For the Mr. Kites

Acapella auditions were yesterday afternoon, and I think they went okay. My nerves don't affect me mentally as much, only physically...which is even more embarrassing I think. After the first one, I was shaking so hard and I couldn't stop, even though I didn't feel anxious at all. I wish I could sing in front of people as well as I could dance....but oh well, practice I suppose. We find out about callbacks within the next day or so, and I really hope I make it. I know that acapella is really intense on the east coast, but it is honestly the only thing that I truly want to devote all of my time to, and I don't know what else I could do to fill up my time that would be nearly as enjoyable. Well, news to come!

Our first home football game was Saturday afternoon, and it was miserable. Everybody (including me) thinks the east coast is SO MUCH colder than the west coast, but this is in fact not true. This is another type of heat, the humid sticky disgusting heat of Taiwan, for those who have been there. True, it is 20 degrees cooler than back home, but there is no air conditioning in my dorm and I feel like I am bathing in sweat all the time. But I digress. Saturday afternoon was particularly brutal. The clouds and the air were swelled with even more water, as storms were predicted for the day, but during the football game the blazing sun prevailed. So basically, I stood on unstable silver bleachers squished by hundreds and thousands of other people sweating for 4 hours to watch out team lose. It was a miserable miserable experience. It poured later in the day and my evening was spectacular, so I guess it has nearly erased that memory from my mind.

I realized that although all of my teachers are very amusing and interesting, there are a few that use that as a cover to hide the fact that I'm not learning anything!! Thank you Monta Vista, you have prepared me well. Classes are not that hard here, at all, actually, and I no longer feel satisfied if I am not learning. Okay, fine. I am a bookworm. I like to learn and be intellectually stimulated, and right now I'm rather ridiculously bored because I'm not, in several of my classes. Not that I don't like the teacher, but rather that they are good people, not teachers. I'll have to consider my classes more carefully for next semester, I suppose.

On an interesting topic, not quite triggered by anything...Whenever we get really deeply hurt, we suddenly manage to delude ourselves thinking that what we had done had been good and wholesome and simply misinterpreted. In the onslaught of betrayal or whatever we got, we forget any ulterior motive that was possibly "not right" and sink into self-righteousness, because nobody deserves to hurt like that. We manage to convince ourselves that we did it for them, or we meant no harm, when in reality we just didn't think it through, or knew something was slightly off but ignored it because it was easier. We do anything and everything we can possibly trick ourselves into believing, because with something that cuts this deep, we wouldn't be able to stand it if any part of it was our fault.


More thoughts on life and college to come. I hope I make it!