For the Mr. Kites

So as of today, I have 1 week and 3 days left here. People are already starting to leave, which is CRAZY, and my sister left last week to go backpacking for Europe for 3 weeks. Since she isn't getting back until the weekend before both of our schools start, that means I won't be seeing her again until after we're both at college...STRANGE. I really admire what she's doing though. Despite some initial problems, she is finally backpacking through Europe, something that she has wanted to do for who knows how long. And her backpack is relatively light too...she showed me yesterday and I can't believe that there are literally 3 weeks of stuff in there. So yeah, I hope she has fun with her new very straight teeth and partying it up in Amsterdam and pretty much every other European country.

I wish I knew what I was doing....hahah darn. It's time to start packing and buying things, and I feel like there's so much left to do before I leave. But then again, I think about whether or not I would rather have an entire extra MONTH of summer, and I wouldn't particularly enjoy that either...or would I? Hm...CURIOUS. Oh how those little decisions and words back in October made such a big difference. Although if I had to pick between leaving first and leaving last, in the end I would still want first. ALSO, I finished AlcoholEdu today, which was mostly ridiculous but I guess kind of interesting....not really.

On another topic...anger is so fickle. It's strange how little it takes to set me (or anybody for that matter) off, and despite the fact that even in the moment I know that I am overreacting or being unreasonable, I can't stop my face from burning or my throat from choking. Even much later on, when I have long since gotten over it, when I remember the situation I can still so clearly remember how furious I had been...or even in some cases relive it. I'm not sure which is better, to be honest. Would I rather have unwarranted crazes that when I look back on, I shake my head at myself, ashamed at how violently angry I had been? Or would i rather take what i have now, a constant understanding of how I had felt at any given moment...which while means that I have never gone absolutely batshit insane, I constantly carry those emotions and memories with me, ready at any time to rise up and take over my current mood. It's hard! While this empathy with myself obviously helps me to better understand myself, it's also hard to deal with things that I know no longer matter yet I can't get rid of.

On another note, with everybody leaving so soon, I feel like all the silly high school drama which gripped people's lives is so far behind me, or us. While there were obviously people that I avoided or disliked, in all honesty that itself was just something to do. My annoyance fades quickly with time, and just because I do not want to spend excess time with them does not mean that I need(ed) to be cruel. Oftentimes, it was and is gossip that creates rivalry. It's hard when people ridicule others and look at you as if you agree, and even when you don't they will tell others that you hate the topic of discussion. How hard is it to get along with people? It's so unfortunate that humans feed off negativity and therefore create it so they can satisfy their own inadequate lives, but that's something we are all prone too. Whatever though, I suppose. It doesn't matter anymore! And it's time to better ourselves and pick better friends from a bigger range of people, ha-ha.



Oh gosh, in a week and a half I will never have curfew again. I've been waiting so long for this...hahahhaa. Oh me.