For the Mr. Kites

Whoops

2010-06-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

Wow, I really dropped the ball on this thing huh? I haven't written in a month and a half, probably a record or something for me haha. I guess nothing really grabs me anymore; no finals or essays to procrastinate. Also, I think of bunches of things to write about but don't feel that I can really do the topic justice, and then while I think about it the moment passes and I don't really feel like writing about it anymore. That and I haven't really been near a computer for the past month or so.

On one hand, I guess this means I'm too busy living my life to actually write about it, which I suppose is a good thing. And I tend to write when I'm in deep contemplation or just not too happy, and it's safe to say that the past month and a half I have been pretty content with my life - another good thing! On the other hand, I guess I do miss writing kind of, maybe. Debating switching to tumblr so I can repost things and upload some songs that I love and what not, but we'll see. I kind of have a soft spot for Blogger...we've been through a lot.

Let's see, my life in the past month or two in a nutshell: Done with half of college, okay grades, a lot of packing/unpacking/repacking, BC graduation (really depressing), my sister graduated from Brown, dog got hit by a car (but is okay! just stitches thankfully), moved to a new house in Los Altos, now in Taiwan until Friday. Plans for summer are a part time internship, lots of chilling, hopefully a part time job too.

Not much to say, life is good.

Suspended Between

2010-04-27T13:10:00.001-07:00

I need to get some sleep.

I keep dozing off at random moments and suddenly I feel my consciousness ripping away from my surroundings and for a brief second or two or three, I am no longer in a stuffy classroom but at a bus stop, or running through the woods, or listening to my teacher from an alternate reality lecture in nonexistent languages. During these strange few moments, I am suspended in between two worlds-the physical one that binds me to this earth and the fantastical one that flies me away into the whirling imaginations of my mind. I am at once conscious yet dreaming, and during these lucid moments I have the choice of either continuing on my just-begun adventure or yanking myself out of, well I suppose out of myself, and back into awakening.

This is what falling asleep feels like to me. That strange limbo in which I always want to press onwards into my dreams and yet sometimes, even when I am safely and rightly in my pajamas in my own soft bed, my consciousness jerks awake for some unknown reason and then my eyes are wide open, staring but now actually seeing. Other times I am awakened by some loud noise or the realization that yes, I am in class, and the meager beginnings of whatever exciting hallucination that might have been flits away from the edges of my awareness, leaving me with a vague impression of having just teleported back from the bus stop that takes me to my dreams.

I can't wait to board whatever bus is waiting for me tonight.

Ladeeda.

2010-04-15T22:44:00.001-07:00

Starting to get a little more homesick as time goes by. It's not the crippling depressing type of homesick though...at least not yet. More of a I'm happy the sun is coming back but I'm so excited to go home for the summer!!!!

In other news, I got the Special Initiatives Director position with our student government at BC!!! And I got placed into the Ethnic Studies team, which is basically exactly what I wanted. The Special Initiatives Directors work closely with the president and vice president on the issues that their platform was about, and for the president and vice president next year they are really emphasizing race issues on campus and better student support (for study abroad, living off campus, academic advising etc) and I really want to do something about both of those topics. The Ethnic Studies team is basically in charge of further developing Ethnic Studies majors/minors on our campus, and I must say we are SEVERELY lacking in this department. I'm not even TECHNICALLY minoring in Asian American Studies, because there IS no Asian American Studies minor, but just an Asian American concentration within the American Studies minor. SAD RIGHT?

Anyway I'm really looking forward to working as a director and on the team next year. When I get back from Japan life I am going to hit the ground running!! Although I'm kind of sad I won't be a part of the CSA E-board next year, I'll have other awesome things to fill up my time too :)

Back to the Future

2010-04-09T15:00:00.001-07:00

I've been filling out a ridiculous number of applications recently, trying to decide my future or something like that. Plans for this summer and next school year are so tentative right now, but I'm excited nonetheless. I'm finally pulling out of this strange funk (seasonal depression?) that I've been in for the past month or so and I'm getting back that old drive to accomplish great things. However, this means that I'm a little short on time... But better short on time than long I suppose! :)

In other news, it's finally getting warmer!! It was 90 here yesterday...HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT? People keep remarking that I am suddenly so tan...just from sitting outside for a couple of hours :) AWESOME.

Frustrated

2010-03-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

Kind of frustrated, I got a C+ on my Religious Quest midterm, which is 40% of my grade. DAMN IT.

Granted, I wrote this in a hurry, and granted the material covered in the midterm was taught during February, aka culture show month, aka during class I would be frantically sending out emails instead of paying attention, but still. Last semester, I got an A+ on the final and the midterm...so this is slightly irritating.

Even more frustrating is the fact that I don't know why, I just don't GET it. I was completely on top of it and so in synch with the authors when we were covering Buddhism, but the moment we switched to Christianity, it's like I just have this mental block that keeps me from being able to really be able to grasp what's going on. Fast forward to the comparative part of our course, and I literally am just lost. Every time I raised my hand I knew I was saying the wrong thing. The professor would give me that awkward look and say "Hmmm...Riiiiight, not exactly...Let's try and flesh it out a bit more" and then call on somebody else. These lofty ideas are just floating around my head, and I can't seem to see them clearly. I can't push myself past the boundaries of my current thought to get to the level that our professor expects.

I just want to do well again this semester, and it's irritating because it's not just that I'm not trying hard enough. Oh well, going to see him during his office hours will help, hopefully.

Driven

2010-03-22T11:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I get so ambitious, or I want something so bad, that I can't fall asleep because I want it so much. Usually when this happens I get up and try to be productive, because I'm clearly not sleeping.

I have such big dreams, I'm so scared that I don't have the drive to actually accomplish them all. I'm trying so hard to prove myself wrong....WORK MODE ON!!!

Insert Witty Title Here

2010-03-11T12:33:00.000-08:00

I can't put together a coherent post right now, but here are a couple fun facts about my life recently to tide you all over.

So my roommate's boyfriend is on spring break, and has thus been living in our room for the past week. I have gotten sexiled so many times, it's not even funny. Entertaining for the first couple of times, but now just slightly irritating. At least the week is almost over!
Spring break was warm, fun, and much-needed. Disneyland on a Tuesday is AWESOME...no lines = hitting every ride (except Matterhorn :( it was closed) in both parks in about 8 hours, and Space Mountain TWICE. Yeeeuhhh.
...And now I'm thinking that maybe I want to stay in California over summer, with trips to the East Coast and hopefully Taiwan in between? Currently applying to internships at organizations aimed at providing counseling services for Asian Americans. I got into my Taiwan intensive program, but not sure if I want to do it anymore. Updates to come!
Saw Alice in Wonderland last Friday...must say I am slightly disappointed. The graphics and the characters were amazingly done, but the plot was somewhat lacking, and rather flat. Even the climax wasn't that exciting.
I'm getting back into work mode and it feels good. I love being productive!! Setting goals for myself at BC, for the summer, and for more personal things as well.
Dance is slowly taking over my life again. I'm okay with that.
Got a bunch of new music...I really like (well done) dubstep, and Sneaky Soundsystem is pretty great too. Check out their song, "Kansas City". Although I like many different types of music, I can never stray too far from EDM (Electronic Dance Music). Electro has my heart ♥

MOAR DANCE

2010-03-09T09:13:00.000-08:00

A very entertaining and enlightening clip on street dance and dance in general. It's 17 minutes long but worth every minute of it, I promise! A more wordy post coming soon.

DANCE DANCE

2010-02-17T12:01:00.000-08:00

So culture show is finally over. Over 6 months of work, including 1 hellishly stressful month, and suddenly I find myself drowning in time when before I had to fight tooth and nail to grasp a measly handful. 2 weeks before the show was the worst for some reason - It coincided with the worst of my homesickness, with social crises and a frighteningly cold spell, and I wondered for a couple of days whether or not it would be actually worth it.

And now it's over. Runthroughs were okay, and sorry to anybody I scared the bejesus out of when I was yelling...but I would do it again! The show actually ended up running very smoothly (minus the parts where I had to talk, heh. Definitely should've planned that out more) and I keep hearing a lot of good feedback. It's so strange to see something that me and M (the other culture chair) envisioned last July coming to life on stage, but I guess that was the theme of the show right? Museum X, where culture comes to life. I'm so proud of myself and thankful for my e-board, the performers, and everybody involved. The moment after we bowed when the curtains closed was such an amazing feeling.
PS: Read the wonderful article that our newspaper wrote about our show HERE

I've been in a ridiculously good mood since our show on Friday, and I keep getting this stupid goofy grin that I can't wipe off my face, but I'm coming down from my culture show high right about now. The weekend was really fun, and also really surprising, and I'm excited to see how everything works out over the next couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I'm having a problem getting back into school mode. I don't think it's related to culture show, although when I was really busy with that I had a legitimate excuse for blowing off schoolwork, whereas now I am just slacking and being lazy. It's so hard to stay motivated 2 semesters at a time!! Okay, I promise myself that I will do better, but all I can think about is going home in 2 weeks for SPRING BREAK!! I'm dragging 4 friends home with me and we're taking a road trip to socal to play at Disneyland and the beach, and I'm really excited!

Something interesting that I used to wonder about. Why is there such a big divide between choreographed dance (hip hop groups, what you generally think of as "dance") and street dance (bboys, lockers, poppers, waackers, etc)?? I don't think it's only a BC thing, since I know my friends from home have also expressed this type of negative sentiment. Also with the recent trend with America's Best Dance Crew, I've heard some of my bboy friends express discontent at classic bboy crews "selling out" by being on the show, and even stealing moves from other well known bboys in the dance world. More personally though, here at BC I waack. I am part of the group Conspiracy Theory, which is composed of mostly street dance styles. However, there is another choreographed hip hop group on campus called Synergy, which has a tendency to run dance shows on campus, and be invited to perform at almost every type of show possible. BC loves them their Synergy. There is a lot of animosity between the 2 groups, a lot of saying that the other group isn't real "dance" and competitiveness is high. It even goes so far as to attacking particular people in each group, which I think is taking it a little far. Of course, all of this could stem from the fact that Conspiracy Theory was started by a couple of ex-Synergy members who disliked the group.

I don't quite know what to make of this - For all intents and purposes, when someone looks at my dance background I am a choreographed style dancer. I enjoy practicing routines for shows for weeks at a time, I enjoy learning other people's choreography. And yet, I still have the utmost respect for street dancers, not necessarily because I now am a part of a street dance style group, but simply because all dance is dance in it's own way...To each his own right? And while I really enjoy Conspiracy and spending time with the people in the group, I can't help but wish that I had tried out for Synergy my freshmen year. I miss choreographed dance and mandatory practices and all day rehearsals.

I'm not too sure what's going to happen next year. I plan to dance my ass off in Tokyo, and I want to continue that when I get back on campus. I'm not sure if Conspiracy alone could fulfill this need, but I know I'd probably get shunned or murdered (even if not seriously) if I ever tried out for Synergy. Not too sure how it's all going to go down....

WHATEVS. All I want to do is dance!

Minor Update

2010-02-05T16:46:00.000-08:00

I can feel myself slipping back into Boston mode, but I keep having really upsetting dreams or dreams about home, and I keep waking up unhappy. Oh well, life is okay most of the time. There's a lot on my mind 24/7, I feel like a slave to deadlines and obligations, it's worse. If I forget anything, I'm not disappointing a master, I'm disappointing myself. Culture show mania feels like it's coming to a head, but I know it's just going to get so much worse in the next week. 7 more days...

I hope that it's worth it.

Personal journey is slowly making its way up and down through time. When I'm alone still feels like something's missing...I don't even need to find it I just want to know what it is. Need more creative outlets...

In other news, been rewatching a lot of movies lately. Now I remember why I love 500 Days of Summer so much. Also, any other suggestions?

Loneliness vs. Solitude

2010-01-28T06:18:00.000-08:00

I'm not too sure how I feel being back at school. I came back semi-optimistically, not with the full joy and determination of a brand new school year, but with some enthusiasm at least. I wanted to keep my grades up and not disappoint anybody, but since I've been back it's safe to say that this beginning-of-the-semester rush has all but faded away.

The way I describe it is that I am quite overwhelmed, and in the same vein, incredibly homesick. I'm so busy at school, I rarely have more than a one hour period to myself and the never-ending flow of meetings, schoolwork, class, and obligations is crushing. Now this wouldn't be too bad either, I suppose, if I wasn't feeling utterly disconnected from my social life at school too. It's hard switching back into East Coast mode and I just don't really feel up to sharpening my wits and flexing my vocal chords so that I can keep up mentally and volume-wise with the rest of my friends. Spoiled in California, I guess.

At least the classes I am taking are getting interesting. In my theology class this past week we've been discussing the concepts of loneliness versus solitude. According to our book, when you are lonely you are viewing others through a lens of your own needs, and you objectify them as solutions to your own problems. However, because only you have the solution, when the people around us inevitably disappoint us we become even more unhappy, thereby demanding even more and etc. Solitude, on the other hand, is a state in which you are in touch with the very ground of your being, when you finally stop demanding answers and listen to your questions. Because, as the book puts it, the questions are a product of your true being and "what is going on in your innermost being is worthy of your whole love".

Interesting.

I guess all that it really comes down to is learning to love yourself. For after all, it is this solitude of the heart that enables you to love and connect to others fully, without any of your own reactions or needs blurring the view. When we think about it, our crying needs in loneliness are really pointing us towards the peace of solitude, if only we take the time to stop and listen.

On a similar note, I attended an event yesterday night thrown by SASA (South Asian Students' Organization) called Happiness and the Spirit of Inclusion: Wisdom From the Orient. They had a speaker, Shri Ramanujamji, who basically said the same thing as my book but not framed in a religious context. We see the world not as things are, but as we are. Happiness is a choice, he said, because of our human ability to respond, versus react. Happiness is the state of a quiet mind, neither restless nor mindless. As he pointed out, if you think back to a moment when you were truly happy, you weren't really thinking about anything at all. He was a good speaker, it was a good event, and I left feeling a lot more peaceful and satisfied with an otherwise distressing week. Props, SASA.

So my conclusion from all this is that I need to take some time to find my solitude. I don't want to drink because I'm lonely, or bored, and certainly not as a solution. I'm tired of waking up the next day too hungover to move and stuck with the dumb or out-of-character things I did the night before. I don't remember how to make myself happy anymore and it's really taking a toll on my mental state. So despite the fact that I may have to put my summer plans on hold , and despite the fact that this is going to mean a lot more alone time in my room, this is something I really need to do. I've always said that if you have a problem with something then there's no use in whining about it, just do something about it! And it's high time I took my own advice. So you'll have to excuse me friends, when I decline to grab lunch or dinner with you, or if I simply disappear from social settings. Hopefully when I reemerge I will know what I want to do and I will have a better idea of who I am. I want to love myself and be happy most of the time (if not all), not just some of the time, and this is something I am demanding from myself and that I definitely will not get from others.

Updates to come....A long journey is ahead.

Isn't this the most relaxing picture ever?

Home is Where the Heart Is

2010-01-16T18:56:00.001-08:00

Sitting at my dining room table again, my suitcase packed and the house emptied of my belongings. I'm not entirely sure of how I feel about leaving, as I never quite want to leave where I am. While this might be a good thing, it makes goodbyes a lot harder.

This break was completely unexpected. Not to say I wasn't expecting a month of sleeping in, a glorious month of almost zero obligations and 60 degree weather, but I was more surprised by the fact that coming home has put things into perspective for me. I'm not quite sure why I didn't expect this, as I surely know that being home has a tendency to remind me of certain things. Suddenly, all the things that I thought I had figured out unfigured themselves again, and I was left with a heap of tangled multicolored strings, unsure of which one to follow and completely lacking even the most basic notion of how to begin to untangle them.

At the beginning of the semester, and even at the end, I had been so driven to accomplish a set of goals that I knew I wanted to complete. I have always been a bit of a control freak, and I often daydream by planning out my future, near or far. Majoring in Psychology and minoring in Asian American Studies, I was going to Taiwan over summer for an intensive Chinese program and then hopping on right over to Tokyo to study abroad for the fall semester. When I got back I would somehow sing/dance for 2nd semester, and maybe run for CSA e-board again senior year. After I graduated I would work around Boston, maybe in a hospital, for around 2 years and then go back to school for either a masters or Ph.d. For an even bigger picture, I would work on the east coast for a while, travel, and eventually settle down somewhere in the California Bay Area to grow old.

This is crazy right? I have a vague outline of my life from now until I am 30 something, but the end of this semester as well as my return home brought me more than just a bit of dissatisfaction with this master plan. What about singing? What about dancing? What about my love for all things creative? Growing up, I had assumed that while I loved these things, they were also things that I would leave behind in high school, with perhaps a side project blooming in adulthood to satisfy any residual passions. Do well in high school, go to a good college, get a career that works in an office of some type (gray cubicle not included) and makes a decent amount of money. When I entered college, I halfheartedly searched for opportunities to continue, but not really. But I'm not okay with this. I'm not okay with quashing my love of dance and singing, and passions, as I have learned, are not things that fade away with age, things that can be satisfied by some mere "side project". I want to be in a creative environment and be allowed to let my mind run as far or as fast as it pleases in colorful crazy explosions. I want to dance and sing for a living, but I also want to help people.

Part of the reason I haven't posted this month is because I didn't know how to face uncertainty again. I was so unsure of everything right when I thought I had figured it out, and I felt like I was thrown back into some blurry world with no sense of time or light, aimlessly existing with no direction. I felt like I was floating. I complained feebly to whoever would listen that I feel like I am kind of good at a lot of things, but not amazing at any one thing. (My apologies to those who listened to me whine) However, as my month of no school draws to a close, I have also learned that it is actually possible to combine all of your interests to create a career and lifestyle that I am truly happy with. All that people really fear is the unknown I guess, and I don't want to be afraid.

Sorry for the long post, but as you can see, a lot has been on my mind for quite awhile. I feel better now; more ready to face the challenges before me. I'm excited to get started on the rest of my life.

Something that I've asked a lot of friends (and my mom) in the past week: If you could do one thing in your life, career or accomplishment, and you had unlimited resources/skills, what would it be? Then ask, what's really stopping you?

Entertainment in Lieu of Deep Thoughts

2010-01-04T21:24:00.001-08:00

Still confused, still scatterbrained. Went snowboarding Wednesday, can't move. Should write year reflection post among many others, but don't even feel like writing in complete sentences.

Lots of blog topics lately, some already half-composed in my head but just never get them down before I lose interest. Like I said, scatterbrained.

If nothing else, here is a list of things to amuse you, all highly applicable to kids our age. Don't know where it came from or who wrote it...love you stumble!

Random thoughts from people our age…

1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
4. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
6. That’s enough, Nickelback.
7. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
8. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
9. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
10. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
11. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
12. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
15. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
18. Was learning cursive really necessary?
19. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
22. My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.
23. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
24. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”
27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
33. I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”
34. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
35. Bad decisions make good stories
36. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
37. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
38. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
39. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
40. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
41. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
42. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
43. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
44. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
45. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV.. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
48. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
52. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
54. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
55. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
56. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
57. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
58. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
59. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
60. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
61. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
62. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner

2009-12-21T07:29:00.000-08:00

So finals week is finally over and after 2 canceled flights I am finally sitting in front of terminal E1B at Logan airport. Stuff has been kind of crazy lately, especially with the blizzard that descended upon the Northeast this weekend. Boston got 12 inches!!!! And it was relatively mild in our section!! I have to say though, I love waking up the next morning and seeing everything covered in white :)

It's kind of crazy how this semester is over. I know, you UC kids have been home for well over a week and I'm a little late to join you all, but it still hasn't hit me yet!! I wasn't really sure what to expect coming into my sophomore year at BC, and I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it. This semester was extremely up and down, but I don't think I can just attribute it to sophomore slump. I feel like I am in a very transitional stage of my life. I'm slowly starting to figure out what I want to do with myself (very...very slowly...) and what is really important to me. I'm starting to pull away from this concept of home, but at the same time I don't love BC. Of course, I miss home and I generally enjoy my time at BC, but I feel like at the moment I'm caught in the middle, not sure where I really want to be anymore. I don't know.

I'm just kind of confused about almost every part of my life right (minus academics I guess?), so I think it's time to do a little soul searching this month. I'm blindly groping my way through life, but I feel like the more time that passes the clearer things get. I want to choose my own adventure, I want to define my own path. I don't know where I'm going to end up, but I have to say that I'm extremely excited for what's in store.

Things I want to do this break:
-cook more
-run
-dance
-read
-draw
-make money??
-find more interesting things to do in cupertino

Finals Week

2009-12-16T15:18:00.000-08:00

Home is so close I can almost taste the delicious La Vic's in my mouth. What is home? A concept that is slowly disappearing. What am I looking forward to?

Without class days, without a structure to the week all the days start to melt together and it all feels the same. We eat, we procrastinate, we work, and occasionally we sleep. Study days, week days, weekends. Why are weekends called that if they're technically the beginning. Study days, weeks days, weekends, week-beginnings are all the same. "Today is going to be a long day" is a sentence that we utter almost everyday but today becomes tomorrow and we're still studying diligently, eyes blurring over as we try to type our 50th page or read the 100th study guide. Today is tomorrow is last thursday is next Sunday....Sunday seems so far away.

Back to work. God is agapic love, and we follow the faith of Christianity by inspiring the Buddha nature within all of us. Correlation coefficients, running t-tests, running from Poseidon and the Charybdis, running. 私はたくさんべんきゅうしました。Stress is relieved by right brain activity, because when you use your right brain your left one shuts off and that's where stress comes from. Stress, psychology, work. Rambling.

Finals aren't really that bad. Real post to come later.

Acid Tongues

2009-11-24T12:21:00.000-08:00

Last year, during most of my many reflections on my college experience, I used to tell myself and others that I didn't think I'd changed much over college. I frowned as I witnessed my friends changing, particularly when they joined the Greek system, and I sighed and told myself that I was above all of that.

It's so easy to pretend you're better than everybody else.

Truthfully. Honestly? College has changed me, and not in a good way. That's not to say that I am overall a worse person now than I was a year and a half ago, but I definitely have to say that overall, I am less happy, in general and with myself. At home, having lived in the same place for 15 years, I was never at a loss for good friends. I always had one person I could talk to about anything, and if I wanted somebody to eat with there was always someone willing to come with. Friends at home understand the entire process of why I am the way I am, because they were there with me when everything happened. They know what to say or what to do to cheer me up, when I am feeling insecure they know how to reassure me. I forgot that these people are hard to come by...I forgot that it's not normal to just click with everybody you meet, and there are so many different types of people that it takes some serious searching to find those that honestly deserve to and are willing to be by your side. But I digress. This is not something that I can overcome with sheer will...This is an issue to be worked on slowly, over time. But I do miss my friends from home.

