just flying by, really.