The Religious Quest has been redefining everything that I thought I knew about buddhism. When I participated in a Buddhist youth group (Tzu-Chi, for all those asians out there who have probably heard of it), we were taught to have compassion and kindness and to help others, supplemented by monthly volunteer service. Of course, elementary school kids could not be expected to grasp the finer points of Buddhism, but growing up if I had to label myself religiously it would always be as a Buddhist. However, the more time that passes since those childhood lessons, the more I have started to question my own beliefs. More recently, the first doctrine of Mahayana Buddhism (similar to Zen Buddhism) is the wisdom of emptiness. Unlike the first form of Buddhism that we studied (Theravada Buddhism), they do not stress the impermanence of all things. Rather, they look past the impermanence of these things to address the fact that the way we perceive things is simply a projection of our own egos/selves, and that everything is a composite of smaller things that are constantly changing, and thus things are not just impermanent, but rather that they do not "exist" as we think of them at all. Confusing, right? I guess I am just not quite ready yet to accept that nothing that we think we know actually exists, because this also somewhat seems to me to mean that there is no purpose to life...which maybe there isn't but if that's true then I'd like to create one. Okay...sorry that was probably confusing.
On a somewhat related note, my health psycholoogy and Buddhism class have strangely been somewhat similar. Buddhism is all about finding your inner tranquility and looking for Nirvana. On the other hand, my cute little health psychology teacher has been discussing how today's society tell us that we CAN have it all, but if we keep trying to take it all we will eventually run our body's into the ground and run out of our élan vital, that is to say our life force. He also stresses the importance of compassion and letting things go, and he begins each class by asking us "What is the meaning of love?". The discussions that ensue are thought-provoking and always applicable to real life...I love this class. Anyway, I was going to write out my entire thought process but more pressing things are calling (first midterm of the year tomorrow! Stats :() so I'll just say this: New motto of the year = address problem, chill out, let it go, and move on HAPPILY :)
Also, on a scarier note, I've started figure out my life (GASP). After being hit with hardcore insomnia last night, I decided that if tossing and turning in bed for two hours wasn't going to let me fall asleep, then maybe getting up and planning out my life would. I talked with a really helpful professor today, and I think as of now I want to continue in my psychology major while minoring in Asian American Studies, hopefully taking writing and art courses on the side and going abroad to Japan next year. If possible/if I get accepted, I'd like to complete the BA/MA program here too, which would also give me a masters after staying at BC for a fifth year.
I keep
wanting to write a really lofty metaphorical and symbolic post, but not sure what constitutes as comprehensible, or okay for a public blog lol. However, more to come on my thoughts on mixing friends with work.
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