The real thing that's bothering me is the coastal difference in humor. At home, humor is based on witty puns, on chill jokes and random bizarre things that everybody finds funny. On the east coast, or maybe it's just Boston College, it's based on making fun of everybody else. When I first got here, I was surprised and sometimes offended by the jokes people made. My mind wasn't used to thinking quickly, to jabbing outwards as fast as possible to deflect any jokes made in my direction onto others. Fast forward to a year and a half later. When I hang out in groups, it's all about the insults. It's about who can be wittier, but at the expense of others. My mental censor is almost nonexistent now, and acidic comments drop from my tongue faster than I can realize I've made them. Even though I can say that I wasn't like this before college, that my friends are sucking me into the neverending circle of ridicule, I can't blame my friends for this...You always have a choice!

Sometimes, after I've made a particularly mean comment, something inside me screams "This isn't me!!!" I never said that I couldn't keep up, but I don't want to anymore. I think this is my number one goal for the year. Yes, it's going to be hard keeping my mouth shut when people fling joking (or is it?) insults my way. Yes, it's going to be hard pulling myself out of the circle of revenge that has somehow developed among my friends. Yes, it's going to be hard pushing against change. But I'm tired of constantly being on edge, waiting for the next time I have to throw myself against others. I miss having a real loving bond with my friends, one that isn't overshadowed by how mean we are to each other on a day to day basis. I like taking care of my friends and making them happy, not putting them down. Ha-ha so funny...seems like my two problems might be connected.

So yeah. I'm sorry to the innocent bystanders that I have probably hurt (mostly my friends from home), but I'm working on it. I don't want to be mean anymore :(

A Big Catchup

2009-11-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

I know, it's been forever. My bad. But really, there was nothing that interesting going on. So, now that a lot of kind of interesting things have happened, hopefully i can mash them all together into a semi-interesting point. WOOHOO!

First off, Halloween and my birthday both turned out splendidly, even though they both started off on kind of the wrong foot. I keep telling myself, when things suck the only thing you can do is to do something silly and to make yourself happy...The only person who can always turn things around is yourself! Although really good friends and hot pot and lots of cake help too :) Darn, I also almost escaped getting caked this year, but my friends did not share my sentiments. Overall, a pretty fun 2 weeks.

me getting owned. thanks "friends"

now the big topic of interest...CSA RETREAT. The week or two before retreat were CRAZY. Meetings every couple days that ranged from 2 hours to all night, there was so much to do. In the end though, I think it was all worth it. I didn't go last year and I planned this one so I have no objective view of retreats, but I think this one was amazing. Yes, I got like 7 hours of sleep for a total of 4 days. Yes, it was very violent and everybody came out sick, injured, and sore in some way (steal the bacon, mini tanks, ultimate ninja, etc). Yes, I got pied (AGAIN) and I lost my voice (2 separate events). But it was AWESOME. I was slightly hysterical and prone to bursting out in tears by the last night (thanks to J for smacking me in the face), but the last day was amazing too :) I also found my new favorite game...ULTIMATE NINJA. Seriously, we played for my 5 hours straight, and now it hurts to walk up stairs. YAY. To everybody who came, I hope you enjoyed it and I'm glad you were there! Sleeping last night never felt so good...I was out from 7 PM to 12 PM today, and I almost missed my first class haha. WHOOPS.

Even though I can feel the evil tendrils of sophomore slump attempting to attach its suckers to me, I'm trying really hard to fight them off. Things have been so crazy and busy and also ridiculously fun this year, only thing you CAN do is fight to keep your head above the water. However, the semester is more than half over and there's nothing left to do but ride out the rest of the semester and study for finals. :) I am really excited for Thanksgiving though..I miss home a lot!! Can't wait to eat legit mexican fooooood and all my favorite places again. NOM NOM NOM.

Speaking of next semester, I think I am going to be taking Stats, Theology, Japanese, the Asian American Experience and Psychology of Gender. I am so ridiculously excited for the Asian American Experience class...People keep saying it was the best class they have ever taken and that it changed their lives. Hopefully I can get in though, the class fills up really fast since it's so popular.

Sometimes, I love the way life always works itself out. :)

2009-10-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, I lied. I didn't have enough to say or enough time to blog once a week. However, I now have free time for the first time in about a month, and it feels awesome. I still have a paper due next week, but that's not until Thursday and I'm going to enjoy my weekend while it lasts. This is my favorite part of the year-the changing of the seasons, halloween, my birthday, thanksgiving, christmas, new years, my sister's birthday, and then my mom's birthday all rush together and pass by in a wave. There's so much to look forward to in such a short period of time!!

The thing about free time is that you are left alone with your thoughts. Especially with the game of assassins (spoon tag?) going on around me and everybody clutching their spoons frantically whenever someone Asian walks towards them, somehow places that offer solitude are just more comforting as of late.

"You and I, truth and lies"

I have a lot to say but no way to say them. Blogging is no longer a release because I have to worry about who's reading it and how they will react.

Lovely Rainy Days

2009-10-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a much needed break from reality; S and Y both visited, and there were lots of memories created, some of which aren't remembered haha. Time is absolutely flying by though...this year even more so than last year. Although as all the upperclassmen tell me, time only keeps going faster after this. It's back to work though, I've got to be on top of my stuff this week if I want to have a worry free weekend in New York later.

The weather is changing again. The leaves barely had a chance to turn red before rain moved in over Chesnut Hill, MA and the temperature drops around 20 to 30 degrees with the sunset. However, I have to say...despite how much I complain I absolutely love the rain. I love waking up to the sound of raindrops on the roof, I love the way the world takes on a hue of gray, I love splashing through puddles with my indestructible rainboots. I like the idea of how the world is being washed clean...I think my favorite thing to do on rainy days is to curl up somewhere comfortable (a bed preferably) next to a window and watch the rain as I read. A hot beverage is appreciated, but not necessary. With the puddles forming and flowing over outside, I feel a lot more peaceful and content and this is never something I could complain about.

What is love? Ever since I started taking Health Psychology, I find myself coming back to the question, thinking about it even when I don't need to. I find myself frustrated over this question, because I am unable to answer it and yet I am so sure that I know what it is. A lack of eloquence, I suppose. Love is a concept surely, love is blind, love is rewarding and love is kind. Love is something you're supposed to feel in your gut and in your soul and when you know, you know. Love is when you want the absolute best for the object of your affections and you want to help them get there with no expectations for reward because when they're happy, you are too. Love is when you would do anything for them, because you trust them and know that they would never take more than you could give. I don't know...how do you describe a feeling?

Post definitely to be continued...for the meantime im going to sing my heart out and attempt to play piano :)

Bound to Linger On

2009-10-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

This blogging once a week thing is a lot harder than it seems haha. Sometimes it's that I have nothing to say, sometimes it's that I don't have the time or the right words to say what I want to say, but I'm trying!

Things are still ridiculously busy, and I don't think I am going to get a break anytime soon. Even the weekends are fraught with performances and meetings, and all free time is devoted to slogging through mounds of work so that I'm not behind the next day or week. I'm not saying that everything I'm doing isn't worth it, but it kind of feels that way. I haven't had a good day to myself for doing nothing in awhile, or even just a few hours of hanging out with a friend with no second agenda (making it out to an event, studying together, etc.) I'm not overloaded, but I feel like I'm right at the tipping point and at any moment I could fall over the other side. I'm trying really hard and succeeding in getting at least 8 hours of sleep a day, attending all the events I can, finishing all my work for the next day early, not procrastinating, and still making time for practice, but I'm scared shitless of the day I can't stay on top of it anymore. The next 3 weeks will include: a trip to New York, my sister visiting, S visiting, multiple CSA and other events, a lot of meetings (with teachers and otherwise), my parents visiting, 2 papers, 3 midterms, 2 tests and 2 quizzes. It looks like Halloween will be the first weekend I can really relax, but not even really...there's a paper due the Thursday after...So maybe my birthday? SORRY, this kind of just turned into a to-do list for the next month, but I need to write it down somewhere haha.

A gorgeous painting I found this morning...I want this hanging in my house when I grow up.
Serigraph-Helen Frankethaler

Okay, my brain is really scattered and I can't think of any cohesive idea which would make for a non-boring paragraph, so here is the sum of my thoughts:

HMMM. Also need to find a Halloween costume....any ideas?? Something not too expensive/hard to put together, preferably :)
as it turns out, earphones are actually more needed in my daily life than an ipod itself...hopefully I'll get both soon
I NEED A JOB :(
It's been kind of hard falling asleep again...I'm not even thinking about anything important, just like dance moves or my outfit the next day....SUCKS.
I'm actually kind of losing weight this year because I don't have time to eat
Kleerup ft. Lykke Li- Until We Bleed is my new favorite song...I noticed I have a tendency to like artists out of Sweden
Being a girl sucks...never know if I'm actually feeling something or if it's just my hormones driving me crazy.

HMMMM. That's about it. Topics for next time: mixing friends with work, being yourself in a new environment. I'm just waiting for time to pass...

"Back to you, it always comes, back to you...Doesn't it scare you, your will is not as strong as it, used to be"

Figuring Things Out

2009-09-29T12:50:00.000-07:00

This year, I really tried to develop a gung-ho attitude about life, and so far it's working. Of course I kind of ran out of steam over the weekend and I am definitely still overcome by the urge to just fuck around and do nothing, the fact is I have enough on my plate this year that my guilt and obligations manage to banish the slothiness after a couple hours at the most. Life is almost exactly the way I envisioned it to be this year, minus a job, but it's nice seeing all my plans in effect. Here are a couple of things I've been thinking about the past week...

The Religious Quest has been redefining everything that I thought I knew about buddhism. When I participated in a Buddhist youth group (Tzu-Chi, for all those asians out there who have probably heard of it), we were taught to have compassion and kindness and to help others, supplemented by monthly volunteer service. Of course, elementary school kids could not be expected to grasp the finer points of Buddhism, but growing up if I had to label myself religiously it would always be as a Buddhist. However, the more time that passes since those childhood lessons, the more I have started to question my own beliefs. More recently, the first doctrine of Mahayana Buddhism (similar to Zen Buddhism) is the wisdom of emptiness. Unlike the first form of Buddhism that we studied (Theravada Buddhism), they do not stress the impermanence of all things. Rather, they look past the impermanence of these things to address the fact that the way we perceive things is simply a projection of our own egos/selves, and that everything is a composite of smaller things that are constantly changing, and thus things are not just impermanent, but rather that they do not "exist" as we think of them at all. Confusing, right? I guess I am just not quite ready yet to accept that nothing that we think we know actually exists, because this also somewhat seems to me to mean that there is no purpose to life...which maybe there isn't but if that's true then I'd like to create one. Okay...sorry that was probably confusing.

On a somewhat related note, my health psycholoogy and Buddhism class have strangely been somewhat similar. Buddhism is all about finding your inner tranquility and looking for Nirvana. On the other hand, my cute little health psychology teacher has been discussing how today's society tell us that we CAN have it all, but if we keep trying to take it all we will eventually run our body's into the ground and run out of our élan vital, that is to say our life force. He also stresses the importance of compassion and letting things go, and he begins each class by asking us "What is the meaning of love?". The discussions that ensue are thought-provoking and always applicable to real life...I love this class. Anyway, I was going to write out my entire thought process but more pressing things are calling (first midterm of the year tomorrow! Stats :() so I'll just say this: New motto of the year = address problem, chill out, let it go, and move on HAPPILY :)

Also, on a scarier note, I've started figure out my life (GASP). After being hit with hardcore insomnia last night, I decided that if tossing and turning in bed for two hours wasn't going to let me fall asleep, then maybe getting up and planning out my life would. I talked with a really helpful professor today, and I think as of now I want to continue in my psychology major while minoring in Asian American Studies, hopefully taking writing and art courses on the side and going abroad to Japan next year. If possible/if I get accepted, I'd like to complete the BA/MA program here too, which would also give me a masters after staying at BC for a fifth year.

I keep wanting to write a really lofty metaphorical and symbolic post, but not sure what constitutes as comprehensible, or okay for a public blog lol. However, more to come on my thoughts on mixing friends with work.

Back on the Grind

2009-09-22T11:24:00.001-07:00

[Note: I started this post a week or two ago but I seriously just have never had time to finish it....I'm trying!!!] School has started and things are geting more than a little crazy already. I ended up getting the exact schedule that I wanted so I shouldn't complain, but basically the only things I have time for are work, dance, CSA, and sleep. A quick rundown of what's going on in my life:

Japanese: My teacher is a tiny cute little Asian woman, albeit with ADD and maybe a little crazy. But we like them a little crazy. Lots of friends in the class, I'm really interested in Japanese and I need to practice more so that my characters don't look like random scribbles. I'm excited for this class! I love learning new languages :)

Stats: Yeah...not much to say about this. As much as I like math, stats is something different completely. Our teacher is really enthusiastic and I have a few friends in this class too, so it's not too bad, but then again, it's stats. If I didn't have to take this for my major I definitely wouldn't haha.

Classical Mythology: I absolutely love mythology. One of the first books we had at home when I was young (other than children's picture books and a slew of historical fiction....I know we're strange) was a big blue book on Greek mythology. I never had a chance to fit Mythology into my schedule in high school, so I'm really excited to take it now. Our teacher is really nice and funny and I love her already :) Also, she brings her dog to office hours which is basically awesome. This class is living up to my expectations, and I'm really excited for the rest of the semester...even for the two 6-page papers coming up. Her sample essay topics sound so interesting!

Religious Quest: This was the last class in my schedule to fall in place. BC, being a Jesuit school, has a theology requirement and the Religious Quest sounds like the most interesting. As a comparative theology class, my section is comparing Buddhism (which I really like) and Christianity (which is unavoidable). My teacher is a lama (as in Dalai lama, not the animal like a lot of other people thought) and he really knows what he's talking about, but he kind of has a soothing sleepy voice haha. I really enjoy the content in this class, and the readings are actually stirring deep thinkings regarding my own beliefs in Buddhism, whether or not I agree, and my own interactions with life. More on this later..

Health Psych: Another fun old little man teaching this class. Although I originally wanted to take Adolescent Psychology, apparently that class requires 15 hours of volunteer service a semester and I unfortunately don't have that kind of time this year. I ended up signing up for health psych at the urging of a friend, and seeing as how it first nicely into my schedule and it's about the psychology of stress (something I can use this year), I thought why not. This is actually a really interesting class...the professor works at the Cambridge and MIT medical centers and he supplements his lectures with little anecdotes from his own experiences. The class doesn't even feel like two hours! Again, probably more on this later on in the semester.

CSA: So e-board is off with a bang, and I love it. Again, it helps that I actually enjoy the company of everybody on my board and despite the fact that I see these 8 other people 24/7, I am still not annoyed at anybody. Even though this is sucking all of my time, seeing the results of all of our efforts is so satisfying!!! I guess in the end triapsing all the way to Newton and Upper to knock on the doors of 140 freshmen was totally worth it...even if they thought we were creepy for knowing where they live (WHICH WE'RE NOT...anybody can find where you live by looking on the BC directory :D). And as chaotic as setting up for the first general meeting was, with only 3 members of our eboard available at a time to fry 400 dumpling and carry a billion things to the room as well as the problem with the room rec, so many people turned up and people actually laughed at our really awkward/creepy video, which was extremely gratifying. There's so much going on even within the next month that I am looking forward to, especially finally adding the last 4 members of our e-board, the 4 freshmen reps that we're picking at the end of the month. I'm excited for all that we can accomplish as student leaders and more :)

Conspiracy Theory: I'm trying my best to dance as much as possible, but after the crazyness that was last week along with my newly-lost ipod (FAIL...:( so sad.), I haven't gotten that many chances. Hopefully that will change this week though!! I tend to be in a worse average mood when I'm not dancing, and plus I want to get ridiculous at waacking. There was a jam last weekend on campus which was really fun to watch and just to be there in the vibe with a bunch of dancers. The popping battles were sick, the bboys did unearthly gravtiy-defying tricks and overrall it was a success, even with the minor dramz that went down behind the scenes.

So the first week of school was amazing but the second week so much. Just a slew of bad luck (or bad karma I guess..harhar) that included lots of lost things, immaterial and not, a car crash (everybody involved is okay, but both cars are no longer driveable), getting lost (kind of) and a severe lack of sleep that just made everything that much worse. However, the weekend was mostly fun, and nobody can watch Cirque du Soleil and stay in a bad mood :). Also, Regina Spektor last night was absolutely amazing...she sounds better live than on her CDs (if that was possible) and she's so funny and sweet and slightly awkward.

It's a new week and I'm trying to stay on top of my stuff and keep my head up... Nothing's perfect (definitely including me) and I'm trying hard to fix things. After all, all the effort we put into our relationships with other people and the world shouldn't be for nothing, and nobody should have to go through life alone and disliking where they have ended up. Wish me luck!

To Be Continued...

2009-09-20T22:56:00.000-07:00

2 full weeks into the school year, I certainly do owe a lengthy back-to-school reflection and what not, but I have absolutely no time on my hands and certain events seem to be sapping my energy from me faster than I can refill it.

I was supposed to keep on this stringy old bracelet until Boston felt like home, and over the past couple of weeks I have seriously contemplated it, but things just kept happening that would change my mind. With the events of the weekend I took it off...not because it had finally happened but rather because I was tired of seeing it on my wrist and knowing that it hadn't. For now I keep it safe in a less conspicuous place in the hopes that if it's supposed to happen it will.

This weekend was so much fun, an escape from the real world. Fantasy worlds are fun but when the show's over dreams are still only dreams...despite how real they actually feel. On the bus back I was just wishing that the ride would somehow become longer, because getting back to Boston meant getting back to everything that had happened before I left. Things will pass but I don't want to wait for it to do so. Back to real life I go.....

Getting Washed Away

2009-08-31T19:04:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I know it's been awhile. I haven't posted for several reasons: nothing interesting has happened, I've been somewhat busy saying bye to people, and of course I'm just kind of lazy heh. But with 4 days left until I'm flying back to Boston, I find myself trying to pass the time in any way before I'm back at school. By some strange twist of fate, in such a UC-dominated environment, somehow almost all of my close friends attend semester schools and due to some ticket fiasco, I'm not moving back in BC until 4 days after all of my rest of my friends there. It sucks to be the left behind.

My friends already at school are making a valiant effort to keep in touch I'm sure, but it's not the same. People, including myself, are already slipping back into their school modes and running out of time, conversations end awkwardly and I'm left in little old cupertino missing them while they surely have no time to miss me. Things are changing again and I just can't believe that after fun-filled 4 months I forgot that they would. I know everything will be okay, but I guess I'm just in that awkward limbo state where I'm being left behind but I can't dive head-first into my own busy school life yet either. Darn it, should've bought plane tickets for today instead -_____- I won't be making that mistake twice.

In other news, Hawaii was beautiful and extremely fun. Aside from some minor problems borne out of suddenly spending so much time with the family, it was 6 days full of bliss and beaches. We were on the Big Island this time, which is about the size of Conneticut but only has 300,000 inhabitants compared with 3 million in that East coast state. It is very undeveloped, full of lush tropical jungles and valleys and state-protected spreads of land. We went horseback riding, snorkeling at night with manta rays, on a helicopter ride around the island and up the tallest mountain in the world, Mauna Kea, the big island's resident largest volcano. Mauna Kea is the world's best side for stargazing, and I have seriously never seen so many stars before. There seemed to be more stars than sky, and the Milky Way and Jupiter were clearly in the sky. Breathtaking...I love stars. Snorkeling with manta rays at night was also amazing. We rode out on a boat at sunset to some bay unreachable by land, and there were huge lights in the ocean put there to attract plankton, which in turn attracted manta rays. These things were 16 feet across, almost bigger than our boat, doing flips and feeding on plankton maybe a foot below us. Some snorkelers even accidentally kicked them while paddling in the water (:(!!!!) Although the first sighting is a little terrifying with their size and their giant gaping mouths coming at you and whatnot, after the initial shock its nice to just float there and appreciate these giant creatures for what they are. Underwater pictures are to be developed...to be seen on my facebook!

An update on my culinary adventures....recently I attempted a cheesecake topped with a strawberry glaze and fresh strawberries. I am quite pleased to say that it was a huge success. My dad, the cheesecake lover and the reason I made it, highly approved. My mom loved the crust and even my sister, who doesn't really like cheesecake, was wishing there was still a piece left a couple nights later when she was looking for snacks...heh. My friends also highly enjoyed it when I brought it to a gathering...What should i cook next!??!

Also, for the first time in my entire 18 almost 19 years of life, I got a bad haircut. Okay, a couple hours after the matter it's not THAT bad...in fact I think I'd be completely fine with it if my bangs were past my eyebrows, but alas it is not to be sigh. Before, I could not even come close to understanding girls who cry after a haircut, but now I empathize at least. SIGHHH. I guess it was coming sometime, but I was hoping my luck would hold out...my entire life LOL. Ahh welll....good thing my hair grows super fast...things should be okay in a week or two I hope!

HMMMM. Not much left to say, I need to dance and pack and go back to school! And also, I have fallen in loooove with Little Boots. Her electropop is fantastic.

Today is Going to Be a Good Day

2009-08-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I fail. I haven't blogged in almost 3 weeks, aka FOREVER. Nothing too ridiculous has really been happening since I've gotten back from the East Coast; Cupertino is what it is, and that is lazy and sunny. I've talked about this with a couple people since I've been back, and living in California makes it SO hard to LEAVE! The perpetually beautiful skies are so tempting, and I kind of just want to laze around and not do anything, ever.

However, fun and exciting things have been happening. My good friend K from BC visited the past weekend, taking a vacation from her lovely hometown of Omaha, NE (HEHE). I took her to all the typical CA things and then some. We went to the beach, got a lot of pearl milk tea (VERDE FTW), yogurt, drunk karaoke-ing, a birthday party, swimming, and basically hit up every food place around here that deserves a visit (La Vic's, In-n-Out, Vivi's, Korean BBQ). On Monday I took her to San Francisco for some shopping and dinner at the Fisherman's Wharf. She wanted seafood and we went to this lovely place called Cioppino's which was rather delicious. Walking back to our car, she was BLESSED with a hilarious encounter with the SF BUSH MAN!!!

For those who do not live in California or who have not heard of this fantastic man, he is a fixture in San Francisco much like the Naked Cowboy in New York's Time Square. Holding and hiding behind a few rather large braches of trees, he waits on the sidewalk, sometimes near trash cans (as in K's case) and jumps out at unwitting tourists, scaring the bejeesus out of him. This being my first time seeing him, and also due to the fact that K does not react well to surprises and loud noises, I would say that she entertained basically everybody walking within a 20 foot radius of us.

A lovely end to a fun California visit I would say :) I was sad to see K go when I dropped her off at the airport, but after all school does start in less than a month so no complaining for me. I'm going to Hawaii with the family next Tuesday as well, so there's really not much time left in our 4 month summer. My good friends either haven't been around all summer or are just about to head back to school, and my thoughts are turning towards the upcoming year more often than not. I'm already getting at least 2 CSA emails a day, and things are starting to pick up! I am very excited :)

In other news, I bought this amazing leather jacket in SF :) I know I said I wasn't going to spend any more money after my shopping spree in New York and Boston, but this is an item that I've been looking for for a LONG time and I will cherish it completely. Also, I have realized that a job next year is pretty much going to become necessary, especially with all the shows that I want to see in the upcoming year. This semester I'll be watching Cirque du Soleil's Alegria at UMass, and a couple of days after that is Regina Spektor at the House of Blues. In October there's hopefully a road trip to New York to catch Chromeo, and maybe Justice later in the month? So many fun events coming up!

One last thing: I need new music!! Any suggestions?? I really listen to anything so....Send me suggestions!!!

Lazy Summer Days

2009-07-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

So back in little old Cupertino, and enjoying the beautiful sunny days...Sorry East Coast I had to take the sun back with me :P The last week of my vacation was quite eventful...I resolved some blaring issues, spent a good deal of money and visited my sister for the first time in Providence, as well as taking my first trip to the Hamptons where her friend had a lake house. First off, Montauk is breathtakingly beautiful....unfortunately I forgot my camera in Boston during our time at the lake and thus have no pictures of my own, but here are some stolen from my sister :)

The view from my window when I woke up every morning

We ended up taking two ferries and a bus back to Providence which was a little more expensive, but after our trip to Montauk I can definitely say I hate Greyhound, so it was totally worth it. Plus, the ferries stopped at more amazing islands and ports such as Block Island...Picture below

Gorgeous!! I definitely want to come back here to vacation some day and rent mopeds :)

I was talking about this with my sister on our enjoyable boat ride, but after coming to the East Coast I can really understand how some of my friends say they would never want to live anywhere else. Who can deny the allure of summer beach houses in the Hamptons and ski cabins in Vermont and the like? California is wonderfully lazy and chill in it's own right, but while I'm young and able-bodied I definitely want to travel and live somewhere a little more fast-paced..aka the East Coast. I really do love the city of Boston now, and I can see myself staying around for at least a couple of years after I graduate.

Also, after visiting the East Coast I have been invigorated by the ultimate desire to do a lot of things, including to learn how to cook, and cook well. Regardless of the fact that I won't have a kitchen next year, I believe this is a useful (and if I might say, quite impressive) skill...Also I've always loved to bake and cook breakfast, as long as I had the time. I have decided to expand my repertoire to include a wide variety of dishes :) I figured out a new delicious breakfast sandwich, and also cooked dinner for my family which was quite a success as well. I'm so pleased with the results!! More pictures are on my facebook, if you care to see, but here is my favorite dish from the night...Beef & tofu lettuce cups:

YUMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Next up on my list of things to cook are cheesecake and white sauce/seafood pastas for my Dad hehe. The problem with cooking is I guess mainly finding somebody to eat my food haha....I have a small stomach, unfortunately. Another thing I want to change is my waking up at 2 PM everyday. I am fully utilizing my 3 hour jetlag to get up before 10:30 everyday and so far it's kind of working...I now have time to make breakfast as well as be productive and such :)

Also, started dancing again...Class yesterday was a little disappointing, as it was my 3rd failed attempt at taking class with a certain teacher and hip hop was also a little lacking. I guess for hip hop you really need to go to the big urban cities to get the full experience? After taking class in New York and watching everybody in Boston, hip hop class in a little town doesn't seem that exciting haha. I might start driving up to SF to take class from Funkonometry or what not, but I guess we'll see how that goes. I realized that I really do want to keep dancing...maybe even after college? I'm thinking about joining a company or a dance group...contemporary or hip hop are both fine with me, as well as getting more involved with Conspiracy/Bulletproof Theory (BC's bboy crew...although I'm waacking it's still the same group :P) while I'm still in school. All I need is time!!! hahah

I guess one of the reasons that I've been thinking so far ahead about so many things I want to accomplish is because my all of my friends who just graduated are getting their lives sorted out, and in a sense are finally starting real life. They are all amazing interesting people who are doing amazing interesting things despite whatever their majors are. This ranges from cooking school to completing their master's on a full scholarship at one of the best universities in China to going full time as a photographer or getting into Parson's....basically they are all accomplishing the things they wanted to do and succeeding while still managing to do the things that they love. I can only hope that in 3 years when I am in their shoes I have achieved half of the things that they have.

In other less happy news, I've been feeling kind of down for multiple reasons which I wish I could write about, but can't due to various reasons. Things are changing in a lot of ways....The ones that are going in the direction I want still make me sad when I think about how nothing is the same, and the ones that aren't upset me even more. Why is it that even when we get what we want we still feel pangs of nostalgia, so that despite the fact that we won, we still aren't happy? This isn't the first time I've felt like this, and neither will it be the last, but I wish it would stop happening. Just being selfish, I suppose.

Enough with the pity party, apparently my blog is too emo harhar. Lots of fun things planned in the month before summer ends....Lots of people's birthdays, catching up with people I haven't seen in FOREVER, MAYBE skydiving on Sunday, staying with D in SF for a night, K is coming to visit me beginning of August, and then trip to Hawaii with the fam. Time is FLYING by!!

Being Faux-Productive

2009-07-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

A lot of things on my mind recently....I'm back in Boston for a couple of days and everybody around me is studying for something (MCATs, LSATs, etc.) and I'm feeling pretty unproductive around them, so I suppose I'll blog and feel mildly intelligent for a bit. Topics I want to cover: passive aggression, the downside of living on two coasts, thoughts about next year.

Okay so we decided to go watch Bruno on my last night in New York (how did I get tricked into doing this...I have no idea) and the theater was huge, with nice comfy seats that kinda bounced and sank down when you sat down in them. When I sat down the rather overweight lady behind me starting complaining about how my seat hit her knees but seeing as how I couldn't really do anything about it except not sit there, I didn't say anything. Throughout the movie she kept kicking the back of my chair in bursts, which I naturally assumed was an accident, but towards the end, when there were maybe 10 minutes left, she abruptly swore and leaned forward and angrily asked me to put my feet down, which of course I did promptly. I guess maybe my feet were blocking her view? I'm still not quite sure, maybe she just really dislikes people who put there feet up. But seriously, what a display of passive aggression...so ridiculous. I really don't understand why she didn't just ask me to put my feet down to begin with?? I don't know I can't say that I'm a very passive aggressive person, so maybe it's just really satisfying to kick seats instead of watching a movie in peace? But yeah...people are strange.

So just when I thought that I was making life on two coasts make sense, not so much. This weekend there were a ridiculous number of things going on...obviously I could only pick one thing to do, and it turned out very very fun :) Unexpected fun is so fun!!! And so satisfying. And also no hangover a bowl of pho the next day won't cure heh. I had a fantastic time, and yet when I hear about all the shenanigans my friends at home are getting into, I wish I was there too...I feel like I am doomed to this feeling of always missing out on something. I hope that this feeling goes away, because it would really suck to be forever dissatisfied with what I have. But I'm not!! I'm not dissatisfied!! How to stop *________*

Hanging out with BC people again, I am getting super super excited for the upcoming school year. As I read on her blog, C definitely had it right. Freshman year was too ridiculous and I felt all over the place...sophomore year I know what I want to do and I know what I have to do to achieve those goals, and I am SO EXCITED!! Now it's just a matter of time...I have culture show to think about, school, I'm researching in a psych lab, and I'm thinking about either joining a dance group or getting a job. Unfortunately, I do have to pick :/ I wish I could do both!!

Okay, running out of things to say. Everybody is studying so hard :X and I'm just waiting for the pizza to get here hehe. One last thing...I LOVE 80s MUSIC.

Fun On the East Coast

2009-07-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

So the last two weeks have been REALLY REALLY ridiculous....I managed to escape some chaos at home with my pre-planned trip to the east coast, but I guess the crazy followed me harhar. As did the sun! So I suppose that makes up for it :) I hope all the east-coasters are appreciating the tiny bit of sun after a month of straight rain...I KNOW I AM hehe.

Okay so my trip has been ridiculous amounts of fun....It's been a LOT of fun seeing everybody in Boston, since so many people stayed behind for work and class. It's kind of weird, I didn't realize how much I'd missed everybody :) I guess I'm slowly starting to learn how to reconcile my different lives on the two coasts. I also met up with B & T, which was nice since we haven't talked or caught up in awhile. The area around Harvard is super nice and cute! I'm really jealous that most colleges have a type of plaza or student area for the kids to hang out at...BC is severely lacking in that area unfortunately :/ The rest of my nights in Boston were just the usual, and of course beer pong :)

So an unexpected turn of events led me to the New Jersey/New York area a couple days ahead of schedule, but it's been really fun so far :) Visited the Museum of Sex which was very interesting, and been eating at exciting fun (and somewhat famous) places. ALSO, I took two hip hop classes, BOTH of which I enjoyed VERY MUCH. I really love to dance, I can't believe I let myself not dance for a year when I went off to Boston....RIDICULOUS!! The first class was just a normal hip hop class with pretty fun choreography, but the second workshop I took was AMAZINGGGG. If you guys have not heard of/seen Kyle Hanagami and Ellen Kim dance, you guys are SERIOUSLY missing out. They are two amazing dancers/choreographers from SF who started their own group called The Lost Kids, and basically yeah I love them. Kyle Hanagami taught us a piece to Adele-Hometown Glory, and even though I usually REALLY dislike this new lyrical hip-hop trend, his choreo was fantastic. I realized that the reason I don't like lyrical hip hop is because unless it's done really well, it just looks bizarre and the moves don't match the music. However, in the right hands....it brings a whole new meaning to dance.

Anyway, here's a clip of one of my favorite dances that Ellen and Kyle did together...when footage of the dance I learned from Kyle is uploaded, I'll post that up too :)

Also EXCITING NEWS! I basically got like almost a foot of hair chopped off my head. This was something that popped into my head the week before I left for the east coast and yeah...I am actually really really glad that I decided to go through with it. After everything that's happened, I was definitely ready for a change. I am really really pleased with the results and yeah...HEHE.

Ummm yeah that's about all that's exciting that's happened in my life :) After my stay in New York I might be heading back to Boston for a couple of days to see L who just got back from China, and then to Providence to visit my sister...YAY! FUN TIMES FULL STEAM AHEAD!!

Bleeding Moonlight

2009-06-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

"Time, you can't see it you can't hear it, you can't weigh it or measure it in a laboratory. It is a seductive sense of becoming what we are, instead of what we were a nanosecond ago, becoming what we will be in another nanosecond. This whole entire landscape existing before and behind us and we move through it, slice by slice."

It's so easy to get carried away in your own life that you forget that everything you do has real consequences. Sometimes it takes getting into real trouble to realize that we all have a lot of growing up to do. I don't know what to say about the past two days except that I'm glad it's over. Slice by slice, I'm trying to move through it.

I don't think things will be the same anymore.

3:29 AM

2009-06-17T03:28:00.000-07:00

It is currently almost 3:30 in the morning, and for once, it is not thanks to my friends nor a book nor any type of controlled substance that I am still awake. This time, it is all me.

I don't quite know why or why now my insomnia has returned, only that it is back with a vengeance and despite the fact that I have been yawning for hours, when I close my eyes in anticipation of sweet sweet sleep all I end up doing is thrashing about in my too-hot blanket as I think about how uncomfortable it is that my shirt is riding up. I love to sleep...so why can't I?

My giant white flower. It looks like a huge gardenia! I was told. It was snapped off its branch too long ago, the edges of its petals are turning brown, and I am sad. At 3:33 AM, life seems to be a lot simpler than it usually presents itself. My five bouncy balls, one of each color lined up in the order of the rainbow, make me happy just looking at them. Souvenirs from my adventures today.

I am currently reading A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, and although it is a good book as I read it I can't help but wonder which parts are real and which parts are made up and whether or not that really matters.

Is what happens to us real, or how we perceive it?

For The Love of Words

2009-06-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

It is currently 6:25 AM, and the only ones awake are a few wide-eyed warriors and maybe a couple of friends on the East coast waking up for work and internships. I myself am not quite sure why I am conscious...I left my two favorite As at around 1 AM, assuming that I would play a few rounds of omgpop and then head to bed. But alas, I picked up a book, marked by a dog-eared page about halfway through its creamy pages and I was hooked, again, so strangely, as I always have been.

It is hard to describe the type of effect that an engaging book has over me and my mood, and even harder to not make it sound obsessive, or even unhealthy almost. The moment I start in on a book that manages to capture my interest, and this is not a terribly difficult thing to accomplish, I can barely stand to put it down. I do not know how else to say it besides that it feels like a mood settles over me, like storm clouds separating me from the outside world. I become quiet, sometimes sullen, and anything that makes me have to set aside my fictional world is generally not too kindly received. Friends around me notice, and I have no explanation to give them other than that "I feel weird today". But I know what causes these moods, and what can get rid of them. It is only when I have bulldozed through the hundreds of pages that had lain innocently before me do I arise from this almost catatonic state, shaking it off as I stand up as if coming out of a daze.

This might sound strange, in a generation that much prefers video games and the Internet to print, but this happened to me even when I was small. Gleefully coming back from the library with a bag full of books, I would retreat to the nearest comfortable spot as my family would warn me to finish my homework before I started reading. My sister and I were scolded for reading in the car, at the dinner table, while company was over, any time that we could sneak in a couple more words. At night I hid under my covers, overheating and suffocating under my blankets as my slightly sweaty fingertips awkwardly manned a flashlight and attempted to turn page after creamy page. I devoured characters, stories, and entire worlds, never being able to get enough, even if I had run out of pages to turn. Truly, can I really call it a love of reading? While certainly I have come across such well-written passages and plotlines that I had to stop and reread them, in awe of the author's abilities to wind together letters and words, in truth it all comes down to my overwhelming desire to find out what happens next.

Being a hermit, detached from the real world in all senses does not seem particularly healthy to me, and yet I am unable to stop. This summer, the abundance of time on my hands has led me to the library, and once again I find myself more often than not curled up with a book, reading at ungodly hours that are meant for other things; sleep, dinner, spending time with friends. Such a curious thing to ponder after reading for 4 hours, and I guess it is interesting enough for me to forsake whatever other 5 or 6 hours of sleep that I could have snatched before it would actually be ridiculously lazy for me not to wake up. My head is pounding and I am quite aware that I should be in bed, but with the strange California sun tempting me through the untimely June clouds, attempting to sleep seems out of the question for now. At least I am satisfied, finally knowing the fate of that other Boleyn girl....at least until I begin the process again diving into pages bound between the most inviting blue covers.

Growing Down??

2009-06-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

So coming home, I knew I had 4 long months ahead of me, filled with nothing to do except a trip here or there and maybe a job. SO, I've set my mind to being productive this summer. After giving myself a week or two to do absolutely nothing, I've been trying to set my plan into motion this summer. So far I think I'm succeeding!! I've made a trip to the library (and started reading for leisure again..something I sorely miss), gone biking with friends, gone running, started working, and started singing again. Now I just need to keep these things going and start dancing and writing again too and I'll be all set. Accomplishing things makes me more satisfied than anything :)

I don't know what it is, but this summer I've been gravitating more towards simple pleasures. Sure, I still have the urge to get trashed and have drunken adventures, but for some reason it's just not the same as those booze-filled nights in college. Maybe it's because I got written up, maybe it's being I got tired of being hungover until 9 PM the next day, but whatever the reason I'm not complaining. Good wholesome fun might be hard to find, but it's there. When did we forget??

Life feels like one great circle. Like I was talking to A about, we had our happy childhoods, and then that age where everything was immature and the dumbest things were hilarious (YO MOMMA), and then all of a sudden we had to grow up. We tried so hard to be too cool and too popular for that stupid stuff, and pretended to be mature and sexy and classy. And finally, now that we've grown up, I've realized that the stupid shit IS funny. It doesn't matter anymore who was popular and attractive in high school, the world is so much bigger than our home towns that honestly, we can do whatever the fuck we want (superhero nerd anyone?) and there will be a group of friends waiting for us out there who love doing the exact same things. That's-what-she-said jokes are hilarious again, and I love it. Maybe when we're senile, we'll be just as happy as when we were kids.

I don't know how or when I first thought of this theory, but this is the first time it's really been a concrete idea (oxymoron!) to me, much less said anything about it. When we are kids, we view the entire world in wonder, and therefore are extremely easily amused. This persists until we get to the age where we THINK we know everything, but what's wrong with being easily amused?? For one thing, life is much more fun, and the world retains a sort of mystical sense that I am completely okay with. Why take away your own excitement??

When did we forget this?? When did we move away from creating our own fun to turn towards alcohol, sex, and drugs?? If that was called growing up, then I'm ready to grow down again. Suddenly, those things that had entertained me so much during high school and my freshmen year of college are unappealing. I want to play in the sun, go biking and running, shoot hoops with friends and roll around in the grass. Dressing up is fun, but my outfit of choice recently has been a comfortable plain tank or tee and running shorts....so comfortable :) I want to do things like get ice cream and watch UP (which by the way was fantastic...more on that later) and play with my dog. I love giving myself so much to look forward too...I am very excited for the rest of summer <3

Also, on a more random note, I didn't realize this until lately but somehow, I follow sports now. It started with college football, most obviously since I now have a stake in a team (my own hehe), and then I found myself watching the world series online as I did my homework and secretly snickering when the Red Sox lost (DON'T KILL ME). Then basketball summer, and I found myself tuning into every game of the playoffs and being disappointed if I had to leave before the end of the game. Somehow, I now watch sports. WTF? Who would've thought?? I have to say though, the playoffs were rather disappointing. First of all, Celtics weren't even in, Lakers won, and then the Cavaliers disappointed me. SIGH. Should I even bother watching the finals?!?!? I guess if anything, I'm rooting for the Magics. I'm even starting to pick my favorite teams and players...hehe. What a most interesting development!!!

I finally watched Up last night after failing once before (sold out...) and it far exceeded my already high expectations. I don't know how Pixar does it, but they have yet to disappoint me. Their awesome computer graphics skill combined with the classic Disney life lessons hidden in a heart-wrenching but humorous movie left me wanting to watch it just one more time. Although it was a little more adult than I would expect from a Disney movie, that just made it all the better I think. Disney/Pixar's attention to even the smallest details show through, and the care they took in creating this amazing movie certainly paid off. I highly recommend this to anybody and everybody, regardless of age or gender or anything else. Guys, go watch it with a girl and pretend they made you go with them. It is seriously that worth it. I know I'll be buying the DVD for this film the moment it hits the shelves.

Until next time!! Think about growing down :)

Home Again

2009-05-25T18:59:00.000-07:00

I am sorry my lovelies, I am long past overdue for an update. It's been a hectice 21 days since I last posted, so please bear with me as I recount my adventures :) Those that I can remember, that is. Hmmm just so I don't forget, here's a list of things I want to write about this time.

1. Finals/Academics
2. Senior Week/Graduation
3. Being a kid
4. Coming home

Hmm..on second thought I don't know if I'm going to finish this in one sitting. Heheh...may be to be continued :)

So first of all, I pretty much got owned by all my classes this semester. 2 classes that I thought I was doing okay in (as in, could get an A-) were informally curved, and I ended up with a B in both classes. Fail. I also definitely should've gone to class more and studied more...but now I know right?? On the bright side, I'm really glad I am currently majoring in psychology...I'm already a step ahead of a lot of my friends who picked premed or business or econ and are finding out that they absolutely hate the stuff and are now considering psychology and etc. Yay for me :) And I really do find the material super interesting and reading the textbooks goes a lot more quickly than say, history. I hate history. On another bright side I am done with history and math FOREVERR....minus having to take stats for psych next year. But that's a different story :)

So I decided to stay for senior week and graduation, so although my last final was on the 11th, I didn't land in SFO until the 19th. I'm really glad I stayed-I became really close to quite a few of the seniors, and I'm glad I got to spend as much time as possible with them before they disappear forever into the real world (harhar). I went to my friend's art show, watched STAR TREK (which is amazing by the way...watching it again with my family soon ^____^), had dinner with a very interesting professor (???), got lots of food, played lots of pong. Below is my favorite painting from the show, my friend's painting of me, and another painting he did that I love :)

So basically second semester, I pretty much decided to just say FUCK IT to everything, and for once I acted completely my age. I started drinking and partying a lot, and looking back now I know it got a bit (maybe more than a bit) out of hand. My academics suffered, my body suffered (sorry body!!) and I'm lucky that I never did anything really stupid that I couldn't fix or that I really regretted. I got written up on basically the last day of school (THAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME -_______-) and I've promised my mom that I wouldn't drink hard A since....not that I'm not down for beer pong though :) However, I have to say it felt good just not giving a crap and not having to be the responsible one, for once. 2nd semester was a good release, but I don't think I'll be repeating it anytime soon. My liver needs to recover anyway :)

So I got really attached to Boston in the last 2 or 3 weeks of being there, and I did really miss it the first couple days I was back. I'm lucky though, since a lot of my friends are also in semester schools or still around, so I still have people to hang out with. I'm eagerly awaiting the return of my quarter-system friends though...I'm excited to see everybody! I'm going to be around Cupertino for most of summer, minus from June 30th to July 20th when I'm heading to the East Coast (Boston, New York, Providence!), going back to work at Froyo? :) So let's hang out!!!

A more introspective post to come...I have a lot of things on my mind lately, unfortunately. Summer should be carefree!!! At the very least, it is fun :)

HMMM.

2009-05-04T01:46:00.001-07:00

I don't know what's going on anymore. Everytime I think I have a hold of life, I lose it...or maybe I just never had it to begin with. I'm so tired of watching people cry.

On a brighter note, Wolverine is an awesome movie. I didn't expect it to be a love story, but the fact that it was might have made it better..kinda? GO SEE iT....def worth the $11 or $9, depending on which coast you're reading this from.

I miss home, and my family. SIGH.

The year is almost over!!

2009-04-24T19:45:00.000-07:00

The past 2 weeks have been hectic; a preview of my years to come. Being on eboard is fantastic, and everything I wanted. Even though I now have even less free time than I did before (and that's saying something), it's so satisfying. I'm so glad that I love all the people on my eboard, or else those 10 hour meetings would be really frustrating. However, the budget report for next year is due soon, and it is driving me insane. So much work to do!! SIGH. On the bright side, this is the first chance I've gotten to breathe and not really worry about anything in 14 days, and IT FEELS GOOD TO NOT DO ANYTHING. On the not so bright side, I'm just blogging in between classes and I'm running on 4 hours of sleep, thanks to my social psych exam. Sweet.

There's been a heat wave at Boston recently...despite a couple days of pouring rain, it reached 92 on Tuesday, which is even hotter than Cupertino!! :O Damn all the stupid East coast people who lied to me and said it never got hot in Boston...I now have basically no cute summer clothes to wear...I feel like a scrub now that all the rich pretty girls are busting out with their sundresses and heels. However, my mood is indefinitely improved by the warming sun, and it's nice to not have to bring multiple jackets with me wherever i go...or to have to bring a jacket at all :)

So finals season is upon us...I have 3 finals scheduled for next Saturday, hoping to get one moved to the following Tuesday, and then home free!!! I'm staying for senior week and graduation, so I'll be landing in San Jose airport around midnight on the 19th :) While I'm excited to be going home soon, I'm definitely going to miss this place and the people for our 4 looong months of summer. However, I'm hoping that summer will turned out as planned, and if it does, I'll be working at Stanford for 6 weeks as a CTY summer camp counselor :) I need money!!! And I also need to be prodcutive. I can't handle it when I have nothing to do for long periods of time...I'm pretty excited though :) basically for life.

Okay, I thought I would have more to say after two weeks but I guess I fail :/ Will update soon!!! Hopefully.

Question.

2009-04-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

Why do the worms come out to drown and die when it rains????

It's getting a little ridiculous...the walk to the cafeteria is really nerve-wracking and uncomfortable. I don't want to kill worms!! Even if it is by accident!

But We are Measly College Students!!!

2009-04-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

I should be blogging in my social psychology blog, since the assignment is due very very soon, but whatevs. My life seems to be more important than the issues of blind conformity and what not right now....OR IS IT??? HMMM. But anyway, updates on last time...

I love my new green ipod nano. I love music.
I got the CSA Culture Show position...yay :) I'm extremely excited to be working with the new e-board, especially since I rather like all the other officers.
I'm being pro-active!!

So first off, since BC is awesome and Jesuit, I didn't have school from Thursday to Monday :) So I took full advantage of our Easter break to visit D & M down at NYU, since I haven't seen either of them since winter break. It was a really fun and crazy trip, and I have to say I think if I went to NYU I would legit be an alcoholic lol. Drunk kids wandering the whole of NYC is super fun and ridiculous, but I don't know if I'd be able to handle that every weekend haha. Also, drinking 5/7 days last week is a bit too much...I feel bad for my liver. Thursday night was a complete shit show, so D and I took Friday off to recover. Saturday was more fun, karaoking and journeying to get my first taste of White Castle...hehe sorry New Yorkers, I still love In-n-Out more. I love the BoltBus and it's wireless internet :) It makes the 4 hour bus ride a lot better...but more dizzy. I was glad to be back at BC though...After wondering all of first semester and a bit of second whether I had picked the right school when I was pondering between BC and NYU, I'm pretty sure now that I made the right choice. And that decision makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

So along the lines of being pro-active...I'm starting to be a lot more productive with my schoolwork, actually getting shit done. I'm also applying for summer jobs and looking for internships, even though the chances of the latter are slim :/. I also emailed a professor who is doing research here at BC regarding psych and the performing arts to ask if I could possibly interview for a research assistant position in her lab for next year...so hopefully that'll pan out :) Now if I could only get myself to go to class....hahhaha.

On a much bigger scale, there's been a huge issue recently at BC about the unnamed Asian American Scholarship, the way it's been for the past dozen years or so. Having the only unnamed scholarship on campus perpetuates the idea that there are no important Asian figures or heroes, and thus the culture clubs have been trying to get the scholarship named for the past couple of years. This year, we're trying to get it named after Aung San Suu Kyi, a political prisoner, activist, and Nobel Peace Prize winner currently imprisoned in Burma. On a similar note, there is a complete lack of AHANA (Asian Hispanic African Native American-the term we use at BC for minorities) faculty and Asian American studies classes, to the point where Asian American Studies isn't even an option for a major. Basically, Boston College has constantly failed to recognize the worth and importance of Asian students on it's campus.

So April is APAHM (Asian Pacific American Heritage Month), so yesterday was the annual festival in our plaza. During one of the acts, we had a flash mob moment for silence. Wearing the shirts with Aung San Suu Kyi's face on it, holding up a sign that said "Without more Asian American Studies courses, we have no voice", gagging my mouth with a strip of baby teal cloth, seeing hundreds of students gathered in the plaza with their hands over their mouths to honor this moment of silence....It's so powerful, what we as college students can do. What we as people can do. It's so great, I wish I had pictures of it. I will post them up whenever I find them :)

Combined with the festival, there was also a rally for free speech at BC. Recently, an invitation for Bill Ayers to speak on our campus was rescinded, due to threats from the community after they learned of his scheduled appearance. Bill Ayers, now a professor at UIllinois of Chicago, was a part of the radical and sometimes violent anti-war organization, the Weather Underground, in th 1960s and 70s. There was a backlash after the cancellation, leading to said rally. Sitting there listening to the professors and the administration and a guest lawyer speak about our rights, and the importance of first amendmant values rather than rights, and the necessity of free thinking to become a leading intellectual center...It feels good to be a part of something more important than just my GPA for this semester or a beer pong tournament.

I think that it's so easy to lose sight of the big picture, especially as college students. We are not really living in the "real world", per se (I spelled it right this time Yasmine), and thus it's much too easy to just go to class, do our work, party on the weekends, and have that be the whole of our college experience. I want more!! I want to be intellectually challenged, I want to make a difference, and I want to make a difference. As I have heard often before, "If Boston College is the same when I left as when I entered, then I have failed"...based off of a more famous quote I think, but the message is the same. I hope that on CSA e-board, I will be able to start taking the steps that I need to do what I want to, and grow infinitely as a person.

College is so different from what I expected, but not in a bad way.

A Breath of Air

2009-04-06T08:58:00.000-07:00

So now that my (minor) hell week is over, I'm finally getting a chance to chill, not feel stressed, and just enjoy where I am and what I'm doing. The past two weeks have been pretty up and down, but no big :) This is going to be a giant two week recap, so bear with me haha. I will attempt to make it brief.

So during the last week of march, I had 3 midterms, caked a friend for her birthday, went to lots of culture club events (butter beef night, documentary showings, bbq, etc. :D), and went to a friend's art show. 2 of my midterms were on that Thursday, and due to the caking of my friend, I didn't get back to my room until 1 AM Wednesday night..or is that Thursday morning?? Once I got to my room, I proceeded to realize that I had spilled vitamin water all in my bag...and thus now my ipod is broken, making this the 3rd or 4th apple victim in my destruction of all things electronics. Some days, everything I touch just dies (:(). The prospect of another $200 down the drain is semi-disheartening, but the idea of a cute purple nano in my pocket is kind of exciting.

That friday was also the Ben Folds and Lupe Fiasco concert. A band called Jukebox the Ghost opened for the two of them, and they were so good!! We had gotten 3rd row seats because of our good friend who started waiting in line at 4:30 (the doors opened at 7...he's nuts.) so acoustics were great. All the acts were amazing live and were all so charismatic, and it was really a good show. The Jukebox the Ghost pianist/singer sounded so much like some other big name (the who escapes me at the moment...) and he had the funniest hand gestures and mannerisms. Ben Folds is also amazing at piano, and Lupe also sounded great. We baked brownies beforehand so that might've helped with the fun.

It's been pretty busy the past week because I was in another culture show for my friend's club, and I got put into the hardest dance, Thai Bamboo. Basically, it's the dance where they clap long bamboo sticks on the ground and the dancers have to dance through them...A hard task for males, in particular, especially those who have no sense of rhythm. It didn't help that our choreographer wasn't that familiar with the dance either, and we had to keep canceling practice for various reasons and we were always missing people when we finally had to practice. Lots of smashed fingers and bruised ankles and feet and loud noises equals a lot of stress. The show is finally over now, and all is said and done and the afterparty was fun, so oh well.

So I'm running for CSA culture chair next year, which basically means if I win I'd be in charge of the culture show and other cultural events. At first I wanted to run because I really like the performing arts and I wanted to get involved, but I'm kind of having second thoughts about it. Don't get me wrong, I definitely still want to be involved but there's been a lot of drama within eboards (executive boards, aka the officers) and between the culture clubs, and I'm just feeling a little apprehensive about elections, which are tomorrow. I also wanted to get involved with SEASA though, so I guess if I don't get culture chair it won't be too bad...Whatever happens happens! More on this later, and my thoughts on things I want to accomplish before I graduate.

I think one thing that I've learned (or had reiterated) in college is that it is so much easier to face your problems head on. Backstabbing, gossiping, all this beating around the bush just makes everything worse. Confront the problem, be honest, and things have a tendency to work out...for me at least haha. If that advice ruins anybody's life, I'm terribly sorry. We're all growing up, why shouldn't we be able to talk things out without getting offended?? I feel like the big picture is so much more important now...wasting your breath over petty things just isn't worth it.

Other things...Dancing is coming back into my life, and it feels great :) I'm getting my flexibility back after not stretching for a semester; I can do the splits again!! YAY hahaha. Now that I'm not sick, I can also start going to the practice rooms again to keep singing. I really miss organied dance and singing, but oh well :/ My life would be SO different if I'd made an acapella group...so weird to think about haha. College is time to take charge of your own life though I suppose, so that's what I'm going to do :) Education, extra-curriculars, and everything! (ALLITERATION YAY)

Feeling better, but more thoughts to come. There's so much to look forward to!

SIgh.

2009-04-01T17:01:00.001-07:00

This is going to be (and has been) a bad week (so far). I actually have something to say, but will update later, when I feel like it.

Where did the time go!?

2009-03-24T17:26:00.000-07:00

Things have been busy, as always. I'm kind of starting to get the hang of this work hard party hard thing...although I'll have to get back to you on that after my 3 exams this week. I'm doing another culture show for my friend, so there are those practices, and then I'm learning how to waack with the bboys here, and then there's the obligatory school work and what not. Registration and rooming for next year is in 2 weeks...Ridiculous!! This year has gone by so quickly, where has all my time gone??

Last Friday was this huge dance show/competition that BC holds every year, called ALC Showdown. It drew crowds of around 3000, and quite a few of my friends were performing. Below is my personal favorite, (sorry Synergy and AeroK :D) it is definitely worth watching. They're the BC/BU bboy crew called Bulletproof Theory, and they are fire!!!

This friday is also the spring concert for BC, and this year they got Ben Folds and Lupe Fiasco!!! Which is fantastic. I have to say, I respect Lupe a lot for not drinking/doing drugs, and he doesn't swear in his songs and what not and has still managed to make it big. His beats/lyrics are all really good regardless (not that you have to swear to be successful) and I quite enjoy his music :) My friends stood in line and got me floor seat tickets, so this show should be quite enjoyable. I'm excited for this week to just be over!! Easter Break is so close.

Did you know that a snail can sleep for 3 years? That's amazing. I love to sleep. Perhaps I should just be a snail. Also, if any of you need something else to waste your time, you should check out www.notalwaysright.com, which is something like fmylife.com but regarding stupid customers and slightly less funny, and also one of my personal favorites www.cracked.com, which is full of witty/funny articles and lists, like 7 Terrifying Creatures You'll Never See Coming, where they discuss the poisonous Stonefish:

"So next time you head to the beach, be on the lookout for the stonefish. Oh wait. You can't because it's fucking invisible."

Highly entertaining, highly informative.

Also, I watched the Korea v. Japan baseball game last night with my Japanese floormate and 3-4 of my korean guy friends. After Korea and Japan trashed Venezuela and the U.S. respectively, this game was definitely an exciting one to watch. Everybody in the room got super competitive, but it was all in good fun :) By the 10th inning, it was past 1 AM and we were all exhausted, but you can't go to bed during overtime!!! Much love to S, who held her ground despite being abused by her opponents and being locked out and what not....heh. The korean boys proceeded to drink their sorrows away after the game...Guess the team won't be exempt from the army after all haha.

Life is so fun.

Asian?

2009-03-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

Now that it is once again Tuesday at 12 PM, that means it is time to completely disregard everything my psych teacher is saying to blog :) Don't worry, I actually have an idea of what to blog about this time...It won't just be my brain throwing up onto my keyboard. Pleasant, right?

So this is something I've noticed before, but didn't really contemplate as much until recently. I realized that while I now feel like a college student, I don't feel like a Boston College student. After getting involved with the culture clubs, and hence the Asian community here at BC, I feel like I don't go to Boston College the school, but rather that I attend a small Asian subset of the university. When I walk around campus, or walk into cafeterias, I automatically scan for Asians because it is highly likely that I will know them, either personally or just by face. On the other hand, at non-Asian events I have begun to keep to myself, because it is so much more likely that I don't know anybody at all.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. Being a part of the Asian community here has expanded my networks by a lot, in a way that I rather appreciate. I have met a lot of people that I would've never interacted with otherwise, and my friends are no longer limited to freshmen. There is always something to do, not just on the weekends but on the weekdays as well. There is always somebody who wants to grab lunch or dinner, or head to the gym, or just hang out for a couple of hours. If I can't sleep at night or am still awake at 5 in the morning due to some ill planning on my part, there is always somebody else awake (Apparently, Asians just don't sleep. I thought this was limited to MV, but BC has proven it correct as well haha). I guess it just feels nice to actually belong to some sort of community, to know that there are so many people I could ask for help.

On the other hand, the fact that there is always something to do is affecting the other groups of people or areas in my life. I have not spent quality time with my floormates in forever, and I miss them. I'm losing touch with friends I made first semester, even the people I've met this semester. The constant requests for time are so enticing that my work is more and more often being left undone, and my classes more and more often left unattended. My grades aren't suffering that badly though, which is probably encouraging my behavior in some sense. In fact, I'm even kind of doing better in some classes...how peculiar.

I guess that I'm still just looking for that balance that so often eludes me. Something to keep in mind I suppose...

Today is St. Patrick's Day, and the fact that I attend an Irish-Catholic school has never been more obvious. Everbody is wearing green, and some people have been drunk since last Thursday. I'm attending a club event for my friend's company party, so that should be pretty fun/exciting. It is open bar after all :P

I am so tired all the time. Even laying in bed all day for 2 days in a row has not been enough to replenish my energy...Must fix problem now. At least it's been nice outside, nice for Boston as in above 35 degrees. Tomorrow is even going to be 56 degrees...how exciting!!

____

2009-03-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

So spring break was pretty much amazing, despite all the time I spent travelling instead of chilling with my friends haha. Even though nobody else was home, I still had plenty to do in cute little Cupertino...bowling, shopping, the obligatory verde run, lots of eating :) I also got my lip pierced!!! Pictures on my facebook, don't think it'd be a good idea to put a picture of me on a public blog, hehe. To answer the usual questions, it actually didn't hurt that much to get it pierced...A really uncomfortable pinch haha and then my body kind of numbed the area in defense. The healing process actually sucked more, especially since I ate spicy food once or twice so I swelled like crazy and it was just really sore and uncomfortable for a really long time haha. However, a week and 2 days later it is healing rather well, minus the itchy scab stage haha.

So anyway, after spending a couple days in norcal I began my tour of socal in an effort to see as many people as possible haha. Started off flying down to San Diego, staying with A & L, which was very fun :) The beach is amazing, La Jolla Shores is absolutely gorgeous. Will upload pictures soon hehe. Then took Amtrak to UCLA to stay with N, whom I miss dearly <3 Then off to USC to see A & G. First off, it's so interesting to think about how we all think we know what college life is like...but in reality, each campus is so different that honestly, we have no idea how it is at every other school.

First off, socal campuses are GORGEOUS. There are actually people wandering around and hanging outdoors on campus and such..it's amazing that it's actually warm enough to consider such a thing haha. The palm trees are nice, and the weather is fantastic too. And I just realized how FREAKING SMALL the dorm rooms at Boston College are!!! I'm actually kind of bitter, I'm not gonna lie haha. The forced triples at UCSD are as big as the regular triples here...So sad haha. Also, frat row on USC is pretty impressive....I guess it's a pretty definining characteristic of the school, but I'm still kind of glad BC doesn't have a greek system haha. I'd have a lot less friends ahha.

Also, cabs suck. I spent almost $200 on cab fares this week and travel just fails in general. I pre-ordered a shuttle on sunday morning from USC to the airport, and it never showed...so after half an hour of waiting and then being put on hold for like 20 minutes after which they tell me my driver isn't picking up, I order a cab from a second company, which is then sent to COURTLAND street, instead of PORTLAND street. I hate my life. And there was only one security line at the airport so it was ridiculously slow, and I was legit the last one onto my flight. I ran onto my flight at 11:30, it was scheduled to leave at 11:30. They were closing the doors as I was running for it, and I got all the dirty looks from the airline staff and all the other passengers as I shamefully made my way down the aisle as that "last person" on the plane. SIGH.

I feel really all over the place, life since coming back to BC has been pretty...interesting to say the least haha. I have no cohesive thoughtful insights to share with you all...or rather I do, but none that I an form at the moment. Probably something to do with me being dizzy and sick...will update when I feel better haha.

Open?

2009-03-07T02:07:00.000-08:00

An interesting thought..

Today at a party that G took me too, we were talking with some of her friends. One of the guys, C said that he had applied to Berkeley but didn't like it because they were very close-minded. The NorCal-ians of the group disagreed immediately, and discussion ensued. One girl said, "I feel like if you're liberal at all then you'll fit in at Berkeley", to which the guy responded, "But what if you're not?"

"Isn't that being close-minded then?"

What an interesting thought. I think I agree with the boy....Berkeley is more accurately liberal, not open. Thoughts anyone?

At JFK, Once Again

2009-02-28T11:57:00.000-08:00

So I have a 3 hour layover in JFK, so it's time to BLOG! The past week has been really good...I finished all my midterms the week before so I was pretty much just cruising before going on break. Spring break could not have come at a better time...I am so excited to just chill, go home and see my family & friends. I'm excited to be visiting socal too though....70 degree weather here I come!!! w00t.

I've been clearing some things up this week and it's been working, but at the same time even more has been weighing on my mind. Letting the peple who criticize do whatever they want, while keeping my actions to myself...When it comes down to it, some people can keep secrets and others can't, so I'll be sure to stick to those who can. It's nice to see how things are settling down and turning out...especially since I like the results.

Some notes about New England....WHY THE FUCK IS IT ALWAYS WINDY!?!?!? JEEBUS. I don't understand, I feel like I'm about to get blown away, and not in the exciting sense of the phrase either. And the wind ALWAYS blows in the opposite direction of my bangs, which is really annoying hahah. I still like the snow after a winter here, and rain too. Good for me keeping my preferences :) I really like the city of Boston, but I hate public transportation. I miss good asian food, so our trip into Chinatown last night was well in order.

I found a LOT of great music lately...it's very exciting. And I'm finally going to see Ratatat on 4/20!!!!!!! I'm SO EXCITED for that...HEHE. I realized that I love dance parties. What else is new...hahaha. My mind is starting to wandering because I'm getting too into the music lololol. Will blog later when I have something to say.

A Tidal Wave of Events Part 3

2009-02-21T17:25:00.000-08:00

So that brings us to the past week. My happiness level has gone up by a lot; even my friends have mentioned how much more spirited and content I've been lately. The only teensy problem though was that after allowing myself to blow off work and going to classes for the chaotic hellweek before culture show, it's a little hard to get back into school mode. The first half of my week was a mess, with midterms and staying up all night and not sleeping enough and what not, but I like to think I got it together towards the end :) No more missing class for me!

This weekend has been ridiculously busy too, but I figured if I didn't blog now, I would never get my lazy ass around to doing it :) Yesterday, my friends and I went to the Museum of Science to watch a show. Basically, they have these awesome laser light shows that are synchronized to different bands, such as Queen, the Beatles, and Pink Floyd. The Pink Floyd was pretty good, but since I'm not a die-hard fan I didn't really know the songs. Hence, I was very excited to watch the Beatles this time. UNFORTUNATELY, due to the massive amounts of traffic we got there half an hour late and missed it. SIGH.

The night view of the Boston skyline might have made up for it though...GORGEOUS. Except you can't see in the picture that it is super super windy.

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but in our culture clubs (CSA, KSA) we get split into families :) So last night was a family tournament hahaha and it was extremely competitive, squished, and fun. I need to improve at beer pong!! Although I've realized that I only get hangovers when I drink beer...which is often since everybody loves pong here....which sucks :( Need to find a way to counteract that...haha

And then today, rolled out of bed around one to go to the Museum of Fine Arts with some friends (aren't you proud of me mom??? I went to a museum for FUN). They had to look at impressionist paintings for their painting class, and I just tagged along. I really appreciate art a lot more than I used to when my family would drag me to galleries and what not. I realized that I love either really DETAILED art, or really simple art. All for the extremes!! Haha. But anyway, here is my favorite painting, The Seventh Plague of Egypt by John Martin:

It's not quite as amazing on a computer screen, but the real painting was huge, about 5x7 ft.

On a pretty separate note, these past 2 weeks I've really figured out who I actually enjoy spending time with, and who really isn't a good friend. It bothers me a lot how people here are so typical (refer to A Tidal Wave of Events part 1) and judgemental...I'm really sick of having my every action scrutinized and dissected. Honestly, I don't think I've changed very much since I've been here, so whatever they may find out about me should have no impact on how they view me whatsoever. I haven't changed, only their perception of me has. It's really annoying when people say things like, "Good, that makes me like you a lot better as a person". WTF? In a related situation, okay yeah I like to drink and go out with friends, and I like to get drunk. I've only crashed in a friend's room twice this entire year, and somehow all my friends think I'm so crazy for drinking so much or for not sleeping in my own bed, when they've done it so many more times themselves. They assume that if a guy walks me back to my room at 3 AM, that we're going to hook up. They assume that if I drink, I'm going to get trashed and make out with whoever is standing next to me. I really just want to tell them...Listen. I'm not you. I'm not that type of person, and if you don't know that by now, then you obviously don't know me very well. SIGH. I need legit friends, and I'm glad I'm finally on my way to finding them....maybe that's why I've been in such a great mood this past week :)

On one last note, I think I'm going to get my lip pierced over spring break :P Thoughts?

A Tidal Wave of Events Part 2

2009-02-21T16:53:00.000-08:00

So right after I got back from 48 hours, it was the week of culture show. We had practices almost every night, and tensions were running rather high, which probably didn't help any. A lot of people were yelling for no reason, and basically the immensely high levels of stress brought out the best and the worst in everybody. It's really hard to try and get stuff done when people are falling asleep standing up and basically disregarding any directions whatsoever. Run throughs were kind of a mess, starting half an hour late (woot asian time!!) but we got our shit together :)

The day of the show was pretty smooth, the show was so fun!!! I miss hanging out backstage with all the people in the show, just chilling and eating and having a good time before we have to frantically run onstage :) I miss doing shows!! But yeah the performance was great, videos are on youtube I'm sure, just look up CSA/KSA culture show haha. I wanted to link the video of the fan dance, but I don't think anybody filmed it :( That makes me actually pretty sad....sigh. But anyway, here's a picture of the fusion part, with the korean fans on the outside, chinese fans on the inside :)

The afterparty of course was a complete shit show, full of drunken stumbling, some throwing up, crying, and drunk drama. Fun, but a little ridiculous, I basically ran away when shit started getting stupid and it was so full in the suite that we couldn't move. I did however take down the CSA president...So much for shot to shot hehe. I found her passed out on her bed an hour or two after I'd gotten there :P

yay fan dance girls!! :)

Stay tuned for part 3...

A Tidal Wave of Events Part 1

2009-02-21T16:34:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's been a long time. Please, spare me, I've been ridiculously busy the past couple of weeks and a LOT has happened....so bear with me. This has been my first time sitting at my computer with absolutely nothing else I should be doing; no practices or meetings to run to, no midterm to study for, etc. I will even attempt to break up the text with pretty pictures :D and I think I'll just write separate posts for each event...hahah.

First off, I went to a retreat called 48 Hours during the first weekend of February. It's a retreat especially for freshmen, where we discuss social issues connected with the transition to college. I really did NOT want to go on this. While it had seemed fun and everybody had given great recommendations, this was the weekend before culture show and I had way too much I needed to get done. I almost backed out at the last second, but alas. The trip started off okay. It was about what I expected, lots of icebreakers and intense talks in small groups. My group leader Lainey was awesome; she's a senior who studied abroad in Florence last year, and she's extremely nice and honest, and unashamed to bring up topics. She led the discussions in good directions, and I enjoyed being under her guidance. My group was okay as well, even though several people didn't talk at all. Friday night and Saturday passed slowly, without any exciting news.

And then, we got free time. We were at a hotel in Brewster, right on Cape Cod and only a few thousand feet from the beach. For all you West-Coasters, you NEED to go to a beach during winter. The place, was absolutely gorgeous. We took a rickety wooden path through some forest, and we got to the Atlantic Ocean. The snow was piled up about 4 feet high, but since this weekend was so warm (as in, in the 40s lol) parts of it had melted and formed glacier-like things, making the beach look like some mini Antarctica. We had to jump from glacier to glacier to get anywhere near to the water, which we didn't anyway since it was low tide haha. It looked something like this:

So after seeing this gorgeous beach and some really insightful private journaling time, the weekend was finally worth it. There was also this great speaker who is a Theology teacher at Boston College and he teaches Buddhism. I am TOTALLY taking his class next year. One thing that bothered me though was that all the people on the trip completely epitomized the stereotype of BC students. We each had a chance to share our stories, and all of these ex-valedictorians, ex-football captains, ex-wrestling captains, ex-city council teen members, got up to say their bit. All their stories went like this: My life was perfect in high school and my dream school was Boston College (or Notre Dame, or Vanderbilt) but I got deferred and I was so sad, and then I got waitlisted, but now I'm here and at first the transition was SOO hard because everything was different from home but now everything is perfect and I'm SOO glad I came on this retreat. I love my life!!! Happily ever after. The fact that everybody said this was really ridiculous to me...When I was listening I couldn't help but think that they were all insane, because personally I still harbor thoughts about transferring. I guess I was just a bit disappointed by the confirmation of the cookie-cutter student.

I guess from 48 hours, although I was sick and exhausted, I did get something real out of it. I didn't expect to cry while writing in my journal; I thought I had resolved to be happy at Boston College no matter how much I missed home. It's been a rough start of a semester, dealing with stuff from home and also just homesickness, but I didn't even want to acknowledge how unhappy I was. Although it sounds cheesy, I felt a lot better after I finally admitted to myself that I still do kind of want to transfer. I guess in my determined state to be happy, I refused to let myself be sad and it just got a lot worse. Ironically, after I finally addressed my problems, things have started looking up. I don't know if the retreat was worth the $100 and lack of sleep, but I guess looking at my current emotional state and the mess I was 2 or 3 weeks ago, I'm glad I went anyway.

Real Post Coming Soon, I Promise

2009-02-15T17:58:00.000-08:00

This is just to tide you all over for now, since I haven't posted in FOREVER and I feel slightly bad. :)

1. I (think I) have very good self control, and it transfers over to when im drunk too. I've never done anything really ridiculous that I regret while trashed, and can act sober when need be.

2. On a related note, I think when you're drunk the way you act is just an exaggerated version of who you really are. Therefore, I don't think being drunk is a good excuse for anything. Although blacking out could be a different story, maybe.

3. I've done a lot of things that people would never expect, and I haven't done a lot of things most people think I have. Surprise! Hahaha. You can figure out what I'm talking about for yourselves.

4. One of my biggest qualms with college is the fact that I'm no longer singing or dancing. It really sucks, I miss performing so much.

5. I have clammy hands. The scientific name for it is hyperhidrosis, and yes I looked it up in hopes of finding some way to get rid of it. It's extremely annoying to the point where I'm scared to hold hands with anybody or shake people's hands when I meet them because I don't want to leave a bad impression.

6. I get along with guys much better than girls. I'm not that girly to begin with, I don't have a high pitched voice, and guys just have so much less drama. I usually have several good close girlfriends and several different groups of guys that I like to hang out with, although for some reason its reversed since I got to BC. Gotta work on that one, haha.

7. Loyalty and dependability are two of the most important traits that I value in a friend. If you don't have both, you probably won't get very far on my friend list.

8. It bothers me when people refuse to tip, or tip very cheaply. It's like an extra few dollars, I don't get what the big deal is. I guess related to that, I just don't like it when people treat workers very meanly, no matter if its a waiter, bus driver, or store clerk.

9. Since BC has no greek system, I legit don't know anything about frats and sororities. I try to pick it up, but when my friends tell me about omegas, lambdas, gammas, deltas, or whatever random greek letter I usually don't really know what's going on, and just nod and pretend I do haha.

10. I loooove music. Courtesy of my very diverse music freak friends, I have everything from techno to country to underground rap to top40 songs. My favorite is either electro or songs with great female vocals, but I like to give everything a try :)

11. Everything I do is pretty deliberate and thought out to achieve my own personal goals, including the way I word my sentences. Although of course there are moments where I just don't think, but in general I know exactly what I'm doing. Maybe life would be more fun if I didn't think so much, but it'd also be a lot more up and down. Dunno which one I would prefer.

12. Two things I really regret are quitting piano when I was young and not sticking with dance when I started taking lessons at age 3. I would be amazing at dance right now if I hadn't quit, and I would also be amazing at piano...I wish haha.

13. I have strange sleeping habits. I used to sleeptalk/walk, my dad would wake up to noises and see me standing in the hallways and put me back to bed haha. I also have super vivid dreams that come in sagas and sometimes continue the next time I fall asleep. In the more recent years, I've started lucid dreaming, where the things I'm thinking about turn into what I dream about, but it's a light sleep where I can still hear the things going on around me and can wake up at any time I choose. If not, then sometimes I can control what happens in my dreams :)

14. On a somewhat related note (but not really) I was supposed to be born on Halloween, but was born a week late. Ironically, growing up Halloween was my least favorite day ever, I would always be scared shitless at night. Up until I was around 10 or so, I had a nightmare every year on Halloween to the point where I was scared to go to sleep the night of. I had some repeat nightmares, and some involving my sister the vampire.

15. Connected to that, my sister used to jump out at me from doorways as I walked down this long dark hallway in our house and scream I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD. She once chased me around in broad daylight around our backyard until I hid in a corner and cried. I was deathly afraid of vampires to the point where i used to sleep with my blankets bunched up around my neck so nothing could bite me in my sleep. I think this thing about vampires has caused some sort of twisted fascination with vampires and necks and what not. I also still hate horror things.

16. Also connected to that, my relationship with my sister is very interesting. She used to abuse me mentally because I abused her physically and my parents wouldn't let her hit me back. She used to call me her pet monkey, once tripped me so I flew into the counter at home and the chair fell on my head, and there is also the almighty Sailor Moon story. However, once she got to college and started drunk dialing me, I think we became friends. I like it better this way :)

17. I love the outdoors. Giant bodies of water are #1 (the beach, rivers/streams/lakes, the Stevens Creek Reservoir), but just generally anything green or blue is gorgeous to me.

18. I like to bake and clean when I'm stressed. I actually kind of just like to clean in general, I have this massive urge to clean my guy friends' rooms whenever I go over.

19. I generally have a very high tolerance for things and people. However, when I'm pissed, I am furious. Although once it passes, I'm all good. I try not to hold grudges, usually they're not worth it.

20. I like to read and write for fun. I miss taking writing and lit classes here...I like math and science too but not enough to take it for fun since I tested out of core.

21. I like my body and the way I look. I don't understand it when girls who are clearly skinny insist that they are fat and then proceed to monitor everything they eat. Just eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full and don't snack in between?

22. After I finish with school I want to travel, live in New York or abroad for several years each, but my heart will always stay in California <3. I want to grow old and die there.

23. A good conversation can cheer me up like no other. Talking, drunk talking, high talking, whatever. I enjoy them all :) In the same vein, I like to listen and give advice.

24. I love to help people, to the point where I screw myself over to make them happy. This used to be a huge problem at the beginning of high school, but then when I resolved to be less nice I became bitchy, and now it just kind of bounces back and forth. It's a neverending battle to find balance.

25. I'm pretty blunt and honest. If you can't handle it, sorry. I don't like this beating around the bush thing, and I think it's stupid to not be real, or even honest to yourself. I'll get less mad if you just tell me than if you hide it and I find out later.

Back in Class

2009-02-03T08:57:00.000-08:00

So a quick disclaimer...
What I write on my blog is how I feel at that very moment. When I post at 6:19 in the morning, you can bet that there is definitely a legit reason that I am awake and that I am not going to be feeling too great. That's not to say I don't appreciate the comments...They really do make me feel a lot better, and maybe even a little bit silly about giving in to whatever negative feelings I'd been having and not putting up a better fight. But like I always say, things will be okay and everything looks better after a few hours of sleep in the morning light.

But anyway, there are a few good concerts coming up that I am dying to see. First off, Rockapella and Sara Bareilles are in Boston the weekend of the 20th, and then OK Go, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Vienna Teng, Katy Perry, and Simian Mobile Disco are all coming around this semester as well. I'll probably pass on the Britney Spears and Katy Perry, and Vienna Teng is in Sommerville, MA so, due to my super extensive knowledge of New England geography (LOL) I need to do some more research on whether that's even accessible to a car-less college student like me. But as for Simian Mobile Disco....I would absolutely LOVE to see them. However, nobody here listens to electronica or trance/techno.. which slightly saddens me. All the music here played is either like emo-alternative whiny stuff or like trashy hip hop and the top 40. SIGH. How disappointing.

Okay, so today's class isn't that bad I guess. Despite how boring he is, he does these little experiments and tries to break up classtime...and during these periods of time class is interesting I suppose. Right now we're doing some experiment to see how fast neurons can work, by having a row of people hold on to the ankle of the person to their right, and letting go when the person on their left pokes them haha. This is very amusing.
EDIT: I take that back, he just spent 10 minutes going over what a mean, median, and mode are

Also, I am going to be so swamped from now until spring break. Also, not a good week to be PMS-ing, but I don't think my body is kind enough to let me pick when. Also, its never a good week to PMS. So this week lots of culture show practice, meeting club families for dinner and a pre-dinner for the freshmen retreat I'm going on this weekend, which means I will get no work done this weekend. Although I'm supposed to get back early sunday afternoon, there is a Sexual Chocolate (our male step team...a show definitely made for females LOL) show in the evening and then culture show practice at night. Next week, culture show is on Friday which means that we're going to have practice a ridiculous number of times over the week. I'm super excited for the culture show afterparty, although the CSA president wants me to go shot to shot with her, since I am the only one out of all of my friends who hasn't made a fool of myself at any party...Slightly worried for my well being that night haha. But I trust the upperclassment to take care of me. But I digress. The week after that is midterms, and then one last painful week until spring break.

I miss home a lot. I usually miss home, but it's a little stronger lately. Maybe since I'm stressed, maybe since there's a snowstorm howling around outside, maybe since I got used to being home again over winter break. But regardless, I miss the sun and the beach, and my friends and my family and my parents. 25 days until I touch down at San Jose!!! I'm sad though, since my sister is in Senegal (a country in Africa, for clarification. Akon is from there! LOL though like I said to her when she told me, dunno if that's something to be proud of hahaha) I won't be seeing her until May, and then she just told me she's applying for internships in New York. :(

Okay, thinking about my sister's internships is making me think about what I'm supposed to be doing this summer, and now I'm stressing out even more haha. ERGH. As a psych major, I want to get started early, but I also want to be around home for my first summer. People have recommended internships, volunteering at hospitals, and getting a job...all of which are very good ideas. As a psych major who is not that interested in research though, I feel like volunteering or interning at a private practice or the psych department of a hospital would be more exciting.

Okay, I don't want to think about it.

Finishing my Thoughts

2009-02-02T03:35:00.001-08:00

So...a continuation from earlier tonight. I had tried to write a positive post, that would reflect on my generally happy belief that everything will be alright, but halfway through shit happened and I no longer felt like being happy whatsoever.

My life feels like a broken record and I'm not strong enough to just pull up that needle and set it down on a new CD. I also don't know how to fix the cracks. There is so much shit going on that I just don't know how to fix, but keep trying regardless. I'm so tired of feeling like everything is my fault, that I should feel guilty for being lucky or having friends, or for never having been clinically depressed or had some traumatic event happen to me. I'm so tired of playing the villain even though I know I'm not, or at least not doing it on purpose. I wish I had my peace of mind back... That was the most stable and happy that I'd felt in a long long time.

Life is easier when you don't get attached to other people.

There are too many things in the past that still twist my stomach into knots (quite literally, my stomach feels like I just took advil on an empty stomach or something right now) and make me almost sad enough to cry. Most of the things I've gotten over, some things I haven't but will, and maybe others are going to scar me for life and in the way I handle future situations.

Maybe, I feel like this because I have been very stressed lately. My days are jam packed until spring break, and I have no artistic outlet in which to pour my frustrations. My friends here, while fun, still can't live up to my friends at home, and a phone conversation or videochat is just not the same as a good face to face hang out. I'm still trying to get the hang of college, still trying to decide if I'm at the right place and doing the right things, and Life is not kind to me when I am confused.

I'm tired of not being happy with who I am or what I'm doing or who I'm doing it with. I just want to be happy, that's all.
It's 6:49 AM. I have class in 3 hours.

Herding Cats

2009-02-02T00:04:00.000-08:00

I blogged earlier about finally finding my peace of mind, of the relief that I had finally felt after a particularly tumultuous weekend. Well, that security has disappeared, shattered in a span of 24 hours that seemed like 2 giant steps back for that big step I finally took forward. And while I would like to say that I can find that epiphany again, those things are hard to come by, and now I just have to pick another way to cope. My thoughts and emotions are like cats; I had them finally caught in a bad and now they have been released, they have scattered like cats on the prowl at night, and for anybody who has literally tried, herding cats is completely impossible (much like making cows walk downstairs, but that's irrelevant).

With each argument though, I think I catch another one by its tail.

But anyway, that's a development that just happened within the half hour. I feel like I've grown up a lot coming to college, even if the people around me don't agree. Personality-wise, I haven't changed much, but first semester was a pretty shitty experience. I had to deal with a lot of things alone, and while this is corny, it did make me stronger....without first semester I don't think I could've had my drunk epiphany haha.

Okay, too many things are happening as I'm trying to write this and I don't know what I want to write about now. Will update later.

Ranting Day, On Accident

2009-01-29T09:20:00.000-08:00

So I am currently sitting in my Intro to Psychology as a Natural Science class, and I must say Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12-1:15 has officially become my most unfavorite part of the week. It's not so much that the content is uninteresting-on the contrary, it's very intriguing to get a biological background for all those silly psychological theories that I learned about last semester. I think I am biased though...The teacher was my advisor during orientation and also during schedule sign ups, and he was completely and utterly useless. He speaks really slowly and stutters, and speaks as if we're 5 and don't understand anything. During signups, he refused to let me type myself, insisting on using his 2 index fingers to slowly tap at the keys while the other students around me speedily entered their courses and got the schedules that they actually wanted. He also refused to let me sign up for the classes that I wanted, saying that they were definitely full and I shouldn't waste my time. UMM. YEAH.

So yeah, aside from the previous dislike, I guess he's not a bad human being. He's nice, he tries to make the lectures funny and he probably actually does know the material he's teaching. The problem lies in his communication of these ideas, using extremely wordy powerpoint slides that he cycles through way too fast for us to write down anything, other times spending much too much time on one slide that explains something that I had assumed was basic knowledge. Basically, he's kind of just a dinosaur.

Okay, I'm done ranting about psych. something else that has been on my mind lately though...Since coming to Boston College I have met a lot of different types of people. Some I've really enjoyed the company of....others...well let's just say I've never met anybody creepier. Now, there is one specific person who actively forces his way into my life, and while it's not so bad anymore, he used to deliberately make me uncomfortable when we were in the same vicinity, to the point that I felt uncomfortable making conversation with others or looking around as I normally do.

Now keep in mind, I am not specifically mean to him either. When he waves hi, I wave back. When he asks me questions, I answer. However, I will not wave excitedly, nor will I answer at length or in great detail. Basically, while I am not mean to him, I am not particularly nice or friendly either. This has caused a lot of our mutual "friends" (if you can call them mutual...) to give me shit for being "so mean" to him. This coming from guys who actively make fun of him to their face, while they think he doesn't know what's going on. This coming from guys who use him as some sort of social joke to provide entertainment for them when they are bored. Aside from the obvious hypocrisy, it also really bothers me that they feel the need to impart their "wisdom" on me.

I tolerate him. I am not too mean. I do not generally ignore his existence. So I've wondered a lot...why should I go out of my way to be nice to somebody who makes me feel like when he looks at me, he is somewhat undressing me with his eyes? I know this reaction is not unreasonable; every other freshmen girl who has interacted with him (he's a sophomore) feels exactly the same. It's as if he feels like since we're younger, we won't realize what a fucking sleazebag he is, and therefore somehow be ignorant to the clear lack of social skills and be swept off our feet or something. Why should I put up with somebody who makes me so unhappy and uncomfortable? People tell me I should be nicer...but basically, why should I be nice to somebody who doesn't deserve this? Now maybe the "kinder" people out there will feel uncomfortable with this conclusion, and feel it necessary to perhaps reprimand me for being a bitch, but honestly? I don't really care. I think my personal comfort (in a reasonable sense) comes first in priority to making other people feel good. And I refuse to tell him that it's okay for him to stalk me and my friends around campus, at parties, and take pictures of us when we're not looking. UGH, whatever, he's a creep.

This class is finally almost over. We're talking about the low asian tolerance for alcohol, and how apparently it's because asians are more likely to have a variant of a gene that metabolizes alcohol into a toxin, therefore leading asians with this gene to drink much less than caucasians, and even other asians. Does this explain asian glow? haha. I'm very hungry, and my stomach is growling extremely loudly...I hope nobody around me can hear it :X I'm actually in a good mood today, I promise. I've just been thinking about these things over the past few days and finally felt like blogging about it haha.

More on my recent confusion and the weather later.

Happy New Years!

2009-01-25T20:18:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Years all! Although I never paid particular attention to this holiday before (except for the red envelopes of course :D), now that I'm far away from home, it seems much more important. All my Asian friends called home today, some are going home for the giant dinners and what not. I guess being in an environment that's so less Asian than I'm used to, I end up feeling a lot more Asian than ever before, if that makes sense. Also, the cute old chinese man at the dining hall cashier said happy new year's to me when I got dinner....hehehe. And my parents like to skype me now :) and they have also found this blog haha. Hi mom, hi dad.

So...Boston College is kind of a shit show. If I choose not to drink, then I end up witnessing the drunk messes that I usually run by on Friday and Saturday nights. Which is entertaining, I guess. Until the girl next to me on the bus throws up. Until I'm tired. etc.etc. Drinking too much does make me really tired; I don't particularly enjoy hangovers, although I don't think anybody does. Just an interesting note...I guess there's not much else to do in Boston haha. And it's WAY too cold to be running around outside.

On a side note, I watched a Pink Floyd synchronized laser light show last Friday in the city...which was AMAZING. I mean, of course everybody in the planetarium had a little help being happy, but the show was really ridiculous. They played the entire dark side of the moon album, and we shot through space, and honestly, it was great. If anybody reading goes to Boston, you should go check it out at the Museum of Science. They also have this cool mythical creatures exhibit that I kind of want to see...hehe. I'm a nerd at heart.

Also, I never really noticed the impact that dance and choir had on me. Until I started teaching this dance haha...shh. I guess that I am really conscious of my body and its parts, and the way I move? If that makes any sense haha. I can tell when my body feels really awkward and how to fix it (which I thought was normal, but I've received proof otherwise haha). I can imitate a pose or move rather easily, and I listen to music more carefully. I can pick up key changes in songs, mimic them, and I guess my general "musicality" is above average? or I hope so at least. Anyway, I don't really know how to describe the specific effects, but I am very thankful for the way that dance and singing changed me :)

ALSO, a dilemma. SO I've always had an appreciation for nice kicks (thanks a lot, george. haha) and I wanted a pair of high top nike dunks. I picked out the one I like, and looked around for the cheapest, and found an Ebay-esque site that had it for $60, which obviously excited me since its like $100 everywhere else. I clicked purchase to see how much shipping and tax was, and APPARENTLY ITS A BINDING CLICK, so regardless of the fact that I had not given payment info, since I created an account in order to see the complete cost, I was now "legally bound" to pay for the shoes. So regardless of the fact that I was about to buy it from a different site, I'd bought this one on accident instead. Which I thought was okay at the time, but several days later i realize...
1. the user is from china
2. somebody else had asked if the shoes were real, and he had commented on their personal pages saying no.
SO UMMMM. WTF. too late, he's shipped them, and will only give me a partial refund ($30) if i ship them back to china (which is another $20-30), so itd basically be like $60 down the drain, plus another $90 for the legit pair. SO WHAT DO I DO?? I really don't want to rock fake dunks, and i REALLY want a nice pair of sneakers (nobody here wears vans!! :( Guess it's a coastal thing) but I don't want to waste so much money... :(

On a more serious note, coming back to Boston I've had to readjust. I honestly get along with guys a lot better than girls...and thus the groups of friends I had back at home were all guys and I had separate good girl friends from everywhere else. Here, it's the complete opposite. I have a few group of girl friends, and a few good guy friends in between. Now, I'm not saying that I don't like the girl friends I have, but seriously, it is too much estrogen. I miss guy humor. I miss video games. I miss the chill vibe, no drama, no screaming, no crazy antics. SIGH. Still on the search for good friends in general....I forget a lot that the people that I'm leaving in California, that I had at least 4 years to handpick them. Connections like that don't appear in a semester.

I miss the sun, I miss a lot of things but I'm still going to be okay. :)

Unclenching My Fist

2009-01-20T10:47:00.000-08:00

This past week has been completely unexpected. A lot of things have happened that I never saw coming, and even more that I did. Regardless, I have come to several conclusions about my life and life in general that I am going to try extremely hard to hold onto. First off, everybody needs to grow up, and everybody deserves a chance to do it on their own. No matter how much I would like to stand there and wait for them, growing up is a personal journey that requires its own space, and sometimes that means alone. Secondly, somehow in the course of the past year or so, I forgot myself. I forgot some of the most basic guidelines that I have always tried to follow, and I forgot that in the end, I will always be okay. I do not really like change; I go along with it because I realize that it is inevitable, but god damn it if I don't like it I am going to fight it every step of the way. But I also forgot when to let go. I did stupid things, I did smart things, and even if this seems to be too fast to be possible, I am okay again.

I am not saying I will be okay forever. This is not permanent in the least, and I have a lot of up and down moments both, where the ups seem too good to be true and the downs seem like they will never end. I still wish things had ended differently, wonder if they had to end at all. I still wish, but I no longer hope that things will go back to the way they were, nor that I will be able to control every single factor leading to the conclusion. Time are a-changing! But I'll take what I can get, and I'm trying my best to move on.

Feelings are hard to describe.

On a much bigger scale, I watched the inauguration (along with millions of other people) and I have to say, I'm pretty impressed. I missed the music acts unfortunately, and I thought it was funny when Obama/Roberts messed up on the oath, but the latter half of the speech was quite moving. My favorite quotes I think are "Your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy" and also "We will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist". I'm optimistic but realistic as well. I think everybody deserves hope, but there is still a lot to be done.

And here, as promised, are pictures of the beautiful Boston College Campus:

Signing off, hopefully more mature than I was last week.

Today

2009-01-18T00:49:00.000-08:00

Today is day one of the rest of my life.

And I refuse to not make the most of it.

Back in Boston

2009-01-13T18:44:00.000-08:00

So I'm back in beautiful Boston after a good flight (half the plane seemed to be Boston College kids, 5 of which I knew :D), which has been covered with a glistening blanket of snow in my absence. It's gorgeous here any time of year really, quite enjoyable if I must say. I'm not quite used to that giant snowbank right outside of my window yet; I still keep thinking that when I look out it'll just be fields of dead grass haha. It's not that cold here so far, but it's supposed to plunge down to 0 degrees sometime this week...apparently it hasn't been this cold since 2005, so my Boston friends inform me. This is such a huge jump from the 60s (now 70s, so my California friends inform me) from the bay area or the ridiculous 80s of Long Beach during my connecting flight. I like the snow, for now at least. You can ask me again in a month. I will include a picture once I find my camera charger, or until the new one I bought arrives.

So since Boston College is Jesuit-Catholic, the week of Easter we get Thursday-Monday off. Because of this extra break, my spring break is earlier than every other school's, happening the first week of March. My spring break is in a month!!! Isn't that ridiculous? I land in San Jose on the 28th of February...LOLZ. But yeah, since nobody else (besides the furious) is going to be in Cupertino, I'm flying down to SD & LA for the 2nd half of the week to see friends :) I'm so excited!!!

UMMM...School starts tomorrow. I'm really not doing anything besides online shopping to waste time...Something I shouldn't be doing anyway since I spent probably around $500 in December on presents and clothes, but that's okay!! Chinese New Years is soon >:] hehehe. I guess being back at school is kind of nice, and my roommate cleaned her room for the first time since summer so my room feels more spacious than ever. I will also have to get used to not having a TV again...It feels like my break was either out with friends or in front of the TV with my laptop and some snacks haha. I've never watched that much tv before in my life.

Unfortunately, along with Boston came the news that one of my extremely good friends here, let's call her S, is transferring to Cornell next year :( She got in along with Boston College, but opted for the one further away from home (she lives in New York). However, BC is just too expensive for her parents and many of my other friends. The college she's transferring into in Cornell is associated with some state school, and she will also be getting much more financial aid so she'd be paying a state school tuition for an Ivy League education. This makes me incredibly sad- While I now know a lot of people here, there are not that many whom I hope I will stay close to for the next 4 years. For a lot of people, they still seem stuck in that high school mode; lots of drama, shit talking, and inconsideration. I'm almost scared to make friends; another cool person I know is supposedly transferring to Columbia next year as well. However, Boston College is what it is, and a $50,000 price tag is a bit much, especially since they are quite stingy with financial aid. I will miss S greatly :(

So ummm, a summary of break. Well as previously stated, tv and friends, and lots of sleep. I started going to the Verde in Castro after the one by quiznos closed down :( I realized that it simply is not worth it for me to spend $3 on a drink that I don't even really like that much, and that the drive to Castro is not that long and completely worth a hot steaming cup of verde :D. Went tipsy to a guard competition, lots of beer pong and other things. I think I have ascertained my poison of choice...Maybe that's not a good thing but it's nice to know I guess haha. I'm at my limit anyway, no more experimenting with new sunstances. But anyway, my BC friends tell me I got skinnier and paler, both of which make no sense.

Also, I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but my friend asked me to choreograph a dance for the annual CSA/KSA Culture Show, which I agreed to do. So I'll be doing the chinese fan dance. I sat at my computer for a couple hours today browsing youtube videos of traditional chinese dances looking for inspiration and a good song, both of which I found. I also used GarageBand for the first time today to edit the song!! Which was very fun and satisfying haha. But I digress. I miss dance. A LOT. I miss chinese dance, I miss modern, lyrical, maybe even ballet. I miss my daily dose of endorphins, I miss being flexible, I miss losing myself in movement and music.

I guess, I miss the opportunities to do whatever I love without having to be a superstar. I want to sing and dance, and do volunteer work, all without having to beat out 100 other hopefuls for maybe 2-3 spots. As a result of this yearning and asking around, I resolve to make use of the empty studio on main campus to dance my heart out whenever I want, and also the soundproof piano-equipped booths in the music building to belt at the top of my lungs without feeling self conscious (dorms have very thin walls, I have learned). I refuse to lose the things that make me happy.

There are a lot of other things I wanted to blog over the last couple of weeks...I was just too lazy to write a legit post instead of just a paragraph about one thing, but now that I've forgotten all of them and this has become a monster post, maybe I should start doing that..hahah.

Break is Fun

2008-12-28T20:59:00.000-08:00

So there hasn't been much of anything productive done lately, since I got back from Tahoe. Not that I'm complaining mind you, but I guess there just isn't really anything to do in little old Cupertino. I had quite an enjoyable Christmas, barely made it through the after-Christmas sale, and ingested lots and lots of pearl milk tea and other types of unhealthy greasy foods. Today was a rather failed exursion with my family too...We were planning to go to the De Young Museum in the San Francisco Golden Gate Park, but there were SOO MANY PEOPLE. The streets were packed in all directions and there was no parking to be found whatsoever :( And then we tried to go to Filoli mansion (shout out to choir kids!) it was closed. OH WELL.

Also, something I noticed while sitting in the car for 2 hours today...All the popular songs on the radio these days don't even have real WORDS! Take Pink's "So What", where the well known line is "Na na na na na na na". Or "Disturbia" by Rihanna, which is "Bum bum bee dum, dum dum di dum dum". OR, that ridiculous T-Pain song, "I wanna make love right na-na-na", or also that song about policewomen that I actually have no idea what the title was or who sings it...if that can even be defined as singing. SIGH. Music is ridiculous.

Thanks to the holiday break, USA has given me one of the best presents ever. There have been all day HOUSE MARATHONS, which I love love love love love love love. House is seriously one of my favorite shows ever, and the fact that it's on almost 24/7, and when it's not on it's NCIS which is also bearable and somewhat enjoyable, I have almost zero interest in leaving the comfort and warmth of my house and couch and the close proximity to blankets, my laptop, and any and all food. Christmas marathons plus the usual 3 hour run of CSI every day is absolutely great.

Anyway, I have a rather exciting week planned, which I really hope works out as planned. Fun incoming!!!

I Can't Move.

2008-12-22T20:08:00.000-08:00

So I'm home again, this time for a long haul. My flight home was kind of miserable-I flew from Boston to Arizona first, and the flight was already supposed to be longer because we had to fly down to Texas and back up to avoid some jet stream, but the head winds were still like 100 mph, so we ended up landing an hour late anyway. We landed at 9:05, and my flight from Phoenix to San Jose left at 9:05. HMMMMMM. So yeah, hungry, sleep deprived, and cramping, I obtained a rather nice (discounted) hotel room and got some shuteye before taking the next flight back, which was the next morning at 8 AM. SIGH. People are very angry late at night at the airport...haha..

So I was back for a day or two and then my family and 3 friends went snowboarding at Tahoe. We got this cute little cottage about 10 minutes away from North Star and my mom cooked us food :) Snowboarding was REALLY fun...although frustrating and tiring. This was my first time, so I fell A LOT in all possible ways...hence the soreness. My muscles refuse to respond to me. One thing I can't figure out though, why do my shoulders hurt!??

Christmas is tomorrow, which is REALLY ridiculous. I seem to be spending a lot of money on presents this year, even though I'm buying for a lot less people...Hm...Curious. However, tis the season of giving I suppose, and I am boosting our dead economy, har-har. It's also really time to start thinking about what I'm going to be doing next summer. Internship? Learning chinese or teaching english in Taiwan? Getting a job? How scary :( I don't really want to think about it.

In other news regarding my future, I forgot that in college, your GPA is different if you get A- or an A. AND...it sucks. Basically my GPA is a lot lower than I expected it to be, and everybody tells me the first year is the easiest too. AHH what should I do!?!

I ran out of things to say. Merry Christmas!

Melancholy Melodies

2008-12-15T18:52:00.000-08:00

Hi all, I've decided to blame all feelings from this past week to PMS. I know, just an excuse, and maybe that's not really it, but I don't want to hear about it. I've also decided to remedy this by trying to keep myself busy, blasting electronica at dangerously high volumes (into my earphones though, as it is finals week), and writing about it here :)

I'm starting to really like college. And really like, as in I don't want to leave for a month. Really like, as in I don't lie sleepless in my bed every night wishing I could go home. What is home, really? What's at home waiting for me? Thanksgiving was a good dose of home. I didn't want to leave by the end, but being back in Boston for only two weeks is too short. I don't miss home yet. I miss my dog, I miss certain eating places, maybe i miss some people, but not really. Or maybe, the reason I like college is because I don't want to go home.

I don't want to go back to my old life. As fun as that was, it's too up and down, it's too complicated. There are too many things that affect me in ways I'm not pleased with, due to too-complicated relations with too many people. I don't want to have to remember the bad times, because frankly I haven't really had any here at Boston College. College really can be the fresh start everybody wants. The only factor that decides everything, is you and how you go about things. College is the fresh start that I want. I'm getting the chance to start some sort of new chapter in my life with all the things that I wish I knew before, and I'm making damn sure that I'm not fucking things up.

But instead, being home and getting closer to home, there comes an anxious feeling instead. My stomach feels uncomfortable and my salivary glands go into overdrive; not quite the drooling or sickly sweet taste right before throwing up you'd imagine, but somewhere in between. I feel lethargic and slothy, my limbs get slightly tingly and I get unimaginably nervous. Over nothing. I think I know why, and it's a stupid reason. A stupid reason that probably doesn't even exist outside of my overactive out-of-control mind. I don't want to think anymore, so I pull out my trusty headphones and let trippy catchy beats overtake my mind. I can't get over this, and just when I thought I was free I realized I was still in the same stupid confines of my own head.

I want to say that life is too hard as an idealist. I want to believe that it would just be easier to be cynical and therefore never surprised when life disappoints me, but I don't want to give up what happiness I do have for anything. All in all, I want to keep hoping that all of my dreams of pretty things will come true one day, and that life doesn't suck as much as everybody else tells me it does. I want people to pleasantly surprise me when they finally change for the better, I want to be confident that my friends and acquaintances won't screw me over, and I want life as we know it to keep feeding me bits of happiness. Which makes it even harder to be down in the dumps, knowing that this is my choice not to be some unfeeling/depressed robot (Yes, an oxymoron, but go away). But I'm not going to lie, I can't wait until I am happy with everything again.

So until then (or whenever my chemicals decide to balance themselves), I will continue to hide in my Crystal Castles.

Romance??

2008-12-08T20:22:00.000-08:00

I wish I had a little more romance in my life. No, not love, not people who care, but romance. I guess this is the little girl in me talking, but it'd be nice to get flowers every once in awhile, to be taken out on a nice date on some Friday or Saturday night, or for anniversaries to actually matter. Or just somebody who's willing to watch Twilight with me, ha-ha. No, I'm not crazy for it but it's one of those romantic love stories that somehow has become a staple for every girl...although I am worried that the movie would ruin the book. I really liked the first book, but as for the others....not so sure, haha. But I digress...for real this time.

I know that this is a lot to ask; what kind of boy LIKES to spend money for something that seems unnecessary, and there are not many out there who have a romantic bone in their bodies. For most of the general population, romance has been beaten into their heads since birth instead, and everybody knows that those types of lessons never last. Like I've said before, despite my general practicality, I am still a romantic on the inside. However, I also acknowledge that this is something that is difficult to obtain, that the grass is always greener on the other side, etc.etc. Also, it is college and long distance is another giant obstacle that needs to be overcome.

I want to have my hand held in front of his friends. I want to feel like I'm making a difference in his life, and not only when I'm around. I want to not take him for granted, I don't want to be taken for granted, I want to be secure about everything, I want to forget the past.
But again.

Life is good, I have nothing big to complain about that is either of our faults. Distance is not even that bad, I guess. We get through it. There are many more ups than downs, and nothing is wrong. It's just that sometimes when I sit for too long and my mind wanders, I let myself wish for a little more than I have. I am happy though, and I know that the moment will pass.

However, if I had to say, this is my biggest compromise.

I Want a Fainting Goat

2008-12-03T17:08:00.000-08:00

So everybody around me is freaking out like crazy over finals....Why I'm not I'm not quite sure, but I just can't seem to induce a panic attack by myself. Except when I wake up from a nightmare, like last night. I've done absolutely nothing today except get the notes I missed, and that was a massive fail too. So I typed up the notes along with another day's notes where I had written them into a wrong notebook, printed them out, and pasted them into the notebook. EXCEPT. I PASTED THEM BACK INTO THE WRONG NOTEBOOK. SO BASICALLY, I JUST FAILED. Ripping them all out and repasting them back into the RIGHT notebook = 1 stick of glue....I am now in dire need of adhesives.

So since I have nothing to do and I do not follow Stylista, which the rest of my floormates are watching, I shall entertain you all with interesting things that have kept me amused over the past 5 hours or so. Also, have you all seen Britney Spears' new video for circus? I have to say, I am extremely underwhelmed. The idea of a circus is a really good metaphor for Hollywood and also led to very cool set designs and what not, but I am rather disappointed in Brit Brit herself. She really seems to have lost that spark; her dancing is lackluster, there wasn't much dancing in general, and I was just BORED by the video. I'm really cheering for her, but she's not giving me much to work with.

My sister also recently posted a youtube link on my wall that led me down the path of fond childhood memories and ridiculous anime. That's right, I'm talking about Sailor Moon. This shit is OLD, but good. I remember we bought all the Japanese comic books too even though we couldn't understand them, just so we could look at the pictures. One thing that baffled me even back then though, is why don't the bad guys ever run away!??! Whenever Serena started to use her barrettes and sceptars of awesomeness, the villains always just stood there screaming for 5 minutes while the energy beam slowly made their way over to kill them.

Also, a brief digression...This is kind of embarrassing but as long as I'm entertaining you guys might as well go all the way. When we were small my older sister would always get to pretend to be Sailor Moon while I was relegated the role of the cat or some other similarly miniscule role. One afternoon, she told me that she was REALLY Sailor Moon...which even in my 6 or 7 year old mind I pronounced as bullshit, but she swayed me after many minutes of convincing (more like 5). She told me that that night was the Midnight Ball and she was going, and obviously I fell to my knees and begged and pleaded for her to take me too, which she agreed to grudgingly. She told me to wake her up at midnight and she would open the magic portal and take me to the Midnight Ball...the rest of the day passed slowly but normally. Now at this time we were remodeling our house, so our entire family slept in the same room. My sister was on the top bunk while I was on the lower and my parents slept on their giant bed which was pushed up right next to ours. So we go to bed, and midnight comes and my eyelids spring open as if an alarm was ringing in my ear. I proceed to climb over my dad to try to wake up my sister on the top bunk, which of course wakes him up, which wakes up my mom, and they ask me WHAT in the world I am doing. All this commotion FINALLY wakes up my sister, who slowly realizes what's going on and proceeds to laugh hysterically for the next couple of days....or months....or years. This is a sample of what my childhood was like.

Speaking of my sister, she uploaded pictures of our dog recently. And for those observant enough to notice, yes, she is very into photography so the photo is of extremely high quality (as it should be, as she is using a $560 lens). Also, I guess that wasn't really a digression up there since I never went back to my original topic, but oh well. I digress again.

This is my dog. He is the cutest thing I have ever seen.

Also, to further amuse you all, here is a picture of the Mexican Walking Fish. According to Webecoist.com, "The Mexican walking fish is on the verge of extinction. It’s a caecilian (more about that in a bit), and it lives in - where else? - the waters off Mexico." I think it looks like a pokemon.

And saving the best for last (I'm lying, I liked these things all equally), I present to the the Fainting Goat. Also according to Webecoist.com, apparently they were bred as decoys to save the more valuable sheep from the preying wolves. That's kind of depressing to think about, but now they are also loved for their novelty and kept as pets :)

That is all. I hope you have all enjoyed this post.

Home Sweet Home...?

2008-11-30T12:24:00.000-08:00

I've loved being home. I like that when the sun is out it actually means it's warm, I like that I can go into the forest or up to the mountains anytime I want, and I also extremely like my car. Oh, my friends too. But maybe I came back for too long. 9 days is long enough for people to get sick of me, and vice versa sometimes as well. While everybody may deny this and say, nobody got sick of anyone! during this week, their body language and attitudes say differently. While they become my first priority, I am shuffled lower and lower down the list, and all of this time managing leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth and my returning insomnia. Other people we know we should see, but forget to call or try to avoid, because after all we're coming back in 2 weeks anyway. This makes me wonder-what type of relationships are these when it's only good when I am 3000 miles away? After not being able to see these people I care about for 3 months, you would think that we would all have a higher tolerance for each other, or at least we would value our time more. But I guess not. Winter break is going to be a trying time, I can already tell.

My flight is in 11 hours, and I guess I am ready to go back to Boston. Sure, I'll miss the sun and what not, but in the end college seems so much more simple. You are who you present yourself to be, not who they've already dissected and observed in the past. Small things are small things, get involved with them as you may wish. Despite the infinite number of creepers, there are still a few people I'd like to see again and missed this week.

Moving on, Boston here I come!
On the bright side, it's not snowing yet.

HOME SWEET HOME

2008-11-24T00:33:00.000-08:00

SO I am back under the beautiful California sun, and I fucking love it. My flight back was okay, JetBlue has personal TVs which is super cool and I slept through half o the flight. A little kid sat behind me though...not too good. Being at home is really weird though-It feels like college didn't happen at all and that it was all a dream. Everything else seems so far away? I know I missed a bunch of stuff this weekend (parties, events, etc.) but oh well. I don't know why, but everything seemed shorter too when I first got back. I thought I grew taller, but everybody else just laughed at me so I guess not :(. But yeah, being home is good. Drivers are not crazy, the sun is actually warm, the toilet paper is softer, my bed is more comfortable. It's weird using a PC again, and I also don't have a problem with falling asleep anymore! Something that plagued me terribly in Boston.

Home is pretty quiet right now since most people don't get back for a few more days, but that's okay. The love and the furious are both still around, so there's always something to do. Verde closed down, depressingly, but that's okay. ALSO, I gained no weight in college and then I came home and gained a few pounds. WHAT? Also, I have this great urge to go shopping and buy shitloads of things...namely cute winter jackets and the like :) We shall see how effective my self control is over the next few days. I'm definitely avoiding the crowds on Black Friday though.

I have a sty in my eyes and it fucking hurts...ONE IN EACH EYE TOO. It's really uncomfortable and I don't know why, but my eyes are super watery and stuff lately too, which makes me rub them which then leads to the sties (really weird plural word). ARGH it hurts to blink!! :(

I have jetlag. I am very tired.

On the Way Home

2008-11-21T14:19:00.000-08:00

So I am currently sitting in Terminal 11 of JFK international airport, waiting for my 7 hour flight to finally get back home. Yay for JetBlue Hot Spots and free Wi-Fi!!! And also for going home...:) I am however exhausted...Last night I went to bed at 1:30 and couldn't fall asleep until 5:30. I lay awake and restless until 4 AM, at which point I rolled out of bed to chat with some other nocturnal friends until 5:30, at which point i collapsed back into bed before waking up around 8:30 for my 9 AM class. SIGH. As a result I am kind of in that so tired I'm awake stage....everything is very clear vision wise and there is a sort of pulsating in the back of my head, but NO WORRIES. I'M ALMOST HOME.

More thoughts about sleep, Asians at BC, and home coming up soon.

More Procrastination

2008-11-17T20:30:00.000-08:00

So I just got an email from my professor saying that my 9 AM class is cancelled tomorrow....Needless to say, I am extremely pleased. Apparently my floormates and some people outside could hear me cheering, but they are just party poopers. As a result, all productivity has halted and i am sitting here writing an entry as I wait for my Easy Mac to cool. Oh, how I love you Easy Mac :) Once, my roommate said to me, "You eat that stuff like it's your job"...HAHA. whoops.

I have discovered a new feature on Blogger (thanks to an icon of green people saying 1 follower! which was Neri) that apparently we can follow other blogs now...much like Subscriptions on our dear friend Xanga, I would say. How useful! So if my last fooling arounds on Blogger didn't alert you to your secret stalker, now the green icon will.

My weekend was rather exciting-I watched Quantum of Solace on Friday with my floormates, and went to the football game and partied with the basement guys on Saturday. Sunday was spent on math hw, which took 4 hours (I haven't spent that long on math since like Freshmen year...) and one of my essays. Quantum of Solace is really quite an excellent film. Although many hard-core Bond fans will be disappointed, as it is not a typical Bond movie, Daniel Craig is still one BAMF. And the action doesn't disappoint either...So lesson, just watch it as a great action film.

I have a lot of work to do this week, partly cancelled out by and also caused by the fact that I am going home on FRIDAY!!! Basically, I called my mom and begged her to change my ticket home from Wednesday afternoon to Friday afternoon, and now I have a full 9 days to bask in the Cupertino sunshine :D. I am ridiculously excited by this fact, so excited that I guess I can overlook the 3 chapters of psych and book I need to read, the 3 2 papers I have due (just finished one 2 hours ago! YAY) and the math assignment, all due by Thursday. I suppose it's not that bad, I just have to focus.....says the girl waiting for Gossip Girl to load. I am sooooo SOOOOO sooooooooo excited to finally be going home.

Other side notes....
-I love Boston as a city
-I wish I was watching Vampire Weekend on 12/7, but alas there are no 2 tickets left
-a lot of people here are really inconsiderate and undependable....sad, and I would elaborate, but I am in a good mood and don't want to think about it
-I bought furry moccasins and slippers and a hat from target...I am extremely excited to get them
-it is freezing in Boston...and predicted to snow next week

Stalking and Procrastination

2008-11-12T22:08:00.000-08:00

So I realized that I read a lot of people's blogs, some of whom probably don't realize that they are being stalked. Not that I'm creepy, but I noticed this really cool blog thing that everybody else had that listed who they followed, and of course then I wanted one too, but then I realized that getting one reveals how many people's lives I consistently read about.....

Not that I'm creepy, or that I try (which I don't, I promise) but I think I found all of these blogs as a result of some homesick night and random linking from Tiffo's blog. I guess it's just nice keeping up with thoughts of people in situations very similar to mine, and just makes me less homesick knowing that I'm not the only one missing home and 300(o) miles away. But basically, a reiteration...I'm not creepy, just curious. And everybody I stalk, I like to think that I kept a positive rapport with during high school and that we talked at social events, even if it was not that often and even if they don't agree...not that I would know if they don't, haha.

So um...yeah...the secret's out I guess. Hello friends??

Also, this layout is driving me nuts because it's not wide enough to accommodate all the things I want...SO I'll be changing that too.

EDIT:
okay, I think I fixed it.

Whoops.

2008-11-11T21:28:00.002-08:00

Shit, I had this really witty blog post (topic) planned out in my head as I was riding the bus, but then I forgot.

BIG Update!!

2008-11-09T13:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I haven't updated in awhile, sue me. Wait, don't because I am a poor little college kid. But really, this past week has been ridiculously busy so it's not my fault. On a side note, I have been dubbed tetris queen in psych class. Heh. Okay, I'll retell my life chronologically.

1. I saw Of Montreal at the Orpheum Theatre on the 30th!!! And truly, they are amazing. So I pregamed a little too early and almost passed out during the opening act, Gang Gang Dance, but Of Montreal was invigorating! Gang Gang Dance is good too, really creepy sounds (which...I love. hehe) and the female singer was haunting. Of Montreal's set was so great. They are seriously so absurd and funny, and in the middle of the show they brought out a vegan cake for one of the band's members :) And the entire theater sang happy birthday to him!

2. Halloween! My floormates dressed up as ball players, or gold diggers (aka their hos :P) and I was the ref! We stayed in our dorms for a bit, took pictures and ran around the building visiting friends. Some guys from the second floor were Arnold, Gerald, and Quailman!!! They were very cute running around together :) Of course, there were a ton of Jokers, not many very well done though. We travelled over to main campus around 11 at which point I left my floormates and hit up a dance party with my other girlfriends, which was fun but SO NASTY!!! It was ridiculously hot and the sweat even CONDENSED so it dripped on me as I sat on a couch. GROSS. Despite some minor problems that carried over into the weekend, the night itself was a success I suppose.

3. They offered flu shots on campus on Wednesday, so I excitedly tried to get one...and after waiting in line for almost an hour, I get to the front and I can't get it because I'm not 18 yet, even though my birthday was in 2 days. Fuck my life.

4. My birthday was on Friday!! and I am finally 18, and it feels GREAT. The happiness started around 10 PM the night before because I just decided to not do any work and clean my room and move around the furniture. Okay, that's kind of weird but doing that always puts me in a great mood, even when I was small. I used to clean my room/move around my furniture when I couldn't sleep at night haha. And I got a few really thoughtful presents and my parents sent me balloons and a cake!!!! Which was really cute. :) I performed at an open mic night, which was really amazing b/c of all the ridiculously talented people, and then we went clubbing! Which was fun until we got kicked out, ahaha. I feel like there's some stuff I should think about about that night, but I'm just not going to haha.

5. NOTRE DAME GAME. The rivalry is pretty fun and interesting, especially all the anti-ND shirts that were being sold. It was raining on and off throughout the night, but the game was actually really fun to watch!! Maybe because it was a really short game, but I didn't really get bored. Our last football game!! I'm glad we won though :)

Okay, so my hell week is over. Some other interesting points...Election Day!! I wish I was in California for this election, but oh well. I think this election divided our country in terms of rivalry between Obama/McCain supporters, but hopefully the outcome and his actions can unite us. I got a 92 on my history midterm!! Woot.

I don't know what to think about the people here at BC yet...Definitely, there are people I love to death, but there are others that display certain traits that make me iffy about them. Maybe it's the result of being at a "rich" school, but a lot of people here have been raised so that they never have to think about the consequences of their actions. Or, I don't know if that's right, I can't necessarily blame their parents or their lifestyle...Maybe they are just the more irresponsible and undependable type. Which sucks, because I need people around me that I can rely on.

I'm so excited to go home.

Tetris Jesus

2008-10-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

A funny story:
So I brought my Mac to class for the first time 2 days ago, and proceeded to play tetris all period. The two guys sitting behind me were watching me play, and apparently in awe of my tetris skills because at one point I was about to die, one guy said, "Oh dude it's over" and then the other one responded with, "No dude, just watch. She's like Jesus" HAHAHA. That made my day :)

Problems, Retreat, and General Updates

2008-10-27T17:23:00.000-07:00

The past week has been rather intense, but in a good way. I had a history midterm on Wednesday so my Monday and Tuesday were full of studying...I even skipped Monday night beer pong!!! However, I hope I did well...I didn't not know anything but my essay was a little scattered, so we'll see when I get it back on Friday.

I realize that while I have mini-problems with a few of my classes, the only one I truly despise going to is Courage to Know. Now, I accept that this is not true of every student taking this class...but it is mainly because of my teacher. This class is supposed to be a seminar where we discuss social issues in America and otherwise, a sort of use-your-own-experiences-to-have-intellectual-discussions type thing, but my teacher is extremely overbearing and slightly offensive in her attempt to be controversial and prod us into reacting. Also, despite what she says, I do not feel comfortable expressing my opinions in class because she cuts me off and proceeds to tell me that what I think is incorrect and that I am just too close-minded/negative/cynical/naive. Those who know me know that I love to talk, I love having good thought-provoking conversations whether one-on-one or in a classroom setting. So, in order to make me afraid to talk and refuse an opportunity to discuss an important issue is truly an impressive feat.

But anyway, today she sent out an email saying that our class was slacking too much, saying that "And though it pains me to have to re-address problems that I had believed were behind us...it is once again time for me to send this message out in writing, as a warning, wake-up call, last chance, for those of you who for whatever reason, have not yet understood the significance and the process of being a freshman at a prestigious liberal arts Jesuit university". What the fuck? That's what I thought when I read this message. In no way did it inspire me to work harder, to care more about the class, or to basically like her at all. Her entire email was extremely condescending, referring to those who have "shown yourselves to be exceptional students and human beings"implying, or so it seems, that if you are a bad person in her class then you are a terrible human being.

Simply put, I just don't like her teaching style very much. Perhaps the reason that I don't care for this class is because I simply do not respect her, definitely not as a teacher and maybe not even outside of her occupation. That combined with the fact that it is an hour and fifteen minute long class at 9 AM just means that I do not feel inclined to go at all.

On another subject, I just checked my weather and saw this:

WHAT THE FUCK? YES, THAT SAYS SNOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I guess it's kind of exciting, but I'm expecting my toes and fingers to freeze already. Time to bust out the gloves!

Also, I attended a KSA retreat this weekend (Korean Students Association). No, I am not Korean but I didn't see any reason for that to prevent me from going, especially since a lot of my friends wanted to go as well. We went to this BEAUTIFUL camp called Camp Cody that was situated next to this enormous lake, and the place was really just gorgeous. I really miss wildlife...the lake reminded me of Stevens Creek Reservoir and just kind of made me miss home. But anyway, I digress.

The entire weekend was really emotionally draining as we slipped from one extreme to the next. The E-board (officers) all had really deep stories to share with us, but the nights were really ridiculous and fun. I learned a bunch of ridiculous games (everybody played games anywhere we went, basically any chance they had when they sat down in a circle) and we started the best frog game ever. The more serious side of the retreat manifested itself in discussions of issues and difficulties with being an Asian American and what this means not only at Boston College but also in our extended worlds. Coming from the bay area and a school that was 85% Asian, I had my eyes opened to a lot of things that I had never given much thought to. Also, coming to the East Coast, I think that I am more bothered by racist comments than the rest of my Asian friends here simply because I am not used to it. But that's life right? And the question now is how do I and we react to this? The mini-break from Boston College was much needed though...At the end of the three days I wasn't too ready to head back to the hectic college life yet.

On a side note, everybody at retreat was amazingly talented. So many people could dance, sing, beatbox, and play guitar...and even rap! Amazing!!!

Alas, it is 9:03 PM and I have some reading to do before Monday night beer pong beckons, so I need to get on that. Some last thoughts...The Of Montreal concert is this Thursday!!!! I am so excited to see them live, but I think I would give that up to watch Hard Haunted Mansion in socal this weekend...:( OH Justice and Crystal Castles, how you tug on my heart strings. Also, Halloween is this Friday!!! I am ridiculously excited and hope that my costume gets here on time. My birthday is NEXT Friday, and I'll finally be 18!! After that, just 2 more weeks until I finally get to go home!!!! Oh how I miss the California sunshine <3

Nostalgia

2008-10-19T01:32:00.000-07:00

It is currently 4:32 AM. Why am I awake? I did not drink tonight, I did not go crazy or go out or get dressed all cute or mingle with many people. The most exciting thing I did tonight was attend the football game against Virginia Tech which took place in 30 degree weather, and truly it was freezing. It was very fun to watch though, and we won, so hooray.

It is currently 4:32 AM. I have some songs playing that take me back to the long stretch of Highway 5 with a van full of sleeping friends heading back home after a fun weekend excursion. I just watched a video that takes me back to a dark room in a friend's house, watching a light show in wonder. The voices ooh-ing and ahh-ing and cheering in the video could almost be mine, and I know exactly what it's like to be seeing what they are.

It is currently 4:36 AM. I miss my old life. I miss being able to fuck around all the time and do whatever we wanted to without too much worry for consequences. I miss the group hangouts, the one-on-one talks, the little things about each person that make them unique. I miss driving my car through familiar streets to get some nice pearl milk tea on a cold night. I miss defining cold as some 50 degrees, instead of freezing point. I miss the close proximity of everybody I really cared about, and the fact that we were even in the same time zone at all. I miss my good friends and how I could talk to them about anything without them assuming some undertone that really doesn't exist, or without them judging me for my faults. I miss knowing what I was doing and where I was, figuratively and literally.

It is currently 4:39 AM. I don't know why I'm thinking about this right now...Life at Boston College has gotten drastically better, and I am no longer seriously considering transferring, which I suppose is a good sign. Maybe it's because I'm a lot further from the city than I thought (a 30 minute train ride which closes at midnight) and because I'm even a lot further from the main campus than I thought (on a separate freshmen dorm on the law school campus), but it's harder for me to call this place home. After a pretty terrible first month, things are looking up, but I haven't felt this...strange, in quite awhile. I thought that I had gotten over it, but I guess not. Hopefully it'll fade?

It is currently 4:43 AM. I miss my old life. I guess you could call it high school, as in not the education reference itself but rather that time period. I miss people, special one(s) in particular. Life is not being cruel, this was my choice. Change is inevitable, but even though I try to accept that fact and embrace it instead of hiding, sometimes it's hard. I want my old life back. At this very moment, I would give up the whole dorm college life, partying every weekend, meeting new people, to be singing, dancing, working hard and seeing results, and being with my friends again.

It is currently 4:45 AM. I am going to bed. Good Night.

Campus is Deserted

2008-10-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

So Columbus Day weekend has passed. The past week and weekend has been very good, and even though I didn't manage to make it to all my classes as I'd hope I would (blame the lack of sleep...) I did rather well on one of my midterms and my history paper, and waiting on the others to get handed back. Oh Monta Vista, how you prepared me. To be honest, after taking APs at MV, the classes here are really not that difficult...I mean yeah. I'm doing as much work as I did senior year, maybe even less haha. Oh well! I'm not complaining. This weekend was also really good, just what I needed I think. I'm glad to know that things work themselves out eventually, even though the rest of campus was a fucking ghost town since everybody here is either from New York, Jersey, or just the general Massachusetts area...and everybody went home for the weekend. Nothing was going on at night whatsoever, but at least I had company :)

In other news, I realized recently that I am missing underwear. Not only does this slightly creep me out, but it also pisses me off, kind of. I liked my underwear!! And now I had to go out and buy more that I like much less than my previous pairs, and yeah it's just kind of a hassle. I mean either somebody stole it out of my laundry, or I forgot to get it out of a machine or something...I don't know. How annoying.

Also, something that I've been thinking about ever since we got here...How do we define personal space? On the buses here everybody sits at least with one seat in between each other when the situation permits, and when somebody breaks this rule the poor victim sits uncomfortably for the rest of the ride looking down or towards the front of the bus awkwardly trying to keep their thighs from touching the strangers' or trying to avoid any eye contact whatsoever. This applies to walking too. I have found myself, on numerous occasions, speeding up or slowing down to maintain my personal space, letting people pass or passing others so that I do not find myself walking side by side with somebody who I have never seen before. Also, I am generally not a noisy walker. However, I find that when I am walking alone behind someone, I will shuffle my feet or cough or something to let the person in front of me know that I am there so that they don't turn around randomly at some point and get the shit scared out of them by me, which I think would personally also be an equally traumatizing experience.

On the flip side, sitting by yourself like an island in a class full of 200 people is kind of lonely.

Countdowns to some (fun) things:
2 days to the ice cream social
11 days until the sexual chocolate/synergy show (stepping/hiphop crew :D)
12 days until spring registration for classes starts
16 days until the of montreal concert
17 days until halloween (what should i be!?)
21 days until election day
24 days until MY BIRTHDAY
43 days until thanksgiving break

"Do they, collide? I asked, and you smiled"

2008-10-05T18:41:00.000-07:00

Some things just never really leave you, you know. You think you're over it and then weeks, months, years later you remember and the bad memory just kind of socks you in the stomach all over again, and despite thinking that you didn't care anymore suddenly you're just as angry/sad as the first time it happened. What do I do now? Just sit and wait for it to pass, I suppose, and hope that nothing gets in my way.

On a brighter note, I saw Death Cab for Cutie on Friday!!!! And it was amazing. St. Vincent opened up for them, they sounded a lot like Rilo Kiley, maybe a little bit of Feist? The main singer had a much creepier shrieking voice though. I love love love love Ben Gibbard. He is amazing. except the set was MUCH too short...only an hour and a half so we were out by 10:30 (it started at 7:30). The first half he would play one song off of the new album (which isn't that good) and then one old song, so it was okay. But the second half....SO GOOD. Apparently they're re-releasing Transatlanticism because it's like the 10 year reunion of the album or something, so the second half was all from that first wonderful EP. I'm glad I went! And I got this awesome t-shirt :).

This weekend has been pretty fun, I guess. Many close calls with RAs and cops, but nothing quite as panic-inducing as the first time. I need to improve at beer pong! Harhar, an acquired skill I guess. It's kind of disappointing though when you realize that somebody you really liked isn't quite as cool as you thought, or people display kind of unattractive traits when inebriated...or just in general. Oh well though....:/ We keep looking, I guess. Also, if I had to guess, I'd say that it's not that healthy to sleep at 5 on the weekends and wake up at 2 and then sleep at 1 on weekdays and wake up at 8, but that's just my guess. I love to sleep, what can I say!

3 tests and a paper due this week. I am not very excited. I should be heading into a fun Columbus Day weekend though, as long as I can get my wind back from being punched in the stomach...again. We'll see, but yeah. A day off from school is never a bad thing :).

Ladeeda

2008-10-02T14:44:00.000-07:00

This week flew by so fast! Last week seriously took freaking forever...so annoying. But yeah! Tonight is the first general meeting for KSA, tomorrow is the Death Cab concert, and the weekend should be exciting as well! Yay :) Then, next week is crazy :( 3 tests and a paper due, so I guess I'll just have my share of fun this weekend so I can buckle down and be all hardcore about school next week haha.

I saw the Blue Man Group on Saturday with my family, and I must say it was rather amazing. The musical talent is through the roof, and the show is thoroughly entertaining, albeit a little slow when they disappear into the audience and what not. I won't describe anything in case anybody wants to see it in the future, since this is something that definitely shouldn't be ruined. But...GO SEE IT!

Um, yeah. I don't really have anything interesting to say, harhar. Except that I ordered rainboots and a northface jacket online, and my mom is sending me ramen from home so I'm super excited for all my packages coming in the near future!!! I've been wearing flipflops while it's been pouring and I keep slipping on the sidewalk in really public places, which is super embarassing. I love getting mail anyway so...WRITE TO ME!!! That also reminds me, I was cleaning out my inbox earlier and I saw an email saying Victoria's Secret Shipment Confirmation, and I forgot that the word secret is a part of the store name so I thought somebody was secretly sending something to me, so I got super excited and then really disappointed when I realized...Darn :(

It's October already, and I'm already picking my classes for Spring semester...Time is just flying by, really.

TFGIF

2008-09-26T12:45:00.000-07:00

Thank Fucking God it's Friday. I am really living weekend to weekend here...I don't know why I've lost all enjoyment in weekdays, har-har. But anyway, rain has descended on Boston like the locusts on the ancient Egyptians...that is to say, in a very destructive and annoying way. I really really need rainboots. Good thing it's parents weekend! My parents have flown over from little old Cupertino and Yasmine is coming down from Brown, and we're going shopping tomorrow as a family followed by watching the Blue Man Group, which I am pretty excited for. Sunday we take Yasmine back to Providence, and just hanging around I suppose. I really need a lot of warm winter clothing, and RAINBOOTS. Good lord, how I need them. Fine, laugh at me you weakly Californians...I refuse to sucumb to this weather!

Several random notes from the week:
-Why do hotel pens always work the best? They are smooth, nice rollerball pens, usualy in black, and they are SO nice to write with!!! So why do people spend $500 on really nice pens when I can just steal an excellent one (although probably not equal in quality) from whatever hotel I am residing in for the night? As I thought about this, I was writing with my Holiday Inn pen. Doubletree ones are equally as great, perhaps even better.
-Something that REALLY REALLY annoys me...So in our public bathrooms in our dorms, we have plastic shower curtains, and really high power shower nozzles. Sounds normal, no? NO. When you turn on said shower nozzles, they are so high speed that apparently they create gusts of wind from the water shooting out, and this creates a breeze that affects the shower curtains. As in, while I try to shower, the shower curtain somehow blows towards me and sticks to my legs, which, for anybody who has never had wet plastic stuck on their skin before, is truly a disgusting feeling. And it persists! No matter how many times I bat the stupid curtain back, it blows back, determined to grab onto my legs.
-In lieu of rainboots, perhaps it would be better to just wear flipflops and roll up my jeans. It's not that cold now (it was in the 50s the past week), just wet. So with flipflops, I could just wipe off my feet instead of having wet socks the entire day. Hmmm....

I'm sick and somewhat miserable. I took a day off school and slept for 18 hours, and felt significantly better after that, which is nice I guess. Another problem with not living on the main campus is that I'm just so LAZY to get my ass on that bus to go to class. And, nobody here cares if you miss! Self-motivation is a tricky tricky thing, my friends. And it's too easy to just get the notes from somebody else. Obviously, I am showing up for tests and classes that take role and what not, but honestly? Even in one of my small classes the teacher doesn't know my name. We have 20 kids in this class, come on. I haven't been to a full week of school in awhile...and considering I've been here for a month...

After the first not-so-great month of college, things are looking up. Like I mentioned before, living weekend to weekend is better than living break to break, I suppose. I am rather excited though. My family is here this weekend, I'm watching Death Cab for Cutie next Friday, Of Montreal on October 30th, and hopefully there will be a terrific (I just thought about Charlotte's Web, haha!) Columbus Day weekend too. Many things to look forward to! And if all else fails, there is Thanksgiving break. :) College is finally fun (most of the time), like it's supposed to be.

My Life, Continued.

2008-09-21T12:18:00.000-07:00

So, it has definitely been one hell of a week. And just as I thought things were getting better, crazy nights become too crazy, and I end up talking to cops because my new friend is going to the hospital. I had met her at a bbq earlier in the day and we along with 2 other girls went together to some party on the main campus. It was fun, and it was a dance party, and then she disappeared at a party for an hour or two and we found her drunk as fuck on the stairs as we were leaving. She couldn't stand and threw up everywhere on the way to the bus stop, so the cops saw and took her...She's okay now though, and I'm not getting written up, for anybody who cares.

Last night was fun as well, some nice beer pong before heading into the woods behind my dorm to smoke. So we're sitting in a circle on the ground just hanging out, and we see these two figures coming towards us and we all freak out completely and start sprinting the other direction. However, my friend had dropped her phone when she started running, so we went back to find it, therefore having to talk to the strangers. So it turns out they are holding giant sticks (that looked like spears...) and weren't even students at Boston College, and they wanted to hang out with us for the rest of the night....Keep in mind, it is so dark that I couldn't even see what they looked like. I only remember that the taller guy was wearing a black windbreaker jacket that said boise on the back in white. So the shorter guy is extremely creepy and says things like, "You know all of this simply makes me more desirous to know your names," while stepping forward towards me and the other girl. Yeah, there are a lot of creepers here. Somehow the guys we were with managed to tell them to go away, at which point they turned and walked deeper into the forest...and we spent the rest of the night wondering where our friend had went (he had sprinted away and hopped a fence and then proceeded to disappear) and whether or not they were stalking us and getting ready to kill us. Yeah....

College is insane.
Hopefully though, it will be better for all other college newbies, not as homesick or lonely, and no cops or vomit or severe emotional distress involved. The first month is hard! I can testify to that..but you know, everybody gets through it...or transfers, har-har.

It randomly just started pouring here, and I love it.
Aside from the humidity, i love the weather here in Boston :).
I have cramps, it really sucks, I'm not going to lie.

Also, people make fun of me for saying hella, booo. Honestly, saying something is "hella cool" sounds so much better than saying something is "mad ill"....which is kind of painful to my ears. I've been getting some new music from friends (since I can't download anything here..) and it's nice to get some new stuff in.

Okay, I can't form any cohesive, smooth, or witty sentences. Sorry all, you have to bumble through this. Hopefully, more exciting things will happen in the coming week that I can blog about, or I will have some random thoughts in class that I can put down in a funny and interesting way. Until then, my dears!

What's Going On?

2008-09-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

Somehow, in the past 24 hours, my life has turned into one big fucking soap opera.
I hate it.

At some point, making others happy, doing what you want, becomes overpowering, taking away your overall happiness as some terrible horrible cost. Where is this point? I wish I knew. I wish this didn't happen.

I don't understand, why people do the things they do. I think, if I can resist, if I can do something, then why can't they?

It was morning, and nothing has changed. Nothing is better, I feel exactly the same. Why would you do that? Why would you go and do something like that, to me?
It's so hard to stop shaking sometimes.
What do I do now?

Shit Happens

2008-09-16T15:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, somebody puts a pit of deep shit in front of you twice, and after the first one you don't think it'll happen again, but then you fall into the second one because it was in your path. What do you do now? How the fuck am I supposed to get out of here without getting dirty? What do I do now?

Maybe, it's my fault. I should've watched out for the second one and just saved myself.

Thoughts on Life as of Late

2008-09-13T15:41:00.000-07:00

I am really tired of being labeled. I mean, of course though, if I didnt enjoy the football game it's because a girl and i couldn't possibly care even an ounce about the sport, if I hang out with all asians then we're invading and if I don't hang out with asians then I'm the token asian girl, or whitewashed. This is something that irritates me to no end. Last night, a couple of friends and I (we all happen to be asian, yes) were grabbing some food before a concert and we proceeded to the only 4 seats left in the cafeteria, that happened to be next to a humongous table of asians. as we attempted to sit down, the girl next to us told us that one of the seats were taken, so no big deal, my friend went to find a chair to pull up to the table. As he left, the girl's friend said, "Oh wait they can sit there, our friends can just sit next to us," to which the first girl replied, "Oh, oh well whatever, asians are invading anyway," as she glanced pointedly at the table next to us while gathering the empty box of the highly overpriced shitty sushi that our cafeteria sells, which she probably thought was the best sushi she's ever had in her life.

This is not the first time that this has happened while I was with that group of friends, and I am damn sure it won't be the last. I never knew that this would be a problem here. Our school is actually quite diverse, which I've touched on before anyway, but of course, that just means that asians are invading. White people usually hang out in groups too, and the same with black kids. But if asians do it, then it's suddenly not okay, and we get whispers and not so quiet comments on our ethnicity as we walk through campus. It's fucking ridiculous, and actually really bothers me. It's really sad how in this day and age, at this type of school, that is still a problem. But anyway...

So I didn't make a capella, or dance ensemble, unsurprisingly. Another surprising fact...If you are not amazing at what you like to do, then you have barely any opportunities to do it. Where am I supposed to dance b/c I am not a hip hop star, or a primo ballerina? When can I sing if I did not make a group? Maybe it's just because the things I enjoy are all audition-required here, but I am kind of disappointed. I hope I find somewhere to go, and something to do with all my free time. Maybe this is the time to learn how to play ultimate frisbee, har-har.

On another note, UC kids are leaving soon too. Weird!!! Everybody has had an extra month, and now it's their turn to frantically pack and be nervous and excited and what not. College is not the great perpetual funfest it seems to be, but that does not mean that it is unenjoyable either. Probably just me, but I have been really moody here....maybe not for any particular reason but a mix of several, I think. There was a concert for The Roots yesterday though, which was really fun, except my throat hurt when I woke up this morning, and I did not regain my hearing for quite awhile after we got out. I came back to my room last night after the concert like a good girl so I wouldn't be tired for dance auditions this morning, but tonight is a new night with no obligations tomorrow to keep me in!!! Fun ahead, hopefully.

A Conglomeration Of Thoughts

2008-09-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

Acapella auditions were yesterday afternoon, and I think they went okay. My nerves don't affect me mentally as much, only physically...which is even more embarrassing I think. After the first one, I was shaking so hard and I couldn't stop, even though I didn't feel anxious at all. I wish I could sing in front of people as well as I could dance....but oh well, practice I suppose. We find out about callbacks within the next day or so, and I really hope I make it. I know that acapella is really intense on the east coast, but it is honestly the only thing that I truly want to devote all of my time to, and I don't know what else I could do to fill up my time that would be nearly as enjoyable. Well, news to come!

Our first home football game was Saturday afternoon, and it was miserable. Everybody (including me) thinks the east coast is SO MUCH colder than the west coast, but this is in fact not true. This is another type of heat, the humid sticky disgusting heat of Taiwan, for those who have been there. True, it is 20 degrees cooler than back home, but there is no air conditioning in my dorm and I feel like I am bathing in sweat all the time. But I digress. Saturday afternoon was particularly brutal. The clouds and the air were swelled with even more water, as storms were predicted for the day, but during the football game the blazing sun prevailed. So basically, I stood on unstable silver bleachers squished by hundreds and thousands of other people sweating for 4 hours to watch out team lose. It was a miserable miserable experience. It poured later in the day and my evening was spectacular, so I guess it has nearly erased that memory from my mind.

I realized that although all of my teachers are very amusing and interesting, there are a few that use that as a cover to hide the fact that I'm not learning anything!! Thank you Monta Vista, you have prepared me well. Classes are not that hard here, at all, actually, and I no longer feel satisfied if I am not learning. Okay, fine. I am a bookworm. I like to learn and be intellectually stimulated, and right now I'm rather ridiculously bored because I'm not, in several of my classes. Not that I don't like the teacher, but rather that they are good people, not teachers. I'll have to consider my classes more carefully for next semester, I suppose.

On an interesting topic, not quite triggered by anything...Whenever we get really deeply hurt, we suddenly manage to delude ourselves thinking that what we had done had been good and wholesome and simply misinterpreted. In the onslaught of betrayal or whatever we got, we forget any ulterior motive that was possibly "not right" and sink into self-righteousness, because nobody deserves to hurt like that. We manage to convince ourselves that we did it for them, or we meant no harm, when in reality we just didn't think it through, or knew something was slightly off but ignored it because it was easier. We do anything and everything we can possibly trick ourselves into believing, because with something that cuts this deep, we wouldn't be able to stand it if any part of it was our fault.

More thoughts on life and college to come. I hope I make it!

Chaos on a Lonely Night

2008-08-31T19:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I miss home. That may or may not be because I am pretty much the only one on campus right now and not at some welcome week boat cruise, but nonetheless! I procrastinated getting tickets and then made other plans to explore Boston that fell through because of a ridiculously long dorm meeting and then there were extra tickets but I didn't want to have to rush to get ready because of the aforementioned long meeting. So now I'm sitting at my computer, having watched every person I am possibly acquainted with here walk out to the buses to go on the cruise. OH WELL. I guess staying in for one night isn't like a terrible thing, although tomorrow looks to be kind of slow too...since classes START the next morning!

Something I was thinking about but forgot to blog about during orientation....my parents are WEIRD!! Like they are really absurd people haha. I think as my sister and I have grown up, my parents are allowed to show more personality now and it's kind of weird (my mom more than my dad), although that explains a lot about me and Yas. Case in point, my mom "allowed" my dad to buy a really nice car for his 50th birthday or something, and they came home from the dealership with this really nice 2 door BMW with red leather interior. Now, this thing is sexy, and my parents get in the door and my mom says, "Yeah, I'm driving that." Okay, so my dad is kind of a pushover when it comes to my mom, but yeah. She told us she hates gray and only picked it because of the red. WHAT? Some more examples...(imagine these in broken chinese and just chinese in general)

(while I was taking a survey for freshmen)
me: mom what did I get on the SATs
mom: i don't remember, why?
me: well i need it for this thing
mom: OO make it up and make yourself sound really smart!!

(after I got a flat tire on the way to school)
mom: HAHA the triple A guys' eyes bugged out when I drove up to meet him at your car in the BMW!!
me: ...omg mom.
mom: Yeah he was really impressed and I even flirted with him a little to get the tire change for free
me and my sister: OMG MOM
dad: (quietly eats dinner)

I know there was a moment here in Boston with my dad that when it happened I thought to myself OMG I AM TOTALLY BLOGGING ABOUT THAT IN MY WEIRD PARENTS BLOG but I forgot, so oh well. Maybe next time!

In other news, it's like drugs don't exist at Boston College. The general consensus is like OMG IF YOU DO DRUGS YOURE A TERRIBLE PERSON, and nobody even talks about weed, although I did smell it at like 2 AM last night. At the meeting earlier tonight they made charts on the powerpoint to show penalties for certain things and our 3 strikes rule, and we went over the alcohol chart in GREAT detail, questions afterwards and the whole shebang, and then we completely skipped the chart for the drugs. I guess drug culture is pretty much nonexistent here, which isn't bad but kind of a change, I'd say. I mean this is the weekend before school starts, pretty much the 3rd day and so far, many things have happened already: party busted in the other dorm, party busted on the main campus, girl drank way too much and got alcohol poisoning so the cops and ambulance came, guy arrested and kicked out of the dorms...Go class of 2012!!! HAHA.

Also, relationships are never really what they seem are they? Everything is so fragile and complex, why did we ever have to label them to begin with? Who made up the rules that we're all supposed to follow? Life is too short to be envious, even though it's hard to resist sometimes. I'm satisfied, if not happy, with the way my life is...and that's enough, I guess. How do people change so fast, so easily, so often?

For Boston, For Boston!

2008-08-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

So I've been at Boston College for about 4 days now...Orientation is done with, and I am finally allowed to sleep in. I'm not quite sure why, but I fail HARDCORE at college. (A bit of background information....I'm on Newton, which is the freshmen campus that is like 2 miles away from the main campus. I have to take the bus to get back to school everyday, which comes every 15 min or so) My alarm clock has failed me miserably so far, and I missed one bus by about 2 minutes, and the other decided to turn off at my bus stop and not move for 20 minutes. I have gotten destroyed by dodgeball (I am currently sporting a bruise the size of my thigh on my thigh and a strange rash on my chest/throat from getting the wind knocked out of me there). I missed a lot of mail that the advisors tell me is very important and I've left everything else I received at home.

I really hope this isn't symbolic of my next 4 years.

As of now though, I get to (kind of) relax, and not have to rush to make the bus for another 5 days. It's kind of lonely in my room since my roommate doesn't move in until Saturday, but I guess this is where my social skills (if any) are put to the test. Enough about me, more about Boston. This place is absolutely gorgeous. The architecture here is much more gothic, and everything seems kind of old (but not decrepit) and made of brick, but with multicolored brick, which creates a very light effect versus the I'm a hick on the farm effect. The campus is huge, but I am assuming that I will learn, eventually. My classes are satisfactory with nothing before 9 and nothing I despise, but starting everyday at 10 does sound quite appealing...hehe. My orientation was pleasantly surprisingly diverse, but that could just be because all the travelers came to this one (ie all the really intense kids from South Korea and every other international school kid). The guys here are built like trees, which is something I'll probably have to get used to (No offense, tree-like men). Everything is just, different, to sum it up in the easiest and most obvious way.

I do miss home. I don't have much time to think about it, but in the random moments where another priest is giving us another lecture on another service opportunity (not that I think they're stupid, just that we've heard it all 3 times already), I snap out of it and realize I was thinking about how one of my friends would react to all this, or what I would be doing if I was back in time 3 hours. By the time I'm back in my dorm, most of my friends are out and about, and when I wake up and am bored I have nobody to text lest they chew me out for waking them up. Like I've said before, it is hard to be away first and so far, but yeah. Life goes on!

Some people are lucky to get cute texts everyday and requests for songs, and basically a try-hard form of contact. I know, I shouldn't be bitter, this was after all my choice too, but it's hard when I like to make an effort while its easier for another to just put it out of their mind, and basically not think about it (or me?) at all. I have to remember that I don't have a say in anything anymore.

And Life Goes On...

2008-08-21T13:11:00.000-07:00

People are leaving. People have been leaving. I am leaving. One of my really good friends moved to San Francisco today...when he pulled up onto my driveway with all his stuff in tow, jumped out of his car and gave me a hug, I really wanted to cry. He has been a colossal component of my past 4 years, and the first person I interact with on a regular basis to leave this tiny town. It's really starting to hit me now, that I will be leaving in approximately 34 hours and also, that I am still helplessly unpacked. Okay, so I procrastinate. Whoops. I didn't get to see a lot of people I wanted to, but this summer I was strangely okay with that. Even from the beginning of senior year, everybody pretty much started drifting in their own random directions, and it's about time too. Life goes on.

(On a separate note, if anybody would like to see a copy of my packing list feel free to ask!)

So with life comes changes right..?

I know, all in all, that I like being in a relationship. Monogamy suits me, for some strange reason. I love having somebody to spoil, I love working hard to make things work, and even though obviously fights are miserable, I like working through it. I can't help it! I guess, despite the cliche or what not, i really love being in love. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to let go? I am not the type that wants to play around and have drunken hookups...I like having somebody to come home to. However, I am also in an extremely transitional period of my life...I am after all only 17 (I know, being young blows.) and who knows what type of person I will be in 4 years, or even in 2 and a half months? Cross my fingers and hope for the best, but forcing something is a bad idea. Going with the flow, letting things go, taking things more lightly. Big picture! I try to remind myself.

If things go well, hopefully I'll come back a really trendy East Coaster that laughs in the face of these little California rains having the time of my life and doing the things I love with the people I love. This includes but is not limited to; joining/making an acapella group, dancing more, deciding on a major, a sweet schedule that means that I don't have class on Friday nor do I have to wake up before 7, new friends AND old friends, and basically just lots and lots of fun. I really hope I make an acapella group.

It's almost goodbye!

2008-08-11T14:32:00.000-07:00

So as of today, I have 1 week and 3 days left here. People are already starting to leave, which is CRAZY, and my sister left last week to go backpacking for Europe for 3 weeks. Since she isn't getting back until the weekend before both of our schools start, that means I won't be seeing her again until after we're both at college...STRANGE. I really admire what she's doing though. Despite some initial problems, she is finally backpacking through Europe, something that she has wanted to do for who knows how long. And her backpack is relatively light too...she showed me yesterday and I can't believe that there are literally 3 weeks of stuff in there. So yeah, I hope she has fun with her new very straight teeth and partying it up in Amsterdam and pretty much every other European country.

I wish I knew what I was doing....hahah darn. It's time to start packing and buying things, and I feel like there's so much left to do before I leave. But then again, I think about whether or not I would rather have an entire extra MONTH of summer, and I wouldn't particularly enjoy that either...or would I? Hm...CURIOUS. Oh how those little decisions and words back in October made such a big difference. Although if I had to pick between leaving first and leaving last, in the end I would still want first. ALSO, I finished AlcoholEdu today, which was mostly ridiculous but I guess kind of interesting....not really.

On another topic...anger is so fickle. It's strange how little it takes to set me (or anybody for that matter) off, and despite the fact that even in the moment I know that I am overreacting or being unreasonable, I can't stop my face from burning or my throat from choking. Even much later on, when I have long since gotten over it, when I remember the situation I can still so clearly remember how furious I had been...or even in some cases relive it. I'm not sure which is better, to be honest. Would I rather have unwarranted crazes that when I look back on, I shake my head at myself, ashamed at how violently angry I had been? Or would i rather take what i have now, a constant understanding of how I had felt at any given moment...which while means that I have never gone absolutely batshit insane, I constantly carry those emotions and memories with me, ready at any time to rise up and take over my current mood. It's hard! While this empathy with myself obviously helps me to better understand myself, it's also hard to deal with things that I know no longer matter yet I can't get rid of.

On another note, with everybody leaving so soon, I feel like all the silly high school drama which gripped people's lives is so far behind me, or us. While there were obviously people that I avoided or disliked, in all honesty that itself was just something to do. My annoyance fades quickly with time, and just because I do not want to spend excess time with them does not mean that I need(ed) to be cruel. Oftentimes, it was and is gossip that creates rivalry. It's hard when people ridicule others and look at you as if you agree, and even when you don't they will tell others that you hate the topic of discussion. How hard is it to get along with people? It's so unfortunate that humans feed off negativity and therefore create it so they can satisfy their own inadequate lives, but that's something we are all prone too. Whatever though, I suppose. It doesn't matter anymore! And it's time to better ourselves and pick better friends from a bigger range of people, ha-ha.

Oh gosh, in a week and a half I will never have curfew again. I've been waiting so long for this...hahahhaa. Oh me.

Music and Drugs and Something More

2008-08-04T00:33:00.000-07:00

In preparation for my trip to Taiwan, I went music-crazy and downloaded all these albums that my friends recommended...including Steve Aoki, Vampire Weekend, Girl Talk, Ok Go, Crystal Castles, and the Midnight Juggernauts, among others. The entire duration of my stay in Taiwan I had my Recently Added playlist on repeat, which was very pleasant and set a pretty sweet soundtrack to the the city. I tend to like really creepy songs...(please, at this point, look up Noah's Ark by Coco Rosie) and I don't know. Songs that make you feel something...even if I don't know what it is. But as I shuffle slowly through these songs whose singers' voices MEAN something to me and seem to be calling out for something more, it makes me appreciate music all over again.

Over the past year, substances (illegal and otherwise) seem to have crept into my life more than I ever thought possible. For me, everything in moderation seems to be okay...except very few people seem to know where that line is. Perhaps it's because it's summer and people just generally have a lot more money (sometimes) and time and in Cupertino, there really isn't that much to do if you don't try hard to keep yourself occupied. Oftentimes, everybody is too lazy to try, to poor, or just too unwilling. I don't know what to do about this. What can I do when everybody around me just sinks into the convenience of some substance that makes the hours fly by....everyday? It's weird, how this is a problem now. What happened to good, sober fun? However, I can't say that I am squeaky clean either, so who am I to pass judgment here?

Which brings me to my last point. I want something more out of my life than what I and apparently everybody else is settling for. I want to be satisfied with my life, and I don't want to waste any bit of it. There's so much out there, and I want to better myself and not accept anything less, from myself or others. How do you improve the quality of life? I'm not sure...we work hard, we play hard, and just...I don't even know anymore. Haha...I don't know. It's hard to get frustrated at a lifestyle that even I perpetuate...Is it possible to not be a hypocrite?

I want everything to work out amicably, if not the way planned, and for people to just be happy...substances unnecessary.

What is Time???

2008-08-01T22:48:00.000-07:00

In 6 hours, I will be heading for the airport and therefore heading home. This is my last time visiting Taiwan in who knows how long, since growing up means having my own agenda (Actually, I could be lying...apparently we might be taking a Taiwan/Japan trip with the family next May..haha). When I get back, it will be August 2nd, which means I will be finding out my roommate and rooming (I hope I get good ones!), and that I will be leaving for Boston in 23 days. That's a scary thought, considering I still have no idea what the heck I am doing, or what I need to buy here or over there and what I need to be prepared and what specific classes I want or....yeah. I'm excited but nervous, and also not ready to go...There are definitely still things left in Cupertino that I need to accomplish, wrap up, or figure out.

With that said, as I slowly say goodbye to Taiwan, some interesting notes:
-My mom protected me from a lecherous (drunk?) old man on the bus the other day. Even though he was holding on to the pole on the other side of the bus, he was standing so ridiculously close to me (I was on the other side of the bus) that I couldn't turn around...ALSO, SORRY OLD MAN but it's kind of apparent that despite your midget height you are looking down...that is definitely NOT your eye level.
-Taiwan is really beautiful, in it's own tropical way. Typhoon or burning sunshine, the jungle and the mountains and even the nightlife and the city lights are beautiful, and I will miss it despite the extreme weather.
-I got on a bus yesterday and heard John Mayer :). Similarly, somewhat, I was at this asian version of Costco the other day and the CD section was blasting hyphy music.
-The McDonalds here is open 24/7 and delivers to your door at any hour. Now, if this was available in America, potheads across the nation would rejoice, having finally found the cure for their munchies at 2 AM as they cry against the just-closed drive-through of Jack-in-the-Box.
-George, my cousin, and all of their friends have been really nice to me and taking care of me here...since my mother treats me like a fussy toddler who needs to be taken everywhere hand-in-hand. But, regardless...THANKS :)

I am excited to go home. :)

Privacy

2008-07-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

So now that I'm starting to blog regularly for the public again, a question arises regarding how personal my posts will be. Seeing as how I have no idea or no control over who reads this, how much of my life am i really willing to let the world know about? Actually, I guess the previous statement only applies assuming that people will read this..har-har.

I have always been a more public person, I guess. I mean, I don't think I have any deep dark secrets, just more of shit that I would prefer not the entire world to know about...but I guess even if they did it wouldn't really matter. With that said, I guess it also matters even less now. On the threshhold of college and leaving high school behind, the people that I directly interact with on a regular basis are about to change drastically...and to be honest (if not blunt), I really just do not give a shit about high school drama and the people who perpetuate it, regardless of whether they read this or not. I mean, sure, they'll try to create something, but they are more unimportant now than ever...COLLEGE is waiting for me bitches. Sorry :)

What is really stopping me from just laying it all out though, is the fact that the people that I regularly interact with are the ones that affect me, and thus would be blogged about. I can definitely name at least one person who would be VERY displeased if I wrote about them on here...just because they like people not knowing about their business. Also, I have to consider that our deepest darkest thoughts are often very different from the ones that we let other people view...that people we care about, despite your relationship as it is, would be very hurt to find out what you're keeping to yourself. And even though I recognize their faults and am hurt by them sometimes, or I make observations to myself (and maybe in my writing) about these people, I still love them dearly and have no wish to offend them. They are what they are, and no need to rub it in. I respect them, and thus, I will still exercise discretion.

So I guess my original question must be answered with a to-be-determined. While I realize that personal insights are probably the most interesting thing to read, I also have to consider the effect that posting these things might have on my daily life. HMMM....what a dilemma. I guess there's nothing to do about it, but to wait and see I guess. :) Because giving some bullshit answer like, "I will definitely try to the best of my ability to be honest here while not offending anybody" is stupid, and completely impossible.

In other news, the typhoon is RAGINGG. I am stuck inside all day, and there's not much to do. My cousins are so big now!! I remember we used to play with them when they were so small, and now theyre in 7th grade. RIDICULOUS. Then I remembered that I'm in college now, and I felt even more strange. I love Taiwan food. :)

Stupidity and a New Start

2008-07-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

So today, I logged out of my xanga account and when I tried to log back in, I didn't remember my password. Not panicking yet, I clicked the convenient "Forgot Password?" button, and promptly sent my password to my registered email. So, a bit of time passes, and no email containing salvation arrives. I check all of my accounts, nothing. And then, a sinking feeling. I realize that the email registered to my xanga account was deleted. NOW WHAT?

So, lucky me, on my lovely mac Safari browser I am still signed into Xanga. However, in order to change my registered email, I need to enter my password for "extra protection", which is screwing me hard instead. While I can still access xanga there, maybe it is time for a change...God knows I've had that xanga since 2005, back when it was all the rage.

So welcome to Pet Monsters and Fat Cats...my now daily blog. I always did find writing to be quite therapeutic, so I guess I will start posting regularly for the public again, here or on Facebook. Lovely, no